Remember My Name
by SuzSeb
Summary: An accident at a crime scene engulfs one of our favorite CSIs. Or was it an accident? Nick/OC.
1. Chapter 1

FF_11/26/2008

**Remember My Name**

Pain… Confusion… He gasped and moaned with the pain. His eyes wouldn't open. He tried to move but agony flared through him and he cried out.

Voices cut through some of the confusion.

"Did you hear that?" "Where did it come from?" "Careful! We don't know how unstable this is."

He cried out again, when the voices began moving away.

"Back this way." "Can you see him?" "I can't see shit." "Nick, where are you?"

Was he Nick? He didn't know. It hurt too much to think about. He tried to put his hand to his head and screamed when agony flared through him again.

"There!" "We've got to be getting closer." "Nick, hold on, man. We're coming." "Nick, call out again so we can follow your voice."

He still didn't know if he was Nick, but he didn't want them to leave him here. So he cried out again wordlessly. He tried again to open his eyes, but the lids still wouldn't lift. The pain was building and he didn't try to stop the moans. He figured any noise he made would help lead the searchers to him.

"We're coming!" "We hear you!" "Hang on!" Three different voices called out over his moans. He tried to move again and screamed again when the agony flared. "Nick, don't move!" "Stay still! You're buried under debris!" "Let us get you out."

He stopped trying to move. He could hear them moving debris trying to reach him. He felt the wetness on his cheeks. He tried to beg them to hurry, but no words would come. He cried out in pain when the stuff on top of him shifted. His cries became screams when the debris continued to shift; a searing shaft of agony stabbing through his left arm and right thigh, as well as crushing agony from his waist down to his toes.

He couldn't control his screams, the pain flaring higher and higher. He yearned for the blackness of oblivion. It didn't come. The stuff around him shifted again. Some of the crushing pressure eased and he sobbed with relief. Again he tried to call out with words and again they wouldn't come. So he cried out wordlessly.

His three unknown rescuers replied with their encouragement. "Hold on Nick!" "We're almost there!" "Just hold on!"

More of the pressure was lifted. He couldn't hold back his sobs of relief. He focused his hope on the chatter of his rescuers.

"I see him!" "Nick, hang on!" "Move that carefully!" "We need a medic here!"

There was a couple of minutes of silence before a fourth voice joined the others. "Nick, can you hear me?"

He tried to answer, he really did, but no words would come out. His mouth opened and closed several times as he struggled to speak. Finally he let out another wordless cry. He _must_ be Nick.

"Nick, I need you to answer yes or now," the voice sounded closer.

He struggled again to speak. Still no words would come. He cried out twice, struggling to communicate his inability to speak. Tears of frustration joined the tears of pain on his face.

He jerked with surprise then screamed in pain when the voice spoke right next to him. "I'm gonna need some help here!" He felt a gentle touch on his face. "Shh! Shh! I'm sorry. I'm right here. I'm gonna help you, ok?"

He tried to speak, he really did. Why couldn't he speak? He started to move his head, frustration driving him past the agony.

Hands quickly grasped his head and held it still. "Nick, don't move, ok? I need you to stay as still as possible. Just answer once for yes and twice for no. Do you understand?"

He cried out softly once, tears of relief flowing at finally being able to communicate somehow.

"Are you having trouble speaking?"

He let out another soft cry. He felt some more things being moved away from him.

"Can you feel your right arm?"

He struggled to think where his right arm should be. The pain in his head made any effort to think agony.

A new voice quietly asked, "Can you feel this, Nick?" He moaned with pain as he felt a part of him move. He cried out softly, once in answer.

"Nick, I'm going to start an IV, ok? Just stay still. Let me know if you understand."

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AN: Ok, this is my first submission. I've read and reviewed quite a bit, but I'm extremely nervous about submitting. I've never actually let anyone read any of my stuff in almost never! So please, be gentle.


	2. Chapter 2

FF_11/27/2008

**Remember My Name**

Sorry - last time I forgot the disclaimers. I don't own CSI or Nick, though like lots of you I wish I did!

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"_Nick, I'm going to start an IV, ok? Just stay still. Let me know if you understand."_

He cried out again softly. He felt them doing something to what must be his right arm. He felt the prick of the needle and somehow knew the IV was to help keep his blood pressure up. It was to help with the shock.

"Nick, I need you to look at me," the first medic said quietly. "Can you open your eyes?"

He fought to lift his eyelids, but nothing happened. He continued to struggle until the medic questioned softly, "Nick?"

He moaned softly twice, slumping in despair. He was still locked in this black, sightless prison of pain.

"Nick, I need to check your eyes," the first medic spoke quietly, regretfully. He knew this was going to be painful. The medic didn't expect the reaction he got, though.

He moaned as the medic gently pulled his eyelid up. Everything was blurry. Lighter, but blurry. Then the medic used his penlight to test his reaction. He felt as if a laser was being drilled into his skull through his eye. He screamed, his back arching and his hands spasming into claws. His screams ripped his throat raw, as the agony continued. He felt his body convulsing with the agony.

"Hold him still!" the first medic cried as he immobilized his head.

"I'm doing my best," the other replied through gritted teeth. "Ya know Nick's not exactly a light-weight."

Finally his screams dissolved into moans and his body lay tremblingly still. He was sobbing in pain and relief. He slowly realized the first medic was gently stroking his cheek, murmuring, "I'm sorry," over and over.

The second medic called out, "Hey!"

"What do you need, Matt?" one of the voices who'd found him replied.

"We need another body here," Matt replied. Now he knew the name of one of his rescuers.

"On my way," the voice responded. "Where do you need me?" he continued when he reached the trio.

"Tim, you need to hold his body and legs as still as you can," the first medic was in charge. "Matt's going to immobilize Nick's head."

"Whatever you say, Chris," Tim replied.

He moaned twice in protest. He knew what Chris was going to do. His right hand reached out and grasped Chris's wrist. He squeezed twice, paused and then squeezed twice again.

"I'm sorry, Nick, but you know I _need_ to do this," Chris's voice was low but steady. "Is everyone ready?"

He moaned twice more and squeezed Chris's hand twice as well. He wasn't ready!

"I can't give you more than a minute, Nick. We really need to test this reaction to know how to treat you. Do you understand?" Chris kept his voice soft and steady.

He squeezed his wrist once. He took a deep breath, then squeezed one more time. He was terrified of the pain, but he trusted Chris.

Again he moaned as his left eyelid was pulled up and he got a blurry view of someone's face. It must have been Chris because something moved and searing light again drilled into his head, the agony not far behind. As he screamed and his body arched, he tried to stay as still as possible, knowing any effort he made would help the other three. They were doing their best to keep him from injuring himself further.

He had no chance to recover before they were interrupted.

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A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed. I'm trying to keep ahead of myself so I always have a chapter in reserve. Please keep reading and reviewing!


	3. Chapter 3

FF_11/27/2008

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI. I'm just borrowing the characters.

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**Remember My Name**

_He had no chance to recover before they were interrupted._

"Who's in charge here?" an authoritative voice barked.

"I am," Chris answered.

"I'm taking overall charge of this scene," the voice responded. "Lieutenant Casey, IAB. I don't want you discussing what happened with Mr. Stokes. And Stokes, you're not to discuss anything with anyone until I've gotten your statement. The death of an officer puts this scene under IAB control." A heavy hand came down on his left shoulder.

He cried out in pain and his right hand scrabbled for Chris's wrist. He cried out again, wordlessly begging Chris not to leave him with this Lieutenant Casey. Almost unconsciously his hand squeezed twice, paused and repeated, over and over, desperately begging Chris not to leave him with that man.

"Tim, get him out of here," Chris said softly before turning to him.

"Nick, it's ok. I'm not going anywhere. I've got you and you're safe. Please don't move. I've got you," Chris repeated that over and over, softly and soothingly while gently stroking his cheek.

He could hear Tim in the background, moving Lieutenant Casey back and calling for Frank and Mark. When they arrived, Tim softly told them to take Lieutenant Casey back to the Command Post and keep him there; Chris would probably want to talk to him later.

Chris was calling out on the radio, asking if Captain Brass was there. When he got an affirmative answer, he asked Captain Brass to join them.

He tensed. His hand squeezed Chris's wrist twice. He opened his mouth, fighting to get out the words to convince Chris not to leave him alone with this new officer. Still words would not come. Tears flowed down his face as he struggled with the fear and frustration. Why couldn't he speak?

"Can you guys give me and Nick a little privacy?" Chris spoke to Tim and Matt.

He heard them move a distance away, intercepting Captain Brass and giving Chris the space he asked for.

"Nick, I need some answers, honest answers," Chris spoke softly.

He tensed.

"Do you remember your name?" Chris asked.

He _felt_ the stillness come over him, starting with his head and flowing down through his body. He slowly and deliberately squeezed Chris's hand twice. He knew he was Nick because that's what everyone was calling him. But he didn't _remember_ it.

"Do you remember waking up at home today?" Chris asked next. Another two squeezes. "Do you remember going into work?" Another two squeezes. "How about coming here, to this house?" He signaled 'No' again. "Waking up in the debris?"

He was happy to be able to answer yes. "Do you remember everything since you woke up here?" Chris asked quietly. Again he could answer yes.

"Ok, Nick, listen." Chris continued to speak softly. "Captain Brass is a friend of yours. He's not IAB. You call him either Jim or Brass. He's really a good friend," Chris searched his face. "Do you trust me?"

He squeezed Chris's hand once, firmly.

"Well, you can trust Brass, too. Ok? I've got to report in and check on how it's going with getting you out of here. I need to know if you'll be ok with Brass?" Chris kept searching his face.

He thought for a few minutes. God, his head hurt so badly. He trusted Chris, and Chris was asking him to trust Brass. He slowly but firmly squeezed Chris's hand, then released it.

Chris quickly moved to Brass. "Ok, listen up," he spoke quickly but quietly. "Nick's got a depressed skull fracture. Our goal right now is keeping him calm and still; as still as possible. He's unable to speak, but he's communicating one for yes and two for no. He also can't open his eyes. There's a piece of rebar through his left arm pinning it and a metal beam impaling his right thigh. That's what's really keeping him here." Chris checked Brass's reaction. He was pale and his expression concerned. But he was steady.

"He's been holding on to my wrist. Oh, and this is a big one. He doesn't remember anything before waking up in the debris."

Brass cursed softly. "Something _you_ need to know: We have reason to believe this was a targeted attack. The text message received by Grissom specifically requests Nick. But the message sent by Detective Vartann just requests a CSI. Someone intercepted the message, altered it, and then sent it on its way."

Chris cursed also. "I have to go report in and then yell at an IAB lieutenant."

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A/N: Thanks for all your reviews. I hope this helps with any confusion. Also, please know I have practically NO medical knowledge, although I've worked for a hospital for over 20 years! :) (I'm an accountant!). So I'm making this up as I go along. Please don't flame me - I've got these ideas and the medical stuff just has to go along with it!


	4. Chapter 4

FF_11/27/2008

Disclaimer: I don't own any of CSI. Just my own imagination!

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**Remember My Name**

_Chris cursed also. "I have to go report in and then yell at an IAB lieutenant."_

"Yell at him for me, too. I'm not leaving Nick's side until I know he's safe." Brass spoke gruffly.

He'd heard both Chris and Brass's last statements. They settled him, somehow.

"Hey, Nicky, it's Brass. I'm here to stay for a while. Chris and the others will have to go back to work after they get you to the hospital. Me, I'm here for the long haul. You _are_ my job until further notice, ok?" Brass waited until he felt him squeeze his hand once before continuing. Brass began a soothing chatter about Chris and how he'd like to be there when Chris tore into Lt. Casey.

Chris stormed into the Command Post. The Sheriff was there questioning the Las Vegas Fire Department firefighters who still held Lt. Casey's arms. "Are you insane?" he demanded of the IAB officer. "I've got an unstable patient, pinned by debris. He's got a depressed skull fracture. He can't open his eyes; he can't speak. He doesn't remember anything before waking up in the rubble." Chris ran a hand through his hair. "Can you imagine it? He's in the dark, he can't speak and he doesn't know who the hell we are. He's in agony. And everything we do causes him more pain. I'd just gotten him to trust me and you sweep in and start making demands. You terrified him!"

Chris paced away from Lt. Casey, then back. Everyone in the Command Post was watching him. He stared intently at the lieutenant. "You are not coming anywhere near my patient as long as he _is_ my patient."

The Sheriff spoke quietly. "Are you aware of the threat?"

Chris met his gaze. "Yes, Captain Brass told me. He's with Nick now."

Lt. Casey started to object.

"Shut up!" Chris stared back at him furiously. "I don't care about your policies or procedures. I'm concerned with keeping my patient _alive_. I was able to reassure Nick that Captain Brass was a friend of his. I _need_ him to trust us, or he probably won't survive."

The room was silent. Finally the Sheriff spoke. "Chris is the EMT in charge. We'll follow his guidelines regarding his patient's wellbeing. If that means Lt. Casey has no access at this time, so be it. Access is meaningless if Stokes doesn't survive."

Lt. Casey tried to object again, but the Sheriff waved him silent. "I'll have you removed if necessary," he told the IAB lieutenant.

Chris turned to the Search and Rescue specialists. "How are we going to get him out of there?" He began discussing logistics with them. After finalizing those plans, Chris got on the phone, talking to Desert Palms Hospital. He gave them the situation and their plans. He let out the breath he was holding when they put their seal of approval on the plans.

Chris was turning to return to Nick when Nick's friends and co-workers stopped him. He looked into their worried faces and said, "I don't have anything reassuring to say except that somehow he's still alive."

"Why was he screaming?" Greg asked.

"I checked his pupils. They're blown," Chris's words were curt and discouraging. It was the look on his face that told the story. He was struggling to hold back tears. "I think he's got TBI." Chris met their eyes, then turned and made his way back to Chris.

Catherine quietly questioned, "TBI?"

It was an extremely sobered Greg who replied, "Traumatic Brain Injury."

It silenced the group.

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A/N: Please forgive any errors in medical issues and terminology. Again, I'm going with my imagination in this! :)

Thanks everyone who's reviewed. And thanks nicksfriend for all your support. You are a major prop in my getting this out!


	5. Chapter 5

FF_12/8/2008

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or any of its characters.

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**Remember My Name**

_Catherine quietly questioned, "TBI?"_

_It was an extremely sobered Greg who replied, "Traumatic Brain Injury."_

_It silenced the group._

The pain was getting worse. He could still hear Brass chattering about Chris, but the pain was becoming overwhelming. Finally he couldn't hold back his moans. He heard Brass's voice change, the concern evident as he asked Matt when Chris would be back.

"He's on his way," Matt replied.

"Hold on, Nick," Brass took his right hand. He held on to Brass's hand as hard as he could. "Chris will be back soon and we'll get you out of there." He'd heard others working in the rubble around them as they waited for Chris.

He heard Chris return with Frank and Mark. Chris moved quickly to his side. "Nick?"

He couldn't stop moaning to answer Chris out loud. But he tapped Brass's wrist and then squeezed it once. Brass looked at Chris and spoke for him, "Yeah?"

"We've got a plan, Nick. We're going to get you out of here."

He traced two letters on Brass's palm. Brass froze and he traced them again. "Ok," Brass repeated for him.

"Nick," he could tell Chris was back at his side, "Don't panic, ok? You've got a piece of rebar in your left arm." He stiffened, but didn't react in any other way. He patiently waited for Chris to go on. Chris's voice was husky when he did. "You've also got a metal 2x2 in your right thigh."

He shuddered. No wonder it hurt to move. He moaned a little louder and felt tears escape his eyes.

"It's ok to be scared, Nicky," Brass spoke quietly.

It still bothered him that everyone was calling him Nick. He quietly pushed away the thought that he was focusing on that because he was way too scared to think about how they were going to get him out. He traced letters on Brass's palm again.

"Am I Nick?" Brass asked aloud for him. Brass answered himself quietly. "Yeah. You're definitely Nick. I've worked with ya for years."

He quietly traced O – K on Brass's hand. Now he didn't have a distraction from Chris's information. He realized he was trembling. He wasn't just scared, he was terrified. Still, the others were waiting patiently for him.

He tremblingly traced three letters, then couldn't continue. "How?" Brass said aloud. Brass searched his face, then continued for him. "How are you gonna get me out?" He squeezed Brass's hand once.

Chris was just waiting for him to ask. "Mark and Frank have a tarp. They'll spread it over us and help us hold it up over you to protect you from any debris while we get you out." Chris searched his face and waited for his reaction.

He felt Brass's arm tense as they all waited for his reaction. He was confused. Why did they all expect him to react badly to that? He let go of Brass's wrist and traced O – K on his palm again.

Chris didn't see any increase in tension in his patient. His heart fell. It meant Nick really didn't remember his ordeal of being buried alive from years ago. He'd see first-hand Nick's reaction to closed-in places just last week. And while he could handle them, they still made him nervous.

Chris went on, "We _can't_ at this point take anything out. You'd bleed out in seconds. The metal is plugging the holes and keeping you from bleeding to death. So we'll wrap the sites in gauze so nothing shifts and cut the metal from the other debris. We're going to take care of your left arm first. The rebar will fit in the bolt cutters. Two snips – one above and one below your arm and it'll be free." Chris paused for a moment.

He could tell his leg wasn't going to be as easy. He traced a question mark, then L – E – G on Brass's palm. Brass quietly asked, "And my leg?"

Chris took a deep breath. "They're going to have to use a saw. They're in the process of finding a gasoline or battery-powered saw large enough to do the trick. They… they may actually have to use a hand saw. The FD is trying to make sure the gas is turned off and there're no volatile fumes before any kind of power saw can be used."

He flinched. He knew that was going to hurt; probably badly. But he knew there wasn't another way. And he believed Jim and Chris would be with him the whole time. Still, his hand was trembling when he traced O-K on Brass's palm.

"Ok," Brass said aloud, meeting Chris's gaze.

So they moved on with it. Chris wrapped Nick's arm so the rebar didn't move. When they spread the tarp overhead he got anxious for a moment. He didn't know why. It was almost as if _he_ expected himself to react badly. Then the feeling passed. He did cry out in pain at each snip of the metal. He did his best to hold in the moans afterward, though.

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A/N: Thanks all of you for your reviews! Hope you like this chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

FF_12/10/2008

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or the CSIs.

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**Remember My Name**

_So they moved on with it. Chris wrapped Nick's arm so the rebar didn't move. When they spread the tarp overhead he got anxious for a moment. He didn't know why. It was almost as if he expected himself to react badly. Then the feeling passed. He did cry out in pain at each snip of the metal. He did his best to hold in the moans afterward, though._

His moans slipped free when Chris began wrapping the metal in his leg. He struggled to find something to take his mind off the pain. Something the IAB lieutenant said had stuck in his mind. His hand trembled with the pain as he traced a question mark on Brass's hand. D-I-E-D were the letters that followed.

"Who died?" Brass repeated, his voice husky. "Nick, what are you talking about?"

"Casey told us an officer died," Matt said quietly.

He was tracing I-A-B at the same time Matt was speaking. He could feel the tension in Brass's wrist.

"There was an officer at the scene with you, Nick," Brass informed him quietly. "His name was Michael Tucker. He didn't make it."

He felt his eyes fill with tears. He moaned as he felt them begin to cut his leg free. His hand still shook as he traced K-N-O-W and H-I-M-? in Brass's palm.

"Did you know him?" Brass's voice was filled with sadness and grief. "Yeah, we both knew Tuck pretty well. He was a veteran. He secured a lot of scenes for us."

He quietly mourned the man he couldn't remember. He was confused. He quickly traced: ?-Y then H-E-R-E.

Brass searched his face. "Why were you here?" he asked.

He squeezed Brass's wrist once.

Brass took a deep breath. He exchanged glances with Chris. Chris shrugged. He didn't know how much Brass should tell him either.

He squeezed Brass's wrist once again.

Finally Brass answered him. "You're a Crime Scene Investigator, Nick. You collect forensic evidence at crime scenes and interpret it to determine how the crime was committed and who committed it."

He slowly traced C-S-I-? on Brass's palm.

"Yeah, Nicky, you're a CSI," Brass replied.

He was distracted by the pain as they finally freed his leg. They quickly moved him to a basket then carried the basket to a gurney. Things were getting confusing. The pain made it worse.

He started to panic. The pain, the movement, the noise… He cried out. Pressure on his right hand caught his attention. He struggled to focus through the pain, clinging to Brass's hand and searching through the confusion for Brass's voice.

He finally heard it after they lifted him up into the ambulance and closed the doors. Brass was repeating over and over "I'm here, Nick. I've got you."

He squeezed Brass's hand back hard. He was clinging to Brass as the others worked on him in the ambulance. He gradually calmed a little, although the pain was still unrelenting.

The chaos was repeated when they arrived at the hospital. He was still clinging to Brass's hand though. He refused to let go, even when the trauma team tried to keep Brass out of the treatment room. He didn't listen to what all the voices around him were saying.

It wasn't until Brass squeezed, then tapped _his_ wrist that he snapped out of the haze that seemed to fill him.

"Nick, Dr. Jenkins wants to talk to you," Brass said, after he was sure he had his attention.

"Nick, do you remember me?" Dr. Jenkins asked.

He squeezed Brass's hand twice.

Before Brass could speak for him, Dr. Jenkins spoke again. "Nick, I want _you_ to answer me."

He took a deep breath. He was trembling with pain and fear. He didn't understand why the doctor was asking him to do this.

"Just _try,_ Nick," Chris said quietly.

He fought to open his eyes. He wanted to _see_ these people he was trusting with his life. But nothing happened. He opened his mouth, struggling to speak. The words were there in his head, why wouldn't they come out? He fought, struggled as hard as he could, until blinding pain stabbed into his head and he cried out. He let go of Brass and clutched at his head, crying out again. Tears of pain and frustration streamed down his face.

He took several deep breaths, fighting for calm. He _had_ to control himself. Finally he could hear Brass and Chris trying to calm him down. Dr. Jenkins was speaking to others on the trauma team, ordering units of blood, CT scans and x-rays. They couldn't perform an MRI until the metal had been removed from his body.

He reached back for Brass's hand, grateful when Brass held on to him tightly. He held on to Brass desperately, listening to Dr. Jenkins apologize.

When they took him to radiology, he refused to let go of Brass. He held on until they took him to surgery. Dr. Jenkins explained that they needed to go in and repair the depressed skull fracture. Dr. Jenkins then discussed with him the possibility that some of the difficulties he was having with his sight, speech and memory could be caused by his head injury and could be resolved by the surgery. He desperately hoped things would be better when he awoke from the surgery.

Meanwhile, Dr. Jenkins directed Brass's attention to Nick's wrists as he went under the anesthetic. He was the first to notice the ligature marks on Nick's wrists. Brass documented them with his cell phone camera. Brass stared at Nick's wrists in horror. Something had happened to Nick besides the building collapsing on him.

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A/N The rating will change in later chapters due to Nick's memories.


	7. Chapter 7

FF_12/16/2008

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or the characters of the TV show.

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**Remember My Name**

_Brass stared at Nick's wrists in horror. Something had happened to Nick besides the building collapsing on him._

Brass quickly asked for a camera and documented all Nick's injuries before he was taken to surgery. He made sure he would be contacted as soon as Nick came out of surgery. Then he moved toward the waiting room, determined to get some answers.

When Brass entered the waiting room he silently listed the people there for Nick: Grissom, Catherine, Greg, _Sara?,_ Detective Alex Vartann, Detective Sam Vega, _Ecklie?,_ Officer Frank "Mitch" Mitchell, several other uniformed officers, and Lieutenant Casey, but not the Sheriff. Archie, Wendy, Mandy and Hodges walked in as Brass finished taking inventory.

"How is he, Jim?" Grissom moved to his side.

Brass took a deep breath. "He's in surgery right now. They did a CT scan of his head and x-rayed pretty much all of his body. They didn't wait for the results before they took him to surgery. I know they were concerned about broken bones in his left leg. He had a piece of rebar through his left bicep and a metal 2 x 2 through his right thigh." Brass stopped to take another deep breath. He saw the looks of horror on the faces around him, except on Lt. Casey's. The lieutenant had a polite look of interest.

Brass dismissed him and took a third deep breath. "Nick also has a depressed skull fracture. And he doesn't remember anything before waking up pinned under the debris."

Sara gasped, tears in her eyes. Greg cursed. So did the uniformed officers. A moan of anguish escaped Catherine and she put her hands over her face.

Brass looked at Vartann. They didn't know the worst yet. And Brass wasn't going to tell them, especially with Lt. Casey in attendance. "Alex, I need a timeline."

Vartann nodded and moved to Brass's side. He pulled out his notebook and referred to his notes as he spoke. "An anonymous call came in at 11:45. Officer Tucker confirmed the DB at 12:08. I arrived at the scene at 12:20. I texted Grissom for a CSI at 12:27. At 12:31 I was called to another scene. I left Officer Tucker on-scene to wait for the CSI." Vartann paused, closed his eyes and lowered his head. He'd always regret that.

"Alex, you didn't do anything wrong," Brass put his hand on Vartann's shoulder.

Vartann took another deep breath, nodded and continued. "Nick called at about 12:45 to say he was on-scene and to ask why I requested him. I told him I just asked for an available CSI. He said he must have misunderstood Grissom. Since he was there, he'd go ahead and process the scene. We disconnected about 12:54." Vartann flipped the page. "Calls about the building collapse came in between 6:28 and 6:33 am."

Brass looked his question at Grissom.

"I got the text message from Alex at 12:33. However, my message specifically requests Nick." Grissom met Vartann's gaze. He didn't want the detective to think he didn't believe him. "Archie was looking into how that was done."

Archie spoke up. "They hacked the phone company. I'm waiting on a warrant. The phone company won't let me in without it."

Brass nodded at him, then spoke to the crowd. "So did anyone hear from Nick between 1:00 and 6:30 this morning?" No one spoke. Heads shook negatively. "What about Officer Tucker?" Again the silent negatives replied. Brass cursed under his breath. "So Nick and Tuck were unaccounted for, for five and a half hours."

"What is it, Jim?" Grissom asked.

Before Brass could decide what to tell him, they were interrupted.

"Captain Brass?" It was a tall, slender man with bright red hair who'd just arrived.

"Yeah, I'm Brass," he replied.

"I'm Lieutenant Casey, IAB," he held his hand out to Brass.

Brass just stared at him. He looked around the waiting room for the other "Lt. Casey". He was gone. Brass looked at Vartann and Vega. They met his look.

"I've got _this_ Lt. Casey," Vartann said.

Brass nodded. He spoke to the uniforms. "You all saw the other man who claimed to be Lt. Casey. Spread out and see if you can find him. Sam, coordinate with hospital security. We need a lock-down if possible." Brass turned to leave.

"Where will you be?" Vega asked quietly.

"I'm going to surgery," Brass replied. "I promised Nick I'd keep him safe." He quickly left the waiting room and moved to the surgical floor. Once there, he moved to the desk and got the startled secretary to have someone relieve her. Then he had her, Janet Carter, show him what room Nick was having surgery in. He got two chairs and they sat outside the doors, making sure only properly authorized people went in.

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A/N: Please review and tell me how I'm doing! Thanks to all of you who have already.


	8. Chapter 8

FF_12/17/2008

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.

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**Remember My Name**

"_I'm going to surgery," Brass replied. "I promised Nick I'd keep him safe." He quickly left the waiting room and moved to the surgical floor. Once there, he moved to the desk and got the startled secretary to have someone relieve her. Then he had her, Janet Carter, show him what room Nick was having surgery in. He got two chairs and they sat outside the doors, making sure only properly authorized people went in._

Vega contacted him fifteen minutes later. "We have security at every entrance. The security cams got a pretty good image of the guy as he arrived. John Slater, Chief of Security is distributing the image to all his officers. If he's still here, we'll get him."

"Good work," Brass replied.

"Archie's working with the security footage, trying to see if it caught him anywhere else."

"Great. Send a copy of the image to my cell phone, would ya?" Brass requested.

"Will do," Vega signed off.

Brass had just closed his phone when it rang again. It was Vartann.

"What ya got, Alex?" Brass asked.

"This Lieutenant Casey checks out. I showed him the image of our impostor. He didn't recognize him. I had an APB put out on him in case he made it out of the hospital." Vartann said.

"Good. Ask Lt. Casey to stay there for now," Brass said. "I'll be down when I can."

Vega called again an hour later. "We did a floor-to-floor search. We got nothing. Archie found him leaving on the security cam by Emergency right about the time the real Lt. Casey showed up. Hospital security will keep officers near every entrance with instructions to watch out for the impostor."

"Good, good," Brass said. "Send an officer up here for the door. We need to talk. I'll be down as soon as I can." Brass hung up, looking at Dr. Jenkins coming out of the surgical suite.

"Captain Brass," Dr. Jenkins said in surprise. "Why are you here?"

"We had a little incident," Brass said gruffly. "We found out Lt. Casey wasn't really Lt. Casey." He showed the doctor the image of the impostor. "If you see this man, please contact security or LVPD immediately."

Dr. Jenkins studied the image then nodded. "Got it. Well, I actually came out here to talk to you. My part of the surgeries is finished. The Neurosurgeon is working on him now." Dr. Jenkins paused and asked the secretary for a drink. After she moved off, he spoke to Brass again.

"Results from the x-rays show two additional skull fractures. They're small, but they're definitely worrisome. One appears to have been caused by repeated blows from a hard object, possibly a gun barrel. The other was sustained from the building collapse. His left femur is broken. His left tibia is broken in two places and the fibula is broken in three. There are several fractures of the bones in his left foot."

"We removed the 2 x 2 from his right thigh. His right tibia and fibula are both broken in two places each. His right foot is pretty much intact. He has three broken ribs on his left side. We're lucky they didn't tear up his lung. I took infrared photos." He handed Brass an envelope he pulled from his pocket. "Some of the bruises on his torso are shoe-shaped. Some are fist-shaped."

Brass cursed.

Dr. Jenkins continued. "Some of the cuts are not the jagged tears you'd expect from a building collapse. I believe they're knife wounds. And there's worse." Dr. Jenkins proceeded to explain about a new drug they'd started seeing in rapes and assaults. "The drug is metabolized quickly but it leaves elevated levels of several enzymes. We found those elevated levels in Nick's blood. The drug paralyzes the somatic nervous system. The victim is conscious and aware, but can't move."

Brass stared at the doctor in horror. "You think Nick was restrained, tortured, drugged, and then left to die when the building collapsed."

Dr. Jenkins nodded. "I'm going to get back in there. I'll let you know when he's moved to recovery."

"Thanks," Brass said gruffly.

"Captain Brass," the doctor's voice was hoarse with emotion. "Find whoever did this. No one deserves what they did to Nick."

Brass nodded. He slowly pulled himself up and moved to the elevator after the officer arrived to guard the door. He felt like he was the one who'd been beaten.

Brass's heart was still heavy when he walked into the waiting room. He hadn't been able to move past the horror into anger yet.

It wasn't until he'd entered the waiting room and he heard Grissom exclaim, "Jim, what's wrong?" that the rage roared through him at what'd been done to Nick: his friend, his family. Grissom took a step backwards at the expression on his face and Brass turned away, hands clenched to struggle for control. The room was silent as Brass finally found his control. The rage was still there, but he could control it now.

Brass turned back to the group and asked, "Has Nick's family been contacted yet?"

Catherine replied, "I called and talked to the housekeeper. She took my number and said she'd pass the message on. No one's called back though."

It was the EMT Chris Taylor who spoke next. "They won't," he said quietly.

* * *

A/N: Kind of a cliff hanger! Hope you're all still enjoying! Happy 2009!!!!!!!!!


	9. Chapter 9

FF_12/31/2008

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Catherine replied, "I called and talked to the housekeeper. She took my number and said she'd pass the message on. No one's called back though."_

_It was the EMT Chris Taylor who spoke next. "They won't," he said quietly._

"How do you know that?" Greg asked.

"My mother is Nick's mother's sister," Chris replied. "We're cousins," he simplified after seeing the looks of confusion on some of the faces.

"Why won't they call back?" Grissom asked.

Chris sighed, sadness on his face. "After Nick was abducted and buried alive, they gave him an ultimatum. When he was in Texas recovering, they told him if he didn't move back home, the family would wash their hands of him." Chris sighed again. "The Judge didn't appreciate it when Nick told him Vegas _was_ home. As far as I know, he hasn't been welcome at the ranch since then. That's why he cut his trip short."

"I thought he went back to Texas last Christmas for two days?" Grissom said.

"He did," Chris replied. "But he stayed with my parents, and his sister Ashley is the only one who would see him. I contacted Ashley and my parents myself after we got Nick to the hospital. I _knew_ Nick's parents wouldn't pass the message on. And I was right. Ash didn't know anything about it."

"And you can bet I gave them a piece of my mind!" an exhausted voice exclaimed.

"Ash!" Chris cried, sweeping the slender brunette who'd appeared in the waiting room doorway into a hug.

"Look what I found wandering the airport," Ashley said, stepping aside and letting Chris see the slender blonde behind her.

"Calleigh? How?" Chris drew her into a hug also.

"Oh, you know. Your momma called me after she talked to Aunt Jilly. When she heard the Judge wouldn't budge, you momma called me so Nick would have _some_ family here. Also I think your momma's worried about you." Calleigh spoke while looking around the room.

"Well, it's good to see you," Chris said wrapping his arm around Calleigh's waist and squeezing again.

"How is he, cuz?" Ashley asked Chris.

"He's about the same, I guess," Chris answered. "He's been in surgery since I called." He looked at the group assembled in the waiting room. "In case you couldn't tell, this is Nick's sister, Ashley Grey, an eye surgeon in Dallas."

"Call me Ash," the pretty brunette slipped in.

Greg laughed. "Boy that sounds familiar. If I had a buck for every time I heard Nick say 'Call me Nick', I'd be rich."

They all laughed.

"And this is another cousin. Her mother was Ash and my mothers' sister too: Calleigh Duquesne. She's a CSI in Miami." Chris continued.

"I think we met when I was down there on a case a few years back," Catherine said quietly. She didn't go on because Warrick had been with her on that trip and his loss still hurt.

Calleigh was very aware of the loss the LV Crime Lab had suffered. So she just said, "Yes, I remember y'all," and smiled.

Chris quickly introduced all the assorted CSI, LVPD, and lab techs. Then he looked at Brass. "Did you have something to tell us?"

Brass closed his eyes, fighting back his anger, exhaustion and pain. "Yeah. Nick's still in surgery. He'll probably be there several more hours. But Dr. Jenkins came out to let me know some things."

He paused, opened his eyes and looked around the room. His hard stare settled on Lt. Casey as Brass moved to a chair and almost collapsed on to it. "I don't know you," he said coldly.

"No you don't," Lt. Casey replied softly. "That's why I'm here." He met Brass's hard stare steadily. "I have no preconceived ideas one way or the other. I can be completely impartial." His eyes didn't waver from Brass's.

"Some will want you to crucify Nick," Brass said hostilely.

"Only if it's warranted," Casey countered.

"And pressure from above?" Brass asked.

"I thrive on pressure," Casey smirked. "What did the doctor tell you?"

Brass examined Casey's face one more time, then he began. "When they were cleaning Nick up for surgery, Dr. Jenkins found ligature marks on Nicks' wrists and ankles."

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how I'm doing!

nicksfriend: You asked, so here it is.


	10. Chapter 10

FF_12/31/2008

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: The rating will increase to M in a few chapters because of discussions of rape.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Brass examined Casey's face one more time, then he began. "When they were cleaning Nick up for surgery, Dr. Jenkins found ligature marks on Nicks' wrists and ankles."_

The smirk dropped off Lt. Casey's face. "That's why you asked about the timeline earlier. And why you asked if anyone heard from Mr. Stokes or Officer Tucker between 1:00 and 6:30." Casey's eyes were intense. "What else did the doctor find?"

"Some of Nick's injuries are…" Brass stopped for a moment, closed his eyes and clenched his fists. He fought the rage back again. His voice was husky with emotion when he resumed. "Some of Nick's injuries are… inconsistent with injuries suffered in a building collapse."

"What do you mean?" Catherine whispered.

"Some of the cuts on Nick's torso and arms are too smooth to come from being hit by debris. Dr. Jenkins believes they were inflicted with a knife." Brass opened his eyes and looked at the horror on all the faces. Tears filled most eyes.

"There's more, isn't there?" Sara asked.

"Yeah," Brass rubbed his face with his right hand. "Some of his bruises are fist and shoe-shaped."

All eyes went to Greg when he cursed viciously. He got up and faced the wall, hands clenched at his sides. Sara came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder.

Casey searched Brass's face. "That's not the worst," he stated.

Brass's eyes met Casey's. "No," his voice was rougher than before. "But first let me tell you about Nick's other injuries. Besides the depressed skull fracture, he has two other small skull fractures. One was caused apparently by falling debris. But the other… Dr. Jenkins believes it was caused by repeated blows, probably of a gun barrel."

Silence filled the room again. Silent tears fell down faces. Greg sank into a chair, Sara still beside him. Calleigh was holding Ashley in her arms. Chris sat next to them, one hand on each shoulder.

Brass took a deep breath and continued. "His left leg is broken in six places. Nick's left foot has several fractures as well. His right leg is broken in four places. He has three broken ribs on his left side. The doc says we're lucky they didn't tear up his lung." He stopped again. He didn't know if he could continue. How could he tell them the worst that Nick suffered.

Brass put his head in his hands. He felt a hand on his shoulder. When he looked up, he met Catherine's tear-filled eyes. "Just tell us, Jim. You'll feel better."

"The only thing that'll make me feel better is catching the bastards who did this to Nick." Brass fell silent again for a moment. "They found evidence of multiple detonators in the debris. It appears the building was rigged to collapse. And the doctors found… they found evidence of a drug in Nick's system. He couldn't move. He was awake, lying there, just waiting for the ceiling to fall on him. They tied Nick up, tortured and drugged him. Then they released him and left him unable to move, knowing the building was going to collapse on him." Brass's voice failed him.

No one moved. No one spoke. It was the IAB lieutenant who broke the tense silence. "I give you my word I won't rest until the bastards who did this are punished." He met Brass's eyes. "Can you get me copies of the doctors' reports and photos? I'll need them to officially exonerate Mr. Stokes."

"Doesn't that usually end IAB's involvement?" Ashley asked.

"There's no way I'm walking away from this case after hearing what they did to your brother. I'll work under whoever is placed in charge of the case."

"That would be Captain Brass. As long as you give me your word nothing unethical will happen with any suspects." The Sheriff met Brass's gaze as he came into the room. Brass had sent him a text message describing the situation on his way from surgery to the waiting room.

"You have my word," Brass said quietly. He continued to meet the Sheriff's gaze until he nodded and murmured, "Keep me apprised." Brass nodded in return.

"Will you let me help?" Lt. Casey asked. He didn't flinch from Brass's hard gaze.

"It's not my investigation until you file your report," Brass said.

"If you give me what I need, the report will be filed by noon tomorrow. In the mean time, any actions you take can be slipped under my umbrella if you want. Or we can meet with my boss and explain the situation. Exceptions are made in cases involving the death of an officer." Casey was sincere. Brass saw that. Nick's situation had hit him hard.

"I don't have time to meet with your boss, but when you do, you can contact me on my cell." Brass didn't let up on his stare. Casey didn't flinch. He just nodded and agreed.

* * *

A/N: I know most of this chapter is a review of what Brass already found out. But I wanted to show the others' reactions to the news.


	11. Chapter 11

FF_1/6/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

Next chapter the rating will jump to M, so be prepared.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Casey didn't flinch. He just nodded and agreed._

Pain… Confusion… He gasped and moaned with the pain. For a moment he wondered if he was still pinned in the debris. Had he just dreamed he'd been rescued?

Then Brass squeezed his hand gently and said, "I'm here Nick. You're safe. You just had surgery. Don't try to move yet. Just rest."

He squeezed Brass's hand once. He wanted to try to open his eyes, but he was afraid. He was afraid to be disappointed when he failed. And yet, he thought, if he didn't try, he'd already failed.

It wasn't until Brass asked, "What's wrong Nick?" that he realized he was trembling. He took a deep breath. He knew he needed to calm down. It hurt to take deep breaths. He didn't remember the pain in his ribs.

What _did_ he remember? He remembered the doctor telling him about the surgery. He remembered arriving at the hospital and being cut from the rubble. His breath hitched as he remembered meeting Brass and his fear of Lt. Casey. He moaned as he remembered Chris testing the reaction of his pupils. He remembered waking in the debris. Before that his memory was still nothing, just blank nothingness. Tears trickled from his eyes.

"Nick, what's wrong?" Brass asked again, more urgently.

He opened his mouth to say, "It's still gone; my memory's still gone," but the words still wouldn't come. His hands clenched and he moaned with frustration and despair.

Brass seemed to know what he was going to say, though. He said gruffly, "Listen kid. It's gonna be ok. Doc says it's too soon for anything to come back yet. Your brain still needs to heal. Just rest." He felt Brass pat his arm and squeeze the hand he held.

He slowly got control of his tears. His hand shook as he traced T-H-X on Brass's palm. Then the doctor swept in and gave him the same information Brass had, using a lot more technical terms.

He focused on opening his eyes while the doctor was speaking. He unconsciously squeezed Brass's hand and gasped when he got them half-way open. His excitement dimmed when he realized everything was blurry.

"Nick?" Brass questioned softly.

He traced B-L-U-R and had to stop because his hand was shaking so badly.

"Everything's blurry?" Brass asked.

He squeezed Brass's hand once.

"That's the head injury, Nick," it was Dr. Jenkins who answered. "You've got a pretty bad concussion. Your vision will probably be blurry for a while. It's a good sign that you opened your eyes, though." He felt Dr. Jenkins pat his left shoulder gently. "Just rest Nick. It's going to take time, but things _will_ improve."

He was tired, exhausted really. He roused himself a little when Brass called his name.

"Nick, do you remember Chris?" Brass asked.

He squeezed Brass's hand once.

"Either Chris or I will be with you, ok?" Brass waited for him to squeeze his hand once more before he said, "Ok, kid, just rest. Everything will be ok." He let himself be reassured by that but kept his hold on Brass until he drifted back to sleep.

Brass moved into the conference room Dr. Jenkins had directed him to on the same floor as ICU. He was nervous about leaving Nick alone, even though Dr. Jenkins had promised he'd stay with him and a uniformed officer was with him at all times. Brass had insisted on staying with Nick until he was settled in ICU, so he was a little late to this meeting.

He looked around as he entered the room. Chris sat between Ashley and Calleigh on one side of the table. Greg sat between Sara and Catherine opposite them. Grissom sat at the end of the table between Calleigh and Sara. A woman he'd never met before stood next to the door, closing it behind him.

"How is he, Jim?" it was Catherine who asked.

"He was able to open his eyes," Brass said gruffly. "Still couldn't speak or remember, though. And his vision was blurry."

"That's not terribly unusual," the stranger spoke quietly, turning to face the group. She was attractive, with auburn hair and bright green eyes. She smiled at the group. "Normally I'd have the patient's regular doctor introduce us, but Dr. Jenkins is with Nick and these aren't normal circumstances. My name is Megan O'Rourke and I'm Nick's psychiatrist."

She waited for the exclamations to die then answered the question on everyone's mind. "I've been seeing Nick at least once a week for almost eight years." A heavy silence fell as she continued. "Under normal circumstances and per Nick's wishes, I wouldn't be speaking with you even to tell you that much. But I have Nick's permission to speak with a select group of people if I feel the need is there and he's not capable of making that decision. I believe this situation falls under those conditions."

Silence reigned for sever more moments before Greg spoke. "You said a select group?" he questioned.

Megan sighed. "When Nick came back from Dallas after he was buried alive, he was very upset. His father was trying to force him to move back to Texas. Nick wanted no part of it. He felt and I agreed with him, that he _needed_ to be here, in Vegas, with the people who did everything in their power to save him. We discussed his options and that's when he made a few changes. He changed his primary 'Next-of-kin' on his personnel records to Captain Brass." Megan nodded her head toward Brass.

"Jim… did you know?" Catherine gasped.

"Yeah," Brass answered gruffly. "Nicky talked to me about it before he sent the paperwork through. He also made me his power of attorney if he was ever deemed incompetent to make his own decisions. He didn't say why and I didn't ask."

"So, the rest of the group? I assume this is also when he gave you permission to talk to us." Grissom spoke calmly after another period of silence.

"Everyone in this room is listed in the document Nick composed." Megan smiled as Calleigh's head jerked up and she stared at the psychiatrist. "Yes, even you, Calleigh."

"How did you know…?" Calleigh's voice failed.

"… who you are?" Megan finished for her. "Have you ever heard Nick describe anyone?" Smiles flashed around the conference table.

Megan pulled a piece of paper from a folder sitting on the table. "The only people on the list not in this room are Chris's parents. But just to reassure everyone, I'll read the names Nick has listed: Jim Brass, Ashley Grey, Chris Taylor, Richard Taylor, Barbara Taylor, Gil Grissom, Catherine Willows, Greg Sanders, Calleigh Duquesne, and Sara Sidle." Megan had met each of their eyes as she read their name from the list, leaving no doubt that she knew who each of them were.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for the feedback. I'm trying to keep ahead of y'all! :)


	12. Chapter 12

FF_1/6/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Megan had met each of their eyes as she read their name from the list, leaving no doubt that she knew who each of them were._

It was Ashley who spoke next. "May I ask what your relationship is with my brother?"

Megan looked at her, startled. "We're doctor and patient," she said quietly.

"And outside your office?" Ashley continued to press.

Megan didn't reply for a moment. She knew what Ashley was implying but it wasn't true. "Outside my office, Nick and I are friends, just good friends." She looked at the assembled group, not wanting to reveal so much of herself. But she knew it wasn't fair to ask them to trust her without giving them something about herself.

"When… when my fiancé was murdered six months ago, Nick was there for me." Megan continued before anyone could interrupt. "It was the dayshift CSIs who investigated. Nick was just there as a friend. He found out what was going on because I had to cancel our appointment that day. Director Ecklie got very upset with him, but Nick told him he was on his own time and there was nothing Ecklie could do. Nick didn't interfere with the CSIs. He didn't interrupt the questioning. He just stayed with me, not saying anything, holding my hand and helping me hold on."

Megan turned away, putting a hand over her eyes. She fought for control. "And then he just held me when I fell apart after they caught the bastard who killed Jeremy." Megan quietly wiped the tears from her eyes. She turned back to Ashley. "Does that answer your question?"

Ashley nodded without speaking, meeting her eyes unapologetically. Megan took several deep breaths to calm her self before addressing the group again.

"We're here today because of Nick's memory problems. Dr. Jenkins says he doesn't remember anything before he regained consciousness in the rubble." Megan looked at Brass and he confirmed it with a nod, before she continued.

"Strong emotional memories are what Nick will remember first. Unfortunately he doesn't have many positive memories of that sort." Megan paused again as several of the others sighed heavily.

"All of us need to be prepared to help Nick with whatever memory surfaces. In order to be prepared, you all need to know the worst of what Nick is going to remember. I know some of you think you know it all, but trust me, you don't." Megan looked at Catherine.

Catherine flinched. "Is this really necessary?" she asked hoarsely.

"Ms. Willows…" Megan began.

"Catherine," Catherine interrupted.

"Catherine, I don't want to betray Nick's confidences any more than you do…"

"Then don't!" Catherine snapped.

"I have to," Megan replied. "He didn't tell you all the truth. And not everything he told you _was_ the truth. He told you enough of the truth to keep you from removing him from the case, that's all. He felt guilty about it, but not enough to tell you any more."

Catherine met Megan's eyes. "Why?" she asked. She had a horrible suspicion she knew.

"It was a hell of a lot worse than what he told you," Megan replied.

Catherine closed her eyes – suspicion confirmed.

"You want to fill us in on what you're talking about?" Grissom asked quietly.

"it was five or six years ago, Nick and I were working on a case together. A young boy died in his therapist's living room. We found blanket fibers on his boxers, but not his jeans or shirt. Nick was convinced the therapist was molesting him. He wouldn't listen to me, he was determined to prove it. I had to threaten to kick him off the case before he'd tell me anything." Catherine spoke quietly.

"That was the rebirthing case, wasn't it?" Grissom asked. Catherine nodded.

"So what _did _he tell you?" Greg asked.

"I'll never forget it," Catherine said, tears in her eyes. "He took a deep breath, looked at me and said, 'Ok. There's some people you're supposed to be able to trust, ya know? I was nine and she was a last minute babysitter. All I can remember doin' afterward is sittin' in my room in the dark, starin' at the door, waiting for my… mom to get home. But I've never told anyone before.' I told him I was sorry and he said, 'It's what makes a person, I guess.'" Catherine's voice faltered then died. No one else spoke for a moment.

The Sara looked at Megan and said," So what was the truth?"

Megan's voice was soft. "He _was_ nine. And there _was_ a last-minute babysitter."

"But it wasn't a she," it was Ashley who interrupted. "It was Jack, Jack Webster." They could see the tears in her eyes when she looked at Megan who nodded as Ashley continued. "He was a ranch hand. He lived in the bunkhouse." Her tears spilled over and she hid her head in her hands.

"Yes," Megan confirmed. "I know you don't want to hear this. But you need to know the details of this assault to understand what Nick will be going through when he remembers."

"_This_ assault?" It was Catherine who caught the careful wording. "There was more than one?"

"Yes," Megan replied. "Jack Webster raped Nick every day for nearly a month and a half."

Ashley collapsed, her face buried in her arms on the table, weeping. Calleigh moved to her other side, gathered Ashley into her arms and rocked her gently. She had tears running down her face as well. Chris just sat there in shock, unmoving. Catherine's tears didn't fall – she was still staring at Megan in horror.

Expletives burst from Brass's mouth and he clenched his fists so hard they hurt. Greg found himself with an armful of Sara as she buried her face in his shoulder to hide _her_ tears. He gently patted Sara's back, wondering how Nick had done it all those years. How had he faced all those cases of abuse? Grissom hid his shock and horror behind his poker face. He never would have believed Nick Stokes could have been sexually abused as a child.

Megan gave them time to compose themselves. She got bottles of water from a small refrigerator in the corner of the room and passed them around the table.

Finally, Catherine began again. "Is that when Nick came to you? After that case?"

"No," Megan answered. "I'd been seeing him for almost a year. But after he told you that much, he finally began discussing it with me. It took Nick about a year and a half to get through it all."

Silence filled the room until Grissom said hesitantly, "You said something about details?"

* * *

A/N: Hope you like it. Let me know.


	13. Chapter 13

FF_1/6/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: I didn't get graphic, but there are details of Nick's assault here, so be prepared.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Silence filled the room until Grissom said hesitantly, "You said something about details?"_

"Yes," Megan sighed and seated herself in front of the folder on the table. She opened the folder and steeled herself to begin. "It was the evening after the last day of school. From what Nick said, his parents took everyone out to dinner each year to celebrate grades."

"Yeah, A's were expected, B's were tolerated, and C's were unacceptable." Ashley spoke softly.

"Nick got a C that year," Megan continued. "So he wasn't allowed to go to dinner. Jack Webster offered to baby-sit. Nick's parents agreed. After all, Jack lived on the ranch anyway." Megan took a deep breath.

"Jack waited until they'd been gone for ten minutes; then he came up next to Nick where he was watching TV. He grabbed him by the wrist and just dragged him after him as he went up the stairs. Nick cried out and fought but he couldn't get away."

"Jack threw Nick into his own bed. He always wore a gun and a knife. When Nick looked up from the bed, Jack was pointing the gun at him. Nick froze. Jack straddled him and tied his hands to the headboard. Then he forced the gun into Nick's mouth and tore his clothes off."

Megan paused for a moment and got herself a bottle of water. The room was silent while she took a deep drink. Megan fiddled with the water bottle, reluctant to continue. But she knew she had to for Nick.

"Jack threatened Nick the whole time he was tying him up and stripping him. He told Nick he didn't usually rape boys, but Nick was just too pretty to pass up. That's why Jack had taken the job at the Stokes' – he'd heard they had five daughters. He'd figured he'd find one he liked. But Nick had fallen into his hands first." Megan continued to talk over the horrified reactions of Nick's family and friends.

Megan's voice was calm and professional as she continued. "Jack raped Nick with his fingers, his beer bottle, and then finally himself. He kept the gun in Nick's mouth the entire time. Nick kept his eyes on the clock, because his parents told Jack they'd be home by midnight. But about 11:45 the phone rang. Nick's father called to say one of the girls had broken her arm, and they were going to stay the night in a hotel near the hospital. Jack Webster continued to rape Nick until nearly dawn."

"Jack made Nick strip his bed and wash the blood out of his sheets. He ripped the wet sheets and threw them on top of Nick's torn clothing. Then he finally allowed Nick to get dressed. While Nick was dressing in his pajamas, Jack told him if he told anyone what happened he would rape his mother and sisters, then kill his entire family except Nick. He'd move on and take Nick with him."

"Nick stayed in his room until his father came up to see him. Before Nick could say anything, he noticed Jack standing behind his father with his hand on his gun. Nick stayed silent while his father looked from the pile of torn clothes and sheets to himself. His father told Nick he didn't know how Jack had punished him, but he was certain Nick deserved it." Megan heard the gasps but continued. "The Judge told Nick that since he couldn't mind Jack when he was babysitting, maybe he could learn after working with him for the summer."

"Nick didn't object. Jack was still standing behind his father, smiling with his hand on his gun. The Judge insisted Nick clean up the pile of torn sheets and clothing before dressing for breakfast. After breakfast he sent Nick out to work on the ranch alone with Jack Webster."

Megan paused for another drink of water. She kept her hands from trembling with sheer determination. She took in the nauseous looks on the faces around the table. "Nick's father sent him out to work with Jack Webster every morning that summer. They always rode horses and they always worked alone. After they were away from the house, Jack would stop and pull Nick from the horse. He would strip Nick's shirt off and tie his hands together. Then he'd get Nick back on his horse and head off to where they were working. He'd make Nick work with his hands bound in front of him while he sat there and watched. When he was ready, he'd rape Nick, sometimes with a beer bottle… sometimes with his gun, always at least once with himself. Sometimes Nick would finish the job they were supposed to do, most often not. Of course Jack always had some lie about how Nick had screwed up to explain why the work wasn't done. So of course his father punished him for these false accusations. Most of the time the Judge would take his belt to Nick's back; rarely he was just grounded. Nick never argued or complained. Jack was always there with his gun and knife."

"Nick told me he prayed for death: his death, Jack's death. Apparently he inadvertently said it out loud once. Jack jumped on it. He told Nick that if Nick died, Jack would move on to his sisters. He told Nick he'd rape them over and over, until they begged for death. Jack told Nick his sisters' suffering would be Nick's fault. Nick never prayed for his own death again. He also made sure that Webster was _never_ left alone with any of his sisters or his mother.

The shock and horror was repeated on every face in the conference room. They just couldn't believe Nick had been so brutalized and terrorized as a child. And even then, Nick had tried to protect his family.

Grissom had lost his poker face. Guilt joined the shock and horror as he realized how badly he'd misjudged the younger man. The strength it'd taken for Nick to just survive was enormous. And Nick hadn't just survived – he'd overcome, he'd grown, he'd excelled.

* * *

A/N: Please review. Hopefully next chapter you'll see where all this is going.


	14. Chapter 14

FF_1/12/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: More on the case in this chapter. Who did this to Nick?

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Grissom had lost his poker face. Guilt joined the shock and horror as he realized how badly he'd misjudged the younger man. The strength it'd taken for Nick to just survive was enormous. And Nick hadn't just survived – he'd overcome, he'd grown, he'd excelled._

"So, how did it end?" Chris spoke to Megan for the first time. His voice startled Grissom out of his own thoughts and he began listening to Megan again.

"Nick told me his prayers were answered," Megan responded. "And after he told me what happened, I had to agree. When Jack was ready to rape Nick, he'd tie his hands to the saddle horn of Nick's saddle. He'd rape Nick, then put the saddle back on the horse with Nick still tied to it. Sometimes he'd make Nick walk or run alongside the horse; sometimes he'd drag him. And then he'd get him into the saddle until they were at the drop-off point where he'd release Nick and give him back his shirt. The day it all ended, Jack was putting the saddle back on the horse next to some rocks. Nick said he heard the noises but didn't really pay attention to them. The rocks were as high as Nick's shoulders and were filled with snakes – rattlers." Megan watched all the faces snap to hers. She continued. "Nick was bitten on his upper arm while Jack was getting the saddle buckled on. When Nick cried out, Jack panicked. He knew there was no lie that could save him if Nick died. Webster came around the horse and practically threw Nick into the saddle. This spooked the horse and he reared. Nick was able to stay on, but the horse knocked Webster into the rocks and snakes. Nick saw him bitten at least ten times before the horse bolted with him."

"When some of the other ranch hands found Nick he was delirious. By the time he'd been treated and was fully conscious again, it was days later and Jack Webster had been found dead. He'd been given a hero's funeral, the misconception being that Webster had fallen into the snakes in an attempt to save Nick."

"What did Nick tell them when he woke up?" Greg asked.

Megan looked at all of them but her gaze settled on Brass as she answered, "He didn't speak for another two months."

"Not a word," Brass asked, "for two months?"

"Nothing," it was Ashley who replied. "I knew something horrible had happened to him. Everyone kept telling him he needed to talk about Jack Webster and how he'd died to save him. Nick would just sit there staring straight ahead. He'd do whatever anyone told him, except talk." Ashley's voice was husky with tears.

Suddenly there was knocking on the door. When Megan opened it, Archie was there. His face was flushed with excitement and something else they couldn't quite identify.

"What is it, Archie?" Brass demanded.

"I traced the hacker," Archie shifted from foot to foot, his hands jammed into his pockets.

"And…?" Brass was impatient.

"And it came from the new North LV Correctional Facility." Archie shifted again, uncomfortable being the focus of so many eyes. "Each cell block shares a log-on, so it's impossible to identify an individual prisoner."

"Did you identify the cell block?" Grissom asked calmly, his face impassive.

"Yeah," Archie responded. "And you won't believe who's housed there – Jack Willman."

"Who…?" Ashley was confused.

"Jack Willman murdered Kristy Hopkins and tried to frame Nick." It was Catherine who responded.

"That's not all," Archie couldn't stay still. "Nigel Crane's also housed in that cell block."

"Shit," cursed Brass.

"Crane got into Nick's e-mail before. He also somehow had access to that internal department newsletter," Sara said hotly.

"Sara, we don't have any evidence that Crane intercepted that call; or even that he's still interested in Nick," Grissom cautioned.

"That last part's not true," Megan spoke up. She continued as all eyes focused on her. "Nigel Crane has been writing Nick at least one letter a week since he was incarcerated. Nick gives them to me unopened. I look at them and file then. I've also observed several of Crane's therapy sessions. I usually go every three to four months."

"And…?" Sara demanded.

"And Crane is angry with Nick. He expected his best friend Nick to get him out of there a long time ago." Megan looked at Archie. He was still shifting from foot to foot. "Mr. Johnson, what else is it?"

Archie's gaze snapped to her face. "I don't know if it means anything…"

"Nick was impressed with your instincts. What's setting them off now?" Megan was cool and professional.

"Right next to that cellblock is Jeffrey McKeen's isolation cell," Archie blurted.

* * *

A/N: So who was it? Any guesses?


	15. Chapter 15

FF_1/13/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: Here's the OC part of Nick/OC.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_Right next to that cellblock is Jeffrey McKeen's isolation cell," Archie blurted._

A deafening silence fell. Before anyone could react Dr. Jenkins almost pushed his way into the room, his arm supporting a woman. "I'm sorry," he muttered, "Excuse me."

All eyes focused on the two interlopers. Eyes studied the attractive woman as she began to speak. Her hands ran through her long wavy black hair and she murmured, "I can't work tonight, Aaron. I can't…" Her voice broke and her violet eyes filled with tears.

"Maria, what is it?" It was Megan who responded.

"I can't work. I need… I need to find Captain Brass."

"What?" Brass exploded. "Who are you?"

The stranger looked up and met Brass's hard gaze. "My name is Maria Teresa Santiago," she almost whispered. "Nick said to find you if anything ever happened to him." The tears slowly broke free and slid down her face. She put her purse on the table and began pulling things from inside. When she pulled out a pair of sealed envelopes, she looked at them and handed one to Brass.

She met Brass's hard stare, the tears still sliding down her face. Finally Brass looked down at the envelope in his hand. He noted that his name was on the front in what appeared to be Nick's handwriting. Brass slowly opened the envelope. He read the enclosed hand-written letter aloud:

**_Jim,_**

**_If you're reading this, something happened to me. I don't know what, but I'm either missing, dead or incapacitated. It's not that I sense anything going on or I'm psychic or anything. It's just that I know my odds. And after what happened to Warrick, I didn't want to take any chances._**

**_Maria Santiago and I have been dating for six months. Now you're wondering why you haven't met her or I haven't said anything. It just worked out that way. I called Maria and she was going to meet us that morning after we cleared Warrick. But a patient was coding and she couldn't make it before… you know. It just didn't seem as important for a while after Warrick died._**

**_I tried again last Friday morning, remember? I asked all of you out to breakfast after shift. Well, Thursday Maria found out her grandfather died in Mexico. She's his only living relative and he was hers. So she had to go make the arrangements. I tried to go with her, but we're too short-handed. That's why I wrote this letter for her to take with her, just in case._**

**_So Jim, please take care of my Maria. At least until I can do it myself. You're my next-of-kin on all my records. You can make sure she's kept in the loop. I love her, Jim. Please do this for me. I know if you give your word, you'll follow through. Promise me, man._**

**_Thanks,_**

**_Nick_**

**_PS. Maria's an ICU intensivist at Desert Palms, so if you can't get her at home, you'll probably find her there._**

**_NS_**

Brass slowly folded the letter and replaced it in the envelope. Ashley spoke before he could.

"What is _that_?" She was pointing to an item Maria had taken from her purse. It appeared to be a ring box.

"It's not what you think," Maria answered softly. A smile bloomed on her face through the tears on her cheeks as she remembered. "Nick said that Warrick would rise from his grave and kick his ass if he got engaged or married anytime within a year of when he died. He said every time he thought about it, he heard 'Rick's voice in his head saying 'Remember Yoko.'"

All the CSIs and Brass laughed.

"So what is it?" Calleigh asked quietly.

Maria opened the box and revealed a key. "Nick asked me to move in with him. He was going to introduce me on Friday morning then ask you to help me move on Saturday. Since I had to go to Mexico for my grandfather, Nick hired movers. He didn't want to ask you unless you met me first." Maria looked around the room.

Megan nodded at the other letter Maria still held. "What's that?"

"This one's for you," Maria replied. She gave the envelope to her friend.

Megan opened it. "It adds Maria to the list of people we've discussed," she said.

Grissom caught Brass's eyes. He spoke quietly, unemotionally. "I don't mean to be negative, but what evidence do we have that those letters were actually written by Nick?"

Brass looked back at the letter in his hand. "It's notarized," he said, "notarized by Judy, the secretary at the lab."

"Then they definitely came from Nick," Greg said. "Judy takes her notary duties seriously."

Just then an overhead page interrupted. "Dr. Jenkins to ICU stat! Dr. Jenkins please report to ICU stat!"

* * *

A/N: And no, Nick's angst/ torment is not over. Insert evil laugh.


	16. Chapter 16

FF_1/14/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Just then an overhead page interrupted. "Dr. Jenkins to ICU stat! Dr. Jenkins please report to ICU stat!"_

Dr. Jenkins rushed out of the conference room with Maria close behind. Brass shrugged and followed them. He heard the others leave the conference room and follow as well.

Brass heard the screams as he approached the ICU; screams of pain and terror. The screams abruptly cut off as he came up to the door leading to the unit. He could see nothing through the doors, but knew the screams were Nick's.

Inside the ICU, Dr. Jenkins watched as Nick stopped fighting against the restraints. He watched as the medicine he'd injected into Nick's IV took effect. After Nick's eyes closed and he fell into unconsciousness, Dr. Jenkins gently released the restraints. He scowled at the raw stripes on Nick's wrists from his struggles against the restraints. He gestured at the nurse to bandage Nick's wounds.

Dr. Jenkins stormed out to the nurse's station where Nick's nurse Angie stood with the Nursing Coordinator. "What on earth were you thinking?!" he hissed, fighting to keep his voice down. "Did you bother to look at Mr. Stokes's chart before you put him in restraints?" He glared at the nurse.

"I… I…" Angie Riker stammered.

"There's a warning in his file that says 'No Restraints,'" Dr. Jenkins raged quietly. "The nurse you relieved should have told you the same thing."

"I was late," Angie whispered, "I missed report. I… I'm sorry. He started getting agitated. He scared me."

"You can't just restrain people because you're scared." Carly Rodgers, the Nurse Coordinator snapped. "You need a better reason than that! Go home. Take two days to figure out whether this is really what you want to do."

"I… I'm sorry," Angie stammered again. She moved to the exit and looked back. She didn't see Jim Brass standing just inside the doorway to the ICU Waiting Room. As Angie looked back at Dr. Jenkins and Nick's cubicle in ICU, her anxious expression transformed into a victorious smirk and she muttered, "Assholes!" Her expression reverted to anxiety as she noticed Detectives Vega and Vartann approaching.

Brass let Vega and Vartann find him in the Waiting Room before quietly instructing Vega to follow the nurse. He didn't know what'd happened in ICU, but the nurse was acting suspicious. Brass saw Dr. Jenkins and caught his attention.

"What happened?" he asked.

"A new nurse made a mistake," Dr. Jenkins said, sighing heavily. He looked at Brass. "He's ok physically. But she put him in restraints. Nick freaked out. I had to sedate him."

"Are you sure it was a mistake?" Brass asked.

"Why are you asking?" Dr. Jenkins responded.

"Because she didn't act like someone who'd made a mistake. She looked like someone who put one over on someone." Brass responded. "Can you check out her story?"

"Sure," Dr. Jenkins replied. He didn't believe Brass was right, but after all Nick had already suffered, he wasn't willing to chance he was wrong. He went back inside the ICU.

Brass's phone rang. It was Vega. "Yeah," Brass said.

"I lost her," Vega replied. "She had someone waiting for her. I'm pretty sure it was our Lt. Casey impostor. There wasn't a plate on the car and it's a gold Saturn SL1. It had no identifying characteristics and they're all over the place."

Brass swore softly and told Vega to come back. He looked up as Dr. Jenkins came back into the Waiting Room, anger on his face.

"She lied," Dr. Jenkins said bluntly. "She said she was late and didn't get report from Nick's prior nurse. But she was early. And Nick's nurse specifically told her about the 'No Restraints' order. Ms. Riker did it on purpose." His face was grim.

"Alex, go to Human Resources with Dr. Jenkins. See if they'll give you Nurse Riker's employment file without a warrant." Brass ordered.

Vartann nodded. "If they won't, I'm pretty sure I know a judge who'll give us a warrant." He moved off with Dr. Jenkins.

Before Brass could consider his next move, a woman dressed in scrubs entered the Waiting Room. "I need to speak to Jim Brass and/or Chris Taylor," she said to the room.

Brass and Chris moved to her side and she ushered them into the hall. "I'm Carly Rodgers, the Nurse Coordinator here at Desert Palms." She nodded as they introduced themselves. "Dr. Santiago sent me to get one or both of you. Mr. Stokes is getting agitated; having nightmares. Dr. Santiago believes having you at his side will help calm him."

Brass and Chris exchanged glances, then nodded in silent agreement at Ms. Rodgers. They followed her into ICU and Nick's cubicle. They could hear Nick whimpering, his eyes moving rapidly behind his closed lids evidence of the nightmare their friend was experiencing.

Maria looked up at them, tears in her eyes. She was holding on to Nick's hand tightly. "I can't calm him. I was hoping you could." Maria moved away from the bed, reluctantly releasing Nick's hand and allowing Brass and Chris to take positions on both sides.

Brass picked up Nick's right hand and began murmuring to him. Chris stroked Nick's cheek like he had when Nick was trapped and added his voice to Brass's.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know if you're still with me - Review all ready!


	17. Chapter 17

FF_1/14/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: **_The bold italicized print is Nick's dream._**

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Brass picked up Nick's right hand and began murmuring to him. Chris stroked Nick's cheek like he had when Nick was trapped and added his voice to Brass's._

_**The pain made Nick whimper – pain in his privates. He shook as terror flowed through him. Looking up at his father, he silently begged with his eyes not to be punished. He knew better than to say anything out loud. That would only increase the punishment. Then Jack Webster came up behind his father and slapped him on the back.**_

"_**He doesn't think that look will get him out of anything, does he? My God, he looks like a fag," Jack murmured to the Judge.**_

_**Nick saw the anger crystallize in his father's eyes and braced himself for the beating. He fought to stay quiet as the belt hit him again and again. But finally he couldn't stop the cries of pain. For that, he was struck fifteen times instead of ten.**_

_**Nick heard his father's voice in his ear as he lay there gasping and whimpering in pain. "Clean yourself up and get in to dinner." His father paused then said, "Actually, skip dinner, just stay in your room. I don't want to see you again tonight."**_

_**Nick lay there until his father began moving to the house before starting to move himself. He'd forgotten Jack was still there, though. He cringed when his trembling body was caressed. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and begged, "Please… please stop… Don't…"He stopped speaking when the hand covered his mouth and nose. Jack's other hand continued to roam Nick's body, getting closer and closer to his privates. Nick couldn't help but fight the hand cutting off his air, struggling to pull it away. But he was no match for Jack.**_

_**Nick began to beg again. "Please… no… please… stop…" mumbling against the hand suffocating him. His mumbling became a scream of pain as Jack's other hand reached his privates and began squeezing.**_

_**Nick met Jack's eyes as he fought to get free. "Remember, not a word to anyone or your family will die." Finally Jack released him and left. Nick stayed there until both his breathing and tears were under control before attempting to get up again.**_

_**When he did, his stomach cramped and Nick threw up the little that was there. He doggedly cleaned up his mess before moving dispiritedly toward the house. He shivered when he saw his father waiting for him. Nick again tried to plead for forgiveness with his eyes, but his father just silently handed him a sandwich and gestured towards the stairs.**_

_**Nick collapsed when he got to the safety of his room. His tears poured down and his shoulders shook with the force of his silent sobs. He just wanted to crawl into the comfort of his mother's arms and have her make it all go away. He quietly keened for her, knowing he couldn't let anyone hear him. So his nearly silent calls of "Mama… Mama, I need you… Please, Mama…" when unheard and unanswered.**_

Nick's whimpers hurt the two men holding his hands. They squeezed them gently and tried to reassure Nick he wasn't alone. But their words and touch weren't getting through to him. Jim cringed inside when Nick began begging. He looked over at Chris and knew he was just as affected. They both flinched when Nick cried out in pain, wondering what Nick was suffering in his dreams. Nick quieted for a few minutes and the two men exchanged relieved glances, hoping their charge could finally rest. Glancing back at Nick, Chris cursed softly, drawing Brass's attention to Nick's silent sobs.

Brass paled and cursed after leaning closer to hear Nick's nearly silent words. He looked at Chris helplessly, murmuring, "He's calling for his mother."

Chris forced himself to hold back his tears. "Oh, cuz," he whispered as his hand gently wiped away Nick's tears. "We're here, Nick. We're here and you're safe right now. You're safe."

Maria quietly came into the cubicle. Sadness filled her face as she took in Brass and Chris's expressions. She glanced at Nick and gasped as she took in his opened eyes.

* * *

A/N: I promise I won't just torment Nick. He's actually much stronger than anyone takes him for.


	18. Chapter 18

FF_1/19/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Maria quietly came into the cubicle. Sadness filled her face as she took in Brass and Chris's expressions. She glanced at Nick and gasped as she took in his opened eyes._

"Nick?" Brass questioned softly, following Maria's gaze.

"J-Jim," Nick stammered, his voice a hoarse whisper, his throat as dry as sandpaper.

"Yeah kid, it's me," Brass quietly grinned. He was elated to hear his friend's voice again. "Chris is here, too."

Nick's eyes flicked toward Chris and he squeezed Chris's hand. Then his eyes went back toward the figure at the foot of his bed. "M'ria?" Nick squinted, fighting his blurry vision.

Maria rushed to Nick's side as Brass moved out of her way. She didn't even notice. "Si," she murmured, "it's me." Tears fell down her face. "What to you remember, love?"

Nick flinched and closed his eyes. He smiled gratefully at Maria when she held a cup with a straw to his lips. He took two small sips of water and his expression became pained again. "Everything," he whispered, meeting all three pairs of eyes briefly. "I remember everything." They all saw the pain deep in his eyes. Nick sighed and closed his eyes, trying to keep the pain away for a moment.

Maria caressed Nick's cheek and he leaned into her touch. She looked at Brass. "Sorry, I came in here to tell you that Detectives Vega and Vartann wanted to see you."

Brass nodded but didn't leave right away. He quietly moved back toward Nick. "Nick, you said you remember everything." He waited for Nick's small nod of confirmation. "Do you remember the nurse who just put you in restraints?"

"Yeah," Nick said quietly. He shuddered. "She said…" Nick closed his eyes again, fighting the fear. "She said they could get to me anywhere, that I was helpless to stop them." There were tears in his eyes when he opened them again. "I was too weak to stop her."

"Give yourself a break, cuz. You're not Superman. You just had a building fall on you thirty-six hours ago or so." Chris squeezed Nick's hand gently.

"Did she say who 'they' were?" Brass asked.

"No," Nick whispered. "No one ever said who – just some 'old friends' of mine."

"Ok, kid, just rest right now. I'll be back later. Chris and Maria will stay with ya." Brass turned to leave, but Nick's voice stopped him.

"Jim, did you get my letter?" Nick clung to Maria's hand.

"Yeah, kid I did," Jim grinned at him. "I'm happy for ya, Nick. And don't worry about Maria. We'll take care of her, too."

Nick's grateful smile was worth a thousand words, but he forced out a, "thanks," anyway before his eyes closed in exhaustion.

"It's all right, just rest," Maria soothed, nodding at Jim to leave.

Brass made his way back to the Waiting Room, a relieved smile on his face.

"Jim?" Catherine gasped out. The others in the Waiting Room looked at Brass as he stood in the door. Nick's family and friends had the room to themselves, as it was visiting hours in the ICU at the time.

"Nick woke up. He spoke to me; said he remembered everything. He's exhausted though," Brass cautioned. "So we didn't get into what happened at the scene yet." Brass looked over at Dr. Jenkins and Vartann. "What do ya got?"

"Her file is missing," Alex said in disgust. "As soon as they find it, we get a look."

"Is it really _lost_?" Brass asked.

"Yeah, I think so." It was Dr. Jenkins who answered. "The clerk is young and easily flustered. Detective Vartann scared her." Vartann shrugged and Dr. Jenkins continued. "I spoke with the manager of HR. They'll get you the file."

"Good," Brass nodded. He looked at Vega. "We need a uniform for Nick's door. The nurse told Nick they could get to him anytime, anywhere. I'd like to prove her wrong. Three unis, eight hour shifts. And no one goes in there that hasn't been approved by Drs. Jenkins or Santiago."

Vega nodded. "Nick say anything about who did this?" he asked before he left to follow Brass's instructions.

"No," Brass responded. "He said no one said who hired them – just some old friends of his."

Concern replaced the relief at Nick's improvement as they considered the implications. That news didn't give them any more clues about who was targeting Nick.

Vega left to make some calls. Dr. Jenkins and Megan O'Rourke followed him out. They were going to check on Nick.

Vartann's phone rang as Brass sat down and leaned his head back against the wall. He looked at Vartann in question when he finished the call.

"They found the file. It was misfiled." Vartann looked at the CSIs sitting there. "Anyone want to come with me?"

"I'll go," Greg jumped to his feet. "Gris, what's Ecklie say about who's running Nick's case?"

"He and I are running it together," Grissom replied. "Ecklie knew we wouldn't want to leave the hospital for a while, so he and some day shifters are working the original scene. He said we can catch anything that comes up here."

"Good," Greg and Vartann left.

"Jim," Grissom said quietly, "when's the last time you slept?"

"I don't know," Brass admitted. "But I'm not leaving. I need to be available. I promised Nick I wouldn't leave him until he's safe."

"There's a cot in there," Ashley gestured to a door across the room. "We've been taking turns getting a little rest. We'll wake you as soon as you're needed."

Brass nodded, but looked back at Grissom. "Where does the evidence stand?"

* * *

A/N: Please let me know where I stand! Review already!


	19. Chapter 19

FF_1/21/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Brass nodded, but looked back at Grissom. "Where does the evidence stand?"_

Grissom replied, "Like I said, Ecklie is covering the scene. I haven't heard any more from him yet. Al called after the post of Officer Tucker." He paused for a moment when Brass grimaced in pain. "Officer Tucker sustained a single small-caliber gunshot to the back of the skull, execution-style. TOD is between midnight and 3 am. However, since Nick was on the phone with Vartann until about 1, that narrows TOD down to 1 to 3 am." Grissom looked pensive.

"I think killing Officer Tucker was probably the first thing on their agenda." Brass nodded at Grissom to continue.

"I sent Archie back to the lab with Nick's clothes, scrapings from under his fingernails, and copies of the doctor's photographs and notes. It'll probably be a few hours before we hear anything on that. Conrad said Nick's case will get top priority. He also offered Brad Longley to go to any interviews at the prison."

"Ok, wake me up when you guys hear anything," Brass forced himself up and moved to the sleep room.

Maria and Chris were chatting quietly when Drs. Jenkins and O'Rourke slipped into Nick's cubicle. Nick was sleeping. They checked on Nick then left to care for other patients.

Three hours later, they were back. Dr. Jenkins busied himself with checking Nick's vitals, while Megan just watched him sleep. Everyone stopped what they were doing when Nick moaned in his sleep.

_**Nick walked into the house between his parents. They'd just been to his doctors. The medical one had finally released him from his care. He was healed from the snakebite. It was the psychiatrist visit that had his father berating him all the way home. His mother hadn't spoken at all.**_

_**His father's words rang in his head: "You ought to be ashamed of yourself… weak… coward… can't do anything right…" Nick kept his face blank with effort.**_

"_**Since you're through with Dr. Roberts, you can start doing your chores again," his father snapped as they entered the house. "Go muck out the stalls in the barn."**_

_**Nick saw Ashley about to object. He quickly coughed then shook his head no when she looked at him. Still she tried. "Aren't we gonna have a celebration dinner for Nick bein' ok now?"**_

"_**Your brother is nothing to celebrate," the Judge snapped. He stormed inside his study and slammed the door.**_

_**Nick winced and hung his head. He slowly moved toward the back door on his way to the barn. He didn't stop when he saw Ashley's feet in front of him. He just silently moved around her.**_

_**Nick heard the sob catch in his sister's throat. Her hand on his arm stopped him for a moment. "Nicky, it's not fair," she whispered. "Please don't do this. You're not strong enough yet."**_

_**Nick finally met her eyes. He moved his eyes to the door of their father's study then back. Ashley knew what he was saying. Their father expected Nick to do what he was told. There would be major consequences if he didn't at least try.**_

"_**Then let me help, at least," she begged. Nick silently shook his head. His eyes went to their father's study and back to his sister's face again. Seeing the fear in his eyes, she reluctantly let go of his arm. Nick quickly left the house.**_

_**It was an hour and a half later and Nick had only just finished the third stall. Before the snakebite he'd been able to finish a stall in fifteen minutes. With eight stalls, Nick didn't know how he'd get done tonight. Nick scooped up some feed, but his shaking hands spilled it all over the floor. The doctor had told him this would probably happen for a while because of nerve damage from the snakebite, but it made cleaning out the stalls very difficult.**_

"_**What the hell is taking so long?" Nick flinched as his father's voice whipped across his ears.**_

_**Nick turned to face him, his hands trembling uncontrollably. He saw his father's glare take in the trembling and took a step backward at the rage, disgust and hate in his father's eyes. Nick's retreat just enraged his father more. He pulled his belt off and gestured to Nick to take off his shirt.**_

_**Nick slowly removed his shirt and his father then pointed down. Nick slid to his knees and bowed his head, waiting for the beating. After five strikes, Nick collapsed to his hands and knees, but he didn't cry out. Then, finally it was over.**_

_**Nick cowered away as his father loomed over him. "I don't want to see you again until this is done!"**_

_**Nick fought his way to his feet after his father left, moaning in pain. He swayed for a little before catching his balance, holding on to the stall door. Someone came up behind him and he cried out and shrank back into the floor, curling into a ball in terror. Someone touched his shoulder and he flinched and cried out again, scooting away, arms and legs scrabbling, to move him to safety.**_

_**Nick stayed there, frozen in terror for what seemed like an hour, but was only ten minutes. Finally he forced himself to his feet, moving back to the feed and trying to get his hands to stop trembling so he could finish his chores. Quietly, gently, another set of hands cupped his, holding them steady. Nick turned his head to see his older brother Billy there helping him. Billy didn't say anything, he just supported him. Billy waited until the chores were done before gently questioning his brother. Nick tried to stop his brother from planning to tell someone in authority what their father was doing to Nick, but Billy was just as stubborn as Nick. He was determined to protect his brother. Billy promised to let him know what happened when he got back to college. That was the last time he'd seen his brother.**_

* * *

A/N: Hmmm. I wonder if he'll see his brother again soon? Seems like his brother is supportive, at least when Nick was nine.


	20. Chapter 20

FF_1/25/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_**That was the last time he'd seen his brother.**_

There were tears sliding down Nick's face as his hands slowly began to shake, his nightmare looping back to when he spilled the feed. This time Nick swore he heard Billy's voice.

Maria and Chris froze in shock when Nick pulled away from them with a moan of terror. They reached out to him again, but every touch, even their words seemed to terrify him even more. Neither Megan nor Dr. Jenkins had any more luck. Dr. Jenkins didn't want to sedate Nick again, but he was running out of options.

Suddenly there was a commotion outside Nick's ICU cubicle. Before anyone with Nick realized what was happening, a large man in some kind of military uniform with a handgun in his right hand slipped in. He gestured Chris to the other side of the bed before staring at Nick.

Chris's breath caught in his throat, wondering if the intruder was who he thought it was. He watched the intruder lay the gun on the bed next to Nick and they all wondered what would happen next. Brass, Vega and Vartann burst in, guns trained on the intruder, ordering him to halt.

He turned to face them saying casually, "Your response time is way too slow. I could have killed Nick six times since I got here if I wanted." He looked back at Nick, taking in his terror and severely trembling hands. Before anyone could react, he gently slipped his hands underneath Nick's, cupping them and holding them steady. The others were frozen in shock when the terror drained from Nick's face.

"Nick," the stranger spoke quietly but firmly. "Nick, you need to wake up before they haul me off to jail."

Brass and the doctors exchanged shocked glances when Nick's eyelids began to flicker, then finally opened. He blinked several times, taking in the detectives' drawn guns as well as the smile on the face of the man facing the guns.

Nick groaned, but turned his hands over, squeezing the hands supporting his. He looked down at his bed noting the gun, before looking back at the man next to him. He groaned again. "Tell me you didn't just barge in here with a drawn gun to test the security around me."

The man squeezed his hands back, released him, shrugged and said, "Ok," in a very insincere tone.

"God, Billy," Nick groaned again, "you're gonna get y'self killed.

Billy shrugged. "You didn't have me on the visitor's list."

"Because you're _supposed_ to be in _Afghanistan_." Nick looked at the detectives who hadn't relaxed their weapons. "This is my brother Billy. He's a good guy, even if he's an ass at the same time. Billy was a Navy SEAL before he became a lawyer for the JAG corp and obviously he's still insane." Billy grinned at him. "Why are you here? How are you even here?"

Billy became serious. "I saw it on the news. My assignment was just about done, so my boss gave me leave to come here."

"You coulda just called, ya know," Nick grumbled.

Billy just looked at him. "Bad nightmare?" he asked softly.

Nick flinched and his hands started shaking again. Again, Billy reached out and cupped Nick's hands from below. Nick quickly turned his hands over and squeezed his brother's hands again. "Just relivin' the last time I saw ya," he whispered, meeting his brother's eyes for just a moment. Billy flinched at the guilt he saw there. Nick closed his eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry, Billy. God, I'm so sorry."

Billy picked up his gun by the barrel and handed it to Brass before sitting on the edge of Nick's bed. He noted that the other two detectives were gone before speaking to his brother. "Listen to me, Nick. It is _not_ your fault!"

"How can it _not_ be my fault?" Nick couldn't stop the tears falling down his face. "He ruined your life because of me."

"Hey, bro, I like my life," Billy gently brushed Nick's tears away. His own eyes teared-up as he whispered, "Besides, if anyone owes anyone an apology… I'm sorry I couldn't protect you."

"Stop it Billy. You lost everything tryin' to protect me. You did everything you could." Nick stared at his brother's face. "Ah, Billy, where'd ya get the bruise on your jaw?"

Billy's jaw tensed and he looked away from Nick. "You won't like this…" he let his voice trail off.

Nick sighed. "Don't tell me you stopped in Dallas on your way."

Billy didn't respond or look at Nick.

"Damn it Billy, what were ya thinkin'?"

"I was thinkin' it was about time I saw my brother again. Twenty-seven years is too long! I don't care about e-mails or phone calls – I wanted to see you! Hell, the last time I was unavailable for a month after ya nearly died. I wasn't gonna listen to ya tell me it was no big deal and I didn't need to come!"

"I was thinkin' that it's about time I took control of my life and stopped lettin' that asshole have any piece of me! I was thinkin' it's time to stop bein' afraid of him!"

"So why'd he hit ya?" Nick asked dryly. "Since you obviously had so much he wanted to hear."

Billy grinned. "I think it was me sayin' I'd pick you over him every chance I had that was the last straw." He smirked at the memory. "And don't worry, I didn't hit him back."

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A/N: Hope you're all still liking! Still got more twists and turns to go! :)


	21. Chapter 21

FF_1/25/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: More nightmares. Sorry, the happy chapters will come - just not now.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_He smirked at the memory. "And don't worry, I didn't hit him back."_

Nick's eyes fluttered, his injuries catching up with him. "'S good," he slurred. "Sorry Billy, so sorry." His eyes closed as he fell back to sleep.

Billy's face twisted in pain as he murmured, "That f—kin' asshole. I'll never forgive him for what he did to Nick." He gently slid his hand under Nick's shaking left hand. He slumped into the seat next to Nick's bed. Looking across at Maria, he gestured toward Nick's other hand.

"You must be Maria," he forced a smile.

Maria smiled and nodded as she slid her hand under Nick's right. "Sorry to be meeting under these circumstances," she murmured, her attention on Nick.

Billy nodded. "Hey, Chris," he said. "It's good to see ya cuz."

"You too, Billy." Chris said. "I'll let you sit with him. I'll be in the Waiting Room."

"Let us know when he wakes again," Brass said gruffly. "Stay outta trouble," he growled at Billy.

Billy choked on a laugh and said, "You got it, boss."

Brass and Chris walked into the Waiting Room. Ashley and Calleigh rushed to Chris's side.

"Is it really Billy?" Ashley asked, grabbing Chris's arm.

"Yeah," Chris replied. "He scared the crap out of us, though." He looked at Ashley. "Did you know Nick and he kept in touch?"

"No," Ashley replied. "Nick has refused to talk about Billy since… since Billy left college."

"There's more to that story than anyone's heard," Calleigh said quietly. "Nick let it slip one time that he felt responsible for what happened to Billy. He clammed up when I asked him about it, though."

"I've _never_ heard him talk about Billy," Chris said. "If I brought him up, Nick changed the subject."

Calleigh looked around. "Ash and I will go get dinner. What does anyone want?"

Sara quietly offered to go with them. As they stood waiting for their order in the Chinese restaurant, Calleigh nudged Sara's shoulder.

"Didn't we just see that guy in the ICU Waiting Room?" She nodded her head at a young man being seated.

As Sara looked over, the young man seemed to catch sight of them. He smiled and nodded, like you do to someone you've seen several places but never met.

"He probably has someone in ICU," Ashley said. "This is the closest Chinese place to the hospital."

"Y'all're right," Calleigh sighed as she nodded back. "I'm probably being paranoid."

The rest of the excursion went without incident and the three women returned to the hospital with the food.

_**Nick stared fearfully at his father. He'd gathered the whole family for a 'talk'. Nick was sure this couldn't be good.**_

_**It'd been two days since the incidents in the barn with Billy and his father. Nick was scared because he hadn't heard anything from his older brother. Billy always called when he got back to college.**_

"_**Your brother's in trouble," Judge Stokes began. "He was stopped on his way back to school. The police found drugs in his car." He stared straight at Nick.**_

_**Nick paled and swallowed hard. All he could think was that Billy didn't do drugs. He knew that and judging from his father's stare, he knew that too. This had to do with him, with Billy trying to help **__**him**__**.**_

"_**Because the judge knows me, knows our family, Billy has a choice. He can either go into the military with no record or he can go to jail. Billy's chosen to join the Navy." The Judge watched Nick carefully. Their eyes met and held for a moment. Nick knew that now he was on his own. He fought the tears and guilt back. He had to be strong.**_

_**Nick headed for the barn when the Judge dismissed them to do their chores. He wasn't surprised when his father followed him there. He held in his cry of pain when his father grabbed his arm roughly. He shook him, then jerked him close.**_

"_**Are you happy now?" The Judge shook him again. Nick wanted to cry out from the pain in his arm where his father held it in an iron grip. But he knew it would do no good and might actually enrage him more. "You ruined your brother's life. Now he has no chance at college. All his dreams are gone because of you. And there's no way you can make it up to him. As a matter of fact, you won't even get to see him. He'll spend his leaves on base until further notice." Another shake and the Judge released him so he fell into the stall door. "So are you happy?"**_

_**Nick shook his head no. He lay where he'd fallen, running his hand over his sore arm and watching his father warily.**_

_**Nick resignedly leaned forward and pulled his shirt up when he saw his father unbuckle his belt. He made no sound as he was struck ten quick strikes.**_

_**After his father left, Nick forced himself to work quickly on the stalls. When his hands started shaking badly, he closed his eyes and remembered his brother's hands supporting his. It didn't make the shakes go away, but it did calm them drastically.**_

_**Nick held himself together through dinner, knowing that any reaction from him could set his father off again. So he choked down as much as he could and left as soon as he thought he could get away with. He didn't dare be the first one to leave, but after Ashley and Lynn left, it was safe.**_

_**Nick made his way to his room and closed the door. He didn't know how he felt as he sat on his bed. The grief he felt at the loss of his brother warred with the guilt flooding him at being the cause.**_

_**Tears filled his eyes as he thought of what Billy was going to be going through. He whispered out loud, "I'm sorry Billy. I'm so sorry," over and over, rocking himself on his bed, knees to his chest.**_

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A/N: Reviews please! :)


	22. Chapter 22

FF_1/30/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: A _little_ less angst here. Not out of the woods yet, though!

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_**Tears filled his eyes as he thought of what Billy was going to be going through. He whispered out loud, "I'm sorry Billy. I'm so sorry," over and over, rocking himself on his bed, knees to his chest.**_

Maria watched the pain on Billy's face as they listened to Nick whisper his apology to Billy over and over. Billy started when she laid her hand over his. "It's not your fault," she murmured. "Nick's nightmares aren't your fault any more than whatever Nick's apologizing for is his fault."

"I _know_ that, but I still feel guilty that I couldn't protect my brother," Billy responded. "He was only ten the last time I saw him. Dad made sure we didn't see each other while Nick was still at home." He squeezed Nick's hand again.

"Hey, take it easy on the injured guy," Nick whispered.

"Hey bro," Billy's smile was bright. "Welcome back to the land of the living." He shifted nervously.

"What is it?" Nick asked.

"You won't like it," Billy said. Nick just gave him a look. Billy pulled a water bottle in a plastic bag out of his pocket. "I thought…" Billy hesitated. "I thought it was time to find out why he hates you." He waited for Nick to explode.

Nick stared at the water bottle. Maybe Billy was right, maybe that bottle held the answer to why his father had treated him like he had. He quietly asked Maria for the phone and dialed Greg.

"Yo, Greggo," he said, "can you come in here and bring a couple of swabs? Thanks, man." Nick hung up and dialed another number.

"Hey, Wendy, it's Nick," he began. "Yeah, I'm doin' better, thanks. I, uh, I need to cash in a couple favors. Greg's gonna bring in a couple swabs and a water bottle. I need you to compare all of 'em against my DNA. Look for familial matches. If… if you don't find a match, run my DNA through all the databases looking for any familial matches. Yeah, thanks Wendy. Just get back with me personally, would ya? Thanks, again." Nick hung up the phone.

He looked up and saw Greg in the opening. "Hey, Greg," his voice was getting hoarse.

"What'cha need, Nick?" Greg asked.

"I need ya to get swabs from Billy and Ashley. Take them and the water bottle Billy has to Wendy. She knows what to do with 'em." Nick closed his eyes for a moment. God, he was exhausted. He looked up and met Greg's eyes. "Thanks, Greg."

"No prob, man," Greg said. He swabbed Billy's cheek, took the water bottle and left.

Ten minutes later, Billy walked into the Waiting Room. Both Ashley and Calleigh came over and gave him hugs.

"What's goin' on?" Brass demanded.

"Dr. Jenkins came in. They're takin' him for an MRI. If everythin' looks good, they'll move him to a Step-down Unit. He'll get his own room. And visitin' hours will be more flexible." Billy sighed and sat down.

He looked up as Conrad Ecklie walked into the Waiting Room. "Great, the spy's here."

All eyes shot to Billy, including Ecklie's. "Who are you and what are you talking about?" he demanded.

"Captain William Stokes, U.S. Navy, at your service," Billy smirked. "And we both know what I'm talkin' about, _spy_."

"Do you _know_ who I am?" Ecklie was outraged.

"Yeah, you're Conrad Ecklie of the LVPD Crime Lab. You've been Day Shift Supervisor, Assistant Lab Director, and you're bein' considered for Under Sheriff." Billy's voice was nonchalant and he never lost his smirk. "And you've been spyin' on my brother for my father ever since he got here."

Ecklie's face flushed bright red and he turned away toward Brass. "We need to get Nick's statement. You said he remembers everything." He deliberately ignored Billy and everyone else staring at him.

"We can't do anything until they're finished doing tests on Nick." It was Grissom who replied. "I'm curious about what Captain Stokes said about you spying on Nick."

"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer," Ecklie replied hotly.

"Methinks the spy doth protest too much," Billy smirked again.

"Stop calling me that!" Ecklie burst out.

"Just callin' 'em like I see 'em," Billy didn't relent.

"I hope I didn't miss the interview," Lieutenant Casey moved into the open doorway.

"No, Nick's having tests done," Brass replied.

An hour and a half later, Dr. Jenkins came into the Waiting Room. "Can we talk?" he asked Brass.

"About Nick?" Brass asked. When Dr. Jenkins nodded, Brass said, "Everyone in this room will eventually hear this anyway, so you may as well just tell me here."

"Ok, well the MRI results are very encouraging. Quite a bit of the swelling has gone down, and we're not seeing any areas of damage at this time. Of course, the brain is still a mystery to us in a lot of ways, so we'll continue to monitor Nick until we're sure everything's healed. As for Nick's broken legs, they'll need to be set surgically. We'll monitor Nick's condition and do the surgery either tomorrow or the following day. Now, do you have any questions?"

"What about his memory?" Ecklie asked.

"From what Dr. O'Rourke and I can tell, Nick's memory has returned in full. As a matter of fact, he seems to have regained even those memories we tend to push away, whether because they're painful, embarrassing, or even just unimportant." Dr. Jenkins replied.

"Doctor, is he well enough to discuss what happened to him?" Lt. Casey asked anxiously.

"I think so, yes," Dr. Jenkins replied. "Although painful, those aren't the worst of what he's remembered – not by a long shot. Drs. Santiago and O'Rourke will be with him and they'll stop the interview if it becomes detrimental to Nick's health." Dr. Jenkins met Brass's eyes. "I do ask that you wait until he's in his new room and settled."

Brass nodded. He gathered Grissom, Ecklie, and Lt. Casey together to prepare for the interview. When Vartann gave Brass a beseeching look, he gestured him over as well. Then Ecklie objected when Billy joined them.

"I'm Nick's lawyer," Billy pointed out calmly. "Nick's allowed legal counsel during this interview." He smiled with satisfaction at the look of frustration Ecklie shot at him.

* * *

A/N: Let me know what you think! :)


	23. Chapter 23

FF_1/30/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI

A/N: A little information, but not all of it! :)

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_I'm Nick's lawyer," Billy pointed out calmly. "Nick's allowed legal counsel during this interview." He smiled with satisfaction at the look of frustration Ecklie shot at him._

"Nick," Maria said quietly. "Wendy called while you were having your MRI. She said she needed to see you. I gave her your new room number."

"Thanks, Maria," Nick smiled at her as she walked beside the bed they were using to transport him to his new room. He waited patiently as they transferred him to his new bed, rearranged all his wires and tubes and connected everything that needed to be connected.

Maria kissed his forehead and whispered, "I'll get Wendy and make sure you're not disturbed."

Nick saw Wendy's anxious expression and knew he wasn't going to like what she had to say. "Wendy, first I just wanted to say I appreciate what you did and that you're bringin' the results directly to me." He tried to put her at ease with a smile.

It didn't really work. Oh, she smiled back, but it was a nervous, ill-at-ease smile. "You know I'd help you any time you ask," she responded. "Now, I… I really don't know how to do this. So I'll just say it. The water bottle I labeled sample J. Ashley is sample A and Billy is sample B." She handed Nick some papers. "As you can see both samples A and B are related to J, paternal relationship. However," Wendy gave him another paper. "None of those samples have any DNA in common with yours. I checked it three times." Wendy had tears in her eyes. "You're not related to either Ashley or Billy or their parents. They do share the same parents."

Nick felt numb. He'd been through so much in the past three days. Now he didn't even have his brother or sister anymore. He looked up at Wendy, his eyes glazed with pain. "Th-Thanks, Wendy," he whispered.

"I… I do have more news," Wendy said, tentatively.

Nick looked up at her. "What is it?" he whispered.

"You said to run your DNA through all the databases if I didn't get a match." Nick nodded. Wendy continued. "I started running it through CODIS, but since I was already in the Compliance database, I ran it through there first." She met Nick's eyes. "I got a match. It looks like a paternal match." She handed Nick a piece of paper.

Nick stared at the results. "Are… are you sure about this?" He looked back at Wendy, shocked.

"Yeah, I checked these results three times, too," Wendy said. "I'm still running it to see if I can get any other matches."

"Thanks, Wendy. Listen, can ya keep this to yourself for now?"

"You bet, Nick," Wendy gently laid her hand on his shoulder then left.

Outside Nick's room, Maria was sitting next to the uniformed officer. They were chatting quietly when Brass and the others arrived.

"Captain Brass," Maria stood.

"Jim," Brass corrected gently.

"Jim," Maria nodded, "Nick has a visitor right now. He's asked not to be disturbed. It shouldn't take too long if you want to wait." She gestured toward some chairs against the wall.

"Thanks," Brass moved to a chair and sat. Most of the others did so as well. Ecklie stood in the middle of the hall, staring at Nick's door. Brass and Billy moved up behind him when they saw the door start to move. They exchanged glances when they saw Wendy coming from Nick's room. Billy had told Brass what he'd started while they waited for Nick to have his tests.

They both saw Nick's shell-shocked expression before the door closed behind Wendy. Brass held up a hand as Billy began to move forward. "I'll get it," he said quietly. "Nick's under enough pressure right now." Billy nodded and let Brass enter the hospital room without him.

Billy stopped Ecklie from following Brass. "He needs a minute; let's give him a few minutes." This interaction allowed Wendy to slip away unnoticed.

Brass made his way to Nick's bedside. "Nick," he said quietly, "do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not right now," Nick whispered. Tears began to fall down his face. Brass pulled Nick into an awkward hug, sitting on the bed. He let Nick hide his face in his shoulder. He patted Nick's shoulder gently.

"Ya know kid, there's somethin' I been meanin' to tell ya for a couple of years now." He paused for a moment gauging whether Nick was listening. When he heard a muffled, "Yeah," he continued. "I've always thought of ya like a son, Nick. I hope ya realize you'll always be a part of my family. Whatever ya need, kid, I'll be here." When he felt Nick's body start shaking again, he gently resumed patting Nick's back until he was still again.

Nick raised his head and met Brass's eyes. "Thanks, Jim. That means a lot." He looked over at the door. "So who'all's out there?"

"Grissom and Ecklie, Vartann, your brother, and Lt. Casey," Brass replied.

"Billy?" questioned Nick.

Brass grinned. "He says he's your legal counsel for the interview. I think he's just enjoyin' tweakin' Ecklie. Calls him a spy."

"Billy's apparently in to confrontation, these days," Nick groused. "I told him I could handle Ecklie."

"So it's true?" Brass raised his eyebrows. "Ecklie's been spyin' on you for your father?"

"Yeah," Nick sighed. "I found that out after my kidnappin'." He stared at the door again. "Well, let's get this done."

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how I'm doing! I hope you're enjoying this.


	24. Chapter 24

FF_1/30/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: Back to the case - for a while.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_He stared at the door again. "Well, let's get this done."_

Brass moved to the door. The group outside had been joined by Dr. O'Rourke. He silently invited them in by holding open the door and gesturing with his arm.

Maria moved directly to Nick's bedside and sat in the chair there. Brass helped the others move chairs into the room. He saw Nick looking at Lt. Casey in confusion. "Nick Stokes… Lt. Robert Casey," Brass introduced.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Mr. Stokes," Casey said.

Nick frowned even more. "That's not…" Suddenly every bit of color drained from his face. "He was one of them. Oh my God, he was one of them." He closed his eyes and held tightly to Maria's hand.

Brass and Billy exchanged glances. Billy moved to Nick's other side. "Nick," he said gently, laying his hand over his brother's, "Nick, do you want to postpone this?"

"No," Nick whispered. "No, just give me a minute." Billy sat down next to the bed when Nick turned his hand over and grabbed on to his hand. Nick took several deep breaths, keeping his eyes closed. Then he opened them and found Brass's gaze. "Ok," he said.

"I'm gonna tape this, just so we don't miss anything, ok?" Brass asked. When Nick nodded, he started the tape. He quickly listed the date, time, case number and participants. Then he said, "Whenever you're ready, Nick."

"I was on scene at a B & E on Emerson when I got the call from Grissom. It was about 12:35. Since Gris said that Detective Vartann requested me, I had the officers secure my evidence and I headed to the new scene. I arrived there about 12:45. Officer Tucker was there alone, so I called Alex to find out why he requested me." Nick paused for a moment and asked Maria for a drink of water.

"When Alex said he hadn't requested me, I figured it was just a miscommunication. I told Alex I'd process since I was already there. It was about five to one when I got off the phone. I began processing immediately. I started by takin' pictures of the body. I crouched down to take some close-ups. When I was finished, I stood up to stretch my back." Nick paused again, taking a few deep breaths, trying to stay calm.

"That's when they struck. One second I was stretchin', the next I was surrounded by three guys. They were dressed in black and had masks on. Two of them grabbed my arms. I heard Tuck yell and looked over. He had two guys on him, dressed the same way. That's when I figured out where they'd come from."

"So the scene hadn't been secured," Ecklie said, smirking at Vartann.

"The scene was secured when I left," Vartann snapped.

"Give it up. You screwed up and you know it," Ecklie snapped back.

"Hey!" Billy broke in. "Y'all wanna let the guy who _knows_ what happened tell the story?"

"Sorry Nick," Vartann said, embarrassed.

Ecklie just kept smirking, his nasty smile widening when Vartann glared at him.

Nick took another drink and then continued. "When I looked over at Tuck, I saw the ropes hangin' from the ceilin'." Ecklie's smirk disappeared when he realized what Nick was saying. Now Vartann was the one smirking and Ecklie glaring. Vartann lost his smirk at Nick's next words.

"I couldn't focus on the ropes. The two guys had pushed Tuck to his knees. One pulled Tuck's gun while the other put his gun to the back of Tuck's head. I yelled at them to stop, to leave him alone, but they just grinned at me. Tuck lifted his head, looked at me and said, 'Sorry, Nick.' I didn't get the chance to say anythin' before the gunman pulled the trigger." Silence blanketed the room, grief filling the faces of those who'd known Michael Tucker.

"I fought the guys' holdin' my arms but I couldn't get free. They took my gun and tied my wrists and ankles together. They threw me on the ground and kicked me for a while." Nick paused, breathing heavily. He pulled his hand from Billy and rubbed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was fighting to push the fear away and keep his composure. There was silence in the room while Nick calmed himself.

After of few moments of tense silence, Ecklie opened his mouth to prod Nick to continue. Before anything came out, Brass spoke, "Shut up, Ecklie."

Nick opened his eyes and a small grin appeared on his face when he met Brass's eyes. "Thanks, Jim" he said hoarsely.

Nick took another deep breath before continuing. "While they were kickin' me I tried to curl up, protect my stomach and head. I'm not sure how long they kicked me. They made sure I didn't pass out, though. Every time I started to, they threw water in my face. When they finally stopped, one of them grabbed my wrists and stretched them above my head, while another pulled my feet down. I fought…" Nick's voice broke and he stopped for a moment.

"As hard as I fought, I couldn't get free. A third guy grabbed my right arm and held it down. Another came up with a needle. I fought harder when I saw that. I managed to dislodge the guy holdin' my feet and kicked him away from me. Once my feet were free, I tried to twist my arms and body away from the other two men. But I couldn't get them off me." Nick took another minute to calm down. All the emotions were coming back with the memories: the fear, the pain – Nick struggled to control them.

Finally he resumed. "Once he injected me, the guy waved the others off. He pulled up a chair and sat there watchin' me, waitin' for whatever he'd given me to take effect. It didn't take long. I was tryin' to sit up, but I never made it. They all laughed when I collapsed back to the floor. I couldn't… I couldn't move. The guy who injected me…" Nick paused, thinking. Should he tell them now?

He looked at Brass and the others. His eyes met Megan's for a minute. He quietly drew strength from the support in her eyes.

"The guy who injected me was the one who introduced himself as Lt. Casey when I was still trapped," he said quietly.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how I'm doing. :)


	25. Chapter 25

FF_2/2/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: Still more of the case! Don't worry, we'll learn more about what Nick found out from Wendy later.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_The guy who injected me was the one who introduced himself as Lt. Casey when I was still trapped," he said quietly._

He saw the rage in Brass and Vartann's faces. Grissom, of course, showed nothing, though his eyes narrowed. Ecklie froze, his mouth open in shock, while Lt. Casey's face moved from confusion, through anger, to determination. Nick ignored Billy's curse and continued.

"He seemed to be the leader. He kicked me a few times and when I didn't react, he grinned. Got off the chair and sat on my stomach. He said, 'You're probably wonderin' why we're throwin' ya this party. Well, ya got some old friends who wanna make sure ya don't forget 'em.' He laughed, then said, 'They want your last moments to be spent tryin' to figure out who they are and scared out of your mind about what'll happen to ya.' He laughed again. Then he pulled out a knife and cut the ropes holdin' my wrists and ankles together."

Brass watched Nick's face while he described the horror he'd lived through. He looked at Billy just as Billy looked down and his and Nick's clasped hands. Brass winced as he saw how hard Nick was clinging to Billy. Then Billy looked up at Brass and Brass saw his rage at what Nick had suffered echoed in Billy's eyes.

Even tough they'd had some idea of what Nick'd suffered, listening to Nick describe it was making Alex Vartann nauseous. He couldn't help feeling responsible somehow. The guilt made him hang his head.

Grissom's face was impassive but inside he couldn't stop his thoughts from whirling. Why was it always Nick when things like this happened? True, they'd all been targeted at one time or another, but no one as much as Nick.

Ecklie was uncomfortable. He didn't want to listen as much as Nick didn't want to tell this story. But, it was his job. And Nick was still his responsibility in more than one way. He still made calls to Dallas, just not routinely. He wasn't looking forward to his next call.

Robert Casey looked at the man lying in the hospital bed. He didn't feel the rage that Brass and Billy did because he didn't know Nick Stokes personally. But he did feel anger… anger and determination. He wasn't going to let anyone get away with thinking they could do something like this to LVPD and get away with it. His eyes focused brighter on the man in the bed. He'd read his file. He was surprised at the respect he felt toward the other. It was hard to earn his respect. But just watching him deal with the most recent horrors in his life showed Casey what kind of man he was. Nick Stokes was reacting with emotion, yes, but also with grace and poise. And Casey couldn't help but respect him for it.

Megan O'Rourke took her time checking the reactions of the others to Nick's story. They were all so caught up in their own thoughts, they hadn't realized Nick had stopped speaking for a moment. Her gaze moved back to Nick. His eyes were closed and his cheek was pressed to Maria's hand. As she watched, he took a deep breath, opened his eyes and looked directly at her. She smiled encouragingly at him, then moved her gaze around the room again. Megan saw him smile as he took in the others' self-absorbed looks.

Nick's smile faded when he saw the guilt on Alex Vartann's face. He spoke quietly. "Alex," he waited until Vartann looked at him. He could see the reluctance to face him. "Alex, it's not your fault. If you'd been there, you'd be dead right now, too."

"You don't know that," Vartann said. "Maybe I could have…"

"No," Nick said, firmly. "They had it all planned. They discussed how much easier it was since you got called away. They were prepared for you bein' there. They would have killed you. I'm _glad_ you weren't there. I need ya to help find out who they were and get 'em for me."

Finally Vartann nodded. "I won't let it rest," he said hoarsely. Nick nodded.

He took a deep breath. This was just going to get harder. He hated being a victim. As Nick cast his gaze around the room again, reluctant to resume, Megan caught his eye. He could hear her lecture inside his head – telling him he wasn't a victim but a survivor. His lips twisted and he twitched an eyebrow at her. She smirked back at him.

Finally, he resumed. "Even tough he'd cut me free, I still couldn't move. They pulled my shirt off. At first all they did was admire the bruises they'd given me. Then the leader picked up his knife again. He sat on my hips and made the first cut on my right arm. One of the others pulled open the cut and poured salt in it. I screamed. I couldn't stop it. I fought to move, to struggle, hell even to scream again, but I couldn't. They continued, the leader cutting and the others takin' turns with the salt. They enjoyed my… my screams. I don't know how long it went on, but I'd lost my voice before they were done." Nick stopped again and turned his head toward Maria. She gently wiped away the tears trickling down his cheeks.

"At least I thought they were done. And then I felt… I felt my hand twitch. Whatever they'd given me was wearin' off. I didn't think they noticed, but it didn't matter." He paused again.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed. It's easier to write knowing y'all are appreciating in!


	26. Chapter 26

FF_2/2/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: The end of the building collapse, but more surprises to come.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_At least I thought they were done. And then I felt… I felt my hand twitch. Whatever they'd given me was wearin' off. I didn't think they noticed, but it didn't matter." He paused again._

What do you mean, Nick? Why didn't it matter?" It was Grissom who asked the first question.

"They were watchin' the time. The leader just said it was time for another dose and one of the others handed him another syringe. He injected me again and that was that." Nick held back the tears. He was struggling to fight back the feelings of helplessness he'd felt.

"He hit me a few times, cut me some more. I… I was tryin' to… to keep my mind off the pain. I could hear the others talkin' in the background. They were arguin' about an e-mail. One of 'em said the guy sendin' it had proved himself with the text message. The guy he was arguin' with said that the file was the most important thing. The whole plan would fail if the file didn't work." Nick looked up. He could tell what he'd said made more sense to the others than to him right now.

"Nick, do you know what the program was for?" Again it was Grissom who asked.

"Yean," Nick paused for a long moment, his eyes closed.

"Nick?" Billy asked gently.

Nick opened his eyes. He looked straight at Billy when he said, "The program was to simultaneously set off all twelve detonators."

"Are you sure there were twelve? We only found remnants of eight." Ecklie asked anxiously.

"Yeah," Nick said, "I'm sure there were twelve."

"How can you be sure?" Ecklie argued. "If they just told you…"

"Shut up," Nick exploded. "I know there were twelve because they made sure I saw each and every one of them, ok? They wanted me to know I had no hope. So they made sure I saw them all includin' the one right above me with the countdown on it." There was silence in the room while Nick pulled his hand free from Billy and moved it over his eyes. He was shaking and trying hard not to completely lose it.

Megan let the silence settle for a few minutes. Then she moved up next to Nick. When Billy started to get up so she could have his seat, Megan put her hand on his shoulder, holding him in place. She put her other hand on Nick's arm gently.

"Nick?" she questioned quietly.

Nick just shook his head without speaking. He was still trying to fight back the pain and terror. Nick struggled to think past it. He slowly moved his arm from his face. He made no effort to wipe the traces of tears from his cheeks.

"Does anyone have a pad I can borrow?" he asked hoarsely.

Vartann silently handed Nick his pad and pen. Nick quickly sketched on the pad. When he was done, he turned it around. It was a sketch of the crime scene. He spoke quickly and unemotionally. "This is where the body was." He pointed to another symbol. "This is where they shot Tuck." His hand shook a little when he pointed to the next symbol, but Nick ignored it. "Here's where I was." He finally pointed to a symbol that was repeated a dozen times. "These indicate where the detonators were located."

The others stared at the diagram. "Damn, man!" Vartann exclaimed. "How the hell did you survive?"

"Was Archie able to trace the text message?" Nick ignored Vartann's question for the moment.

"Yes," Grissom replied. Ecklie shot him a look, but Grissom ignored it. "He traced it to the new North LV Correctional Facility, cell block fifty-two."

Nick stared at him. What he said next shocked most everyone in the room. "So Nigel Crane altered the text message and sent them the file for the detonators." Nick sighed and looked at Vartann. "I guess that answers your question."

"How?" Vartann spoke before anyone else. Grissom closed his mouth to listen to Nick's answer.

"The _only_ way I'm alive is because the program didn't work the way they wanted. The outside detonators had to go off first. But, since they were monitorin' what happened, the timin' had to be split-second." Nick flinched at the questions shot his way.

"They were monitoring what happened? How?" Brass demanded.

"How do you know what cell block Nigel Crane is in?" Grissom was angry. He had a feeling he wouldn't like the answer.

Nick figured it would be easier to answer Brass first. "They had some kind of recorder there. They never told me where it was, just that it was there. Apparently my so-called old friends wanted to _see_ me die. They didn't want just a play-by-play. It must not have been destroyed in the collapse, though."

"How do you know that?" Ecklie asked.

"Because how else would the impostor know it was safe to show up?" Nick said.

The group thought about that for a few minutes. Then Ecklie muttered, "I'll tell my CSIs to look for it in the building."

"Nick," Nick met Grissom's intense gaze. "I'm still waiting for an answer."

* * *

A/N: Hm. How does Nick know what cell block Nigel Crane is in? :) Guess you'll have to wait and see.


	27. Chapter 27

FF_2/3/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_Nick," Nick met Grissom's intense gaze. "I'm still waiting for an answer."_

Nick sighed. He looked away from Grissom and met Megan's eyes. Before she could say anything, Nick shook his head. He looked back at Grissom. "You won't like it," he said bluntly.

"Somehow I knew that," Grissom muttered under his breath. What he said aloud was, "What is it?"

"About two years after Nigel was convicted, I happened to be at the prison to question a prisoner on a case. When they were guidin' me in, the guard made a wrong turn. Before we could get back on track, we heard about a stand-off with a prisoner. The guard felt it was his duty to see what was goin' on since we were very close. He insisted I go with him. Imagine my surprise when I found the prisoner in question was Nigel Crane." Nick paused and got a drink.

"Nigel Crane was involved in a stand-off with prison guards?" Brass knew Nick wouldn't lie about this, but he found it hard to believe.

"Apparently he'd been getting' more violent and unpredictable as time went on. Then a new inmate got him agitated." Nick replied.

"How did he do that?" Grissom asked.

Nick sighed again. He really didn't want to answer this. But he knew Grissom wouldn't let it go. So he replied to Grissom's question. "He was a new inmate…"

"You already said that," Ecklie snapped.

Nick just rolled his eyes and continued. "The other inmates tried to warn him to shut-up but he wouldn't listen. He just kept goin' on and on." Nick paused.

"About what?" Grissom asked almost gently

Nick met his gaze. "About how he was gonna get the asshole who put him there, one CSI named Nick Stokes."

Brass swore. So did Billy. Vartann looked at Nick wide-eyed. Ecklie looked disgusted. Casey looked confused.

Grissom continued with another gentle question. "What did Nigel do?"

"He stabbed him in the eye with a spoon." Nick said quietly.

"He made a shiv out of a spoon?" Casey asked.

"No," Nick replied, "no shiv. He just jammed the handle of a spoon in the guy's eye. He jammed it in so far and with enough force that it penetrated the guy's brain. Then he pulled it out and threatened the guards with it."

The others were staring at Nick in shock.

"Let me get this straight. Nigel Crane killed a guy with a spoon because he threatened you?" Ecklie asked.

"Well, actually the guy didn't die. He's in a persistent vegetative state. But yeah, Nigel attacked the guy because he threatened me." Nick replied.

"What happened when he saw you?" Grissom asked. He couldn't imagine what must have been going through Nick's mind in that situation.

"He uh… he uh said, 'Nick, you came,' and handed me the spoon. Apparently he'd been askin' for me. He was so glad to see me he didn't realize there was no way I came because he asked for me. Once he no longer held the spoon, the guards took control of him and he let them. They took him off, I gave the spoon to the CSI who responded and I went back to what I'd been doin'. Funny thing is, Nigel became calm and quiet again." Nick looked down at his lap.

"You didn't report it?" Ecklie asked.

"Report what? That an inmate surrendered a weapon to me? The CSI that took it in to custody knew that. I was under no obligation to report what happened." Nick replied.

"So how does this relate to why you know Nigel Crane's cell block?" Grissom asked.

"Well, about nine months later, the Warden called me. Nigel was getting' violent and agitated again. He wanted me to visit him. I refused. He asked me to talk to Nigel's psychiatrist before refusin'. So Megan and I visited the doctor. Megan was concerned about furtherin' Nigel's obsession with me if he saw me again. She wasn't happy about what'd happened before." Nick sank back against his pillows. He was getting tired.

"What happened?" Brass prodded.

"Nigel's psychiatrist didn't feel that there was any chance of furthering Nigel's obsession," it was Megan who applied.

"Why not?" Grissom asked.

"Because there was no possible way Nigel could get any _more_ obsessed with Nick in any of his doctors' opinions. They all believe that if he ever gets out, Nick is the first item on his agenda. They actually feel that Nick would be safer with Nigel less agitated." Megan continued to speak. "His doctors felt then and still feel today that if Nigel gets too frustrated with Nick he'll plan and attempt an escape. If he ever does get out, Nick's life is definitely in danger."

"So what's the solution?" Nick winced. Grissom's tone was cold and disapproving.

"Basically I go to the prison once a year. I let Nigel see me there. I don't look at or acknowledge him in any way. It's been keepin' him calm and quiet for five years." Nick said quietly. He continued before Grissom could speak again. "Since that _is_ something that needs to be approved, the Sheriff was contacted and he gave his approval."

"You deliberately went around me," Grissom said quietly.

"Yeah," Nick met his eyes. There was no apology in that look.

"Except now, Crane tried to kill you from prison," Ecklie said.

* * *

A/N: I don't know, is this another cliff hanger? I didn't think the last one was, actually. But if it was, then this could be considered one too, I guess. If so, I'm sorry - kinda. I'll get back with y'all soon! :)


	28. Chapter 28

FF_2/3/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_Except now, Crane tried to kill you from prison," Ecklie said._

"No," Nick replied. "Nigel doesn't want me dead. If he did, that program would have worked. I can tell you what Nigel'll say when he's interviewed."

"What?" Casey asked, curious. He didn't tell Nick he'd already interviewed Crane.

"He'll tell you that he'll answer anythin' you ask, _after_ he talks to me. If he doesn't get to talk to me, he won't tell anyone who's behind this." Nick said seriously.

"Damn, you're good," Casey breathed.

Nick's eyes met his. Nick realized that Casey had already interviewed Nigel.

"So if you know _Nigel_ so well, what does he want with you?" Grissom's voice was still cold.

Nick saw the anger on Megan's face. He shook his head no to her again, before answering Grissom's question. He'd always known Grissom would be disappointed in him when he found out what Nick'd agreed to. "He wants me to say that he saved my life." Nick met Grissom's gaze and saw the realization of the truth in his eyes. "He probably wants me to say thank you."

"I don't care what information he has, you're _not_ goin' to see him!" It was Billy who spoke. Everyone looked at him. His face was white and he was staring at Nick, shocked.

Nick flinched. He'd forgotten about Billy's reaction. Billy always seemed to know a little more than what Nick told him about his life, but obviously he hadn't known about Nick's visits to the prison.

"Ok, let's get a couple things straight. Number one, it's not your decision to make, bro." He stared hard at Billy, forgetting for a moment that he wasn't really his brother. The others watched the two of them with interest, wondering which Texan was more stubborn. Brass held his hand out to Vartann when Billy muttered an "ok," and looked away.

Nick looked up and grinned when Alex slapped a twenty in it with a muttered, "damn."

"Number two," Nick continued, "I'm not goin' anywhere for a while with two broken legs, especially since they haven't been set yet." Nick heard sighs of relief from most everyone around him. He grinned again when he saw the confusion on Lt. Casey's face. He spoke directly to him. "I've been know to, uh… skip out of the hospital when I felt it was appropriate."

Even Megan rolled her eyes at that one. But it was Billy who responded. "Let me see if I can quote this properly. 'You tend to show a total disregard for your own welfare when you feel somethin' more important is at stake.' Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what he said."

"That fits Nick to a T. Who said that?" Grissom asked.

Billy grinned. "My boss." He laughed at the confusion on everyone's face. "Yeah, well, he was talkin' about me at the time, but when the shoe fits…" he let his voice trail off.

Maria groaned dramatically. "Two of a kind. How will we survive?" She smiled at Nick.

Nick smiled back for a moment before he let it fade. "And last, but not least, I'll need to talk to Megan and Dr. Park, Nigel's doctor, before I make my decision about speakin' to him somehow."

There were several voices raised in protest at this last statement. Finally Brass took control. "All right, listen up. What do we have without Nigel Crane's information?"

"We know Nigel's probably involved," Nick said firmly.

"There were five attackers and they were following a plan of action given to them by someone else. They were probably getting paid." Grissom said quietly.

"Yeah," Nick agreed. He was thinking hard. There was something bothering him about the attackers. He remembered the leader's voice. He flinched as he remembered hearing it while he was trapped in the building. And yet, he could swear he'd heard it before. He just couldn't remember when.

"Nick?" It was Grissom who brought him out of his thoughts.

"Why?" Nick asked him.

"Why what?"

"Why did the impostor come around?" Nick asked. "I mean it was a risk, right? They couldn't know I wouldn't recognize him as soon as I heard his voice. So what was so important that they needed to take that risk?"

"They needed to find out why you were alive?" Vartann offered. "But why didn't they go after Crane?"

"Trust me," Nick said, "after the incident with the spoon and a few other irrational incidents through the years, no one is goin' up against Crane inside. But why didn't they look at the video feed?"

"Maybe they couldn't get to it," Ecklie said. "It's important to find that ASAP."

"The other thing I keep comin' back to," Nick said, "is that all their voices seem familiar. I know I've heard all of them before, but I couldn't tell you where. Judgin' by how much they were enjoyin' what they did to me, they coulda been from my past cases." He looked up at the others. "Ya know, one of those guys who wouldn't think of doin' somethin' on their own, but all too willin' to jump on the bandwagon when someone offers to pay."

"Now that's something else we can look into without talkin' to Crane," Brass said with satisfaction.

"Nick, were any of your attackers in the building female?" Grissom asked.

"No," Nick said. "I would have noticed that."

"Ok, we'll look into the nurse as well." Grissom looked at Nick. "You need to rest," he said sternly.

Nick didn't argue. He just closed his eyes. He knew he needed to deal with the whole family thing, but he just couldn't do it right now.

* * *

A/N: Please keep reviewing.


	29. Chapter 29

FF_2/5/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: So you want to know who the father is? Just read...

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_He knew he needed to deal with the whole family thing, but he just couldn't do it right now._

"Nick, do you want me to stay?" Billy asked, watching the others leave. When Nick didn't answer, he looked down and smiled when he saw his brother was already asleep. He started to slip his hand away, but Nick tightened his grip without waking.

"I guess that means he wants you to stay," Megan O'Rourke smiled at him before turning back to Nick. He was sleeping quietly now, but they both knew that probably wouldn't continue. Megan looked at her friend.

"Maria, why don't you go get something to eat and an hour's nap." Maria started to object but Megan cut in. "I'll stay with him. Billy and I will both be with him. If you want Aaron to let you stay, you're going to have to take care of yourself. Aaron has two rooms set aside – one for family to rest in and one for the officers not on duty. Go, we'll be fine." Maria finally left after giving Nick a soft kiss on the cheek and smoothing the hair on his forehead.

Two and a half hours later, Nick started whimpering in his sleep. Both Billy and Megan tried soothing the nightmare away, but Nick remained locked inside his dream. A half hour to forty-five minutes later, he screamed and jerked straight up. Nick fell back with a groan, his left arm cradling his sore ribs.

"Nick?" Megan asked quietly.

Nick sighed. "Just a nightmare about that damned buildin'." He looked at Megan and Billy's concerned faces. "It's gonna take a while for those to go away." Nick closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he asked, "Who'all's here?"

"I'm not sure," Billy replied. "I can go check."

"Thanks," was all Nick said.

When Billy got back, he said, "It looks like pretty much everyone is here: Maria, Brass, Grissom, Catherine, Greg, Sara, Chris, Ashley and Calleigh."

"Can you ask them to come in?" Nick asked. He needed to discuss Wendy's results with his family. Nick was still tired, but the rest had done him good. He waited patiently while everyone filed in. They all wanted to greet Nick, so the commotion outside wasn't noticeable until Brass, who was closest to the door, demanded quiet.

"Ma'am, you can't go in there," it was Officer Mitchell's voice.

But Nick recognized the next voice with a sinking feeling. "Young man, I don't care _who_ you are, but I _will_ see Nicholas, and I _will_ see him, _now_."

Nick's eyes met Billy's, then Ashley's. He knew they recognized the voice as well. "Let her in, Jim. She won't go away."

Brass opened the door and Jillian Stokes sailed in. She looked around the room and said. "I'm sorry, but I will speak with Nicholas, _alone_." She stood there and waited for everyone to leave.

Brass looked uncertainly at Nick. Nick nodded silently. If she wanted to speak with him alone, she wouldn't say anything until they all left. Nick had to reassure Megan that he'd be ok before she would leave. Billy and Ashley stood there nervously after everyone else had gone.

"Ashley, you should be home with your family. William, your father is expecting your apology." Jillian spoke disapprovingly. "Now, I said I wished to speak to Nicholas _alone_." She sternly dismissed them.

Billy started to say something, but Nick interrupted. "Billy, please, not now. I'll be fine, please go."

So they went. Nick looked at Jillian. "So what do I call you?" he asked quietly. He knew she was here because Ecklie'd told her about Wendy's tests.

"You don't need to call me anything," she said coldly. "After this, we will probably never speak again."

Nick stared at the woman he'd thought of as his mother all his life. "If you feel that way, why are you here?"

"I have a duty to do," Jillian spoke quietly. "After all, I _am_ responsible for you bein' here." She caught Nick's look. "Not here, as in here in this hospital, but here, as in here on this earth."

"How is that, since we have absolutely no relation to each other?" Nick asked, just as quietly.

"A year after Ashley was born, I wanted another baby. Bill refused. I'd had some difficulties with Ashley and Bill was adamant that he didn't want to go through that again. I was just as adamant that this was what I wanted; what I needed." Jillian paused. "I don't believe in affairs. So I hired a young woman to get pregnant and have a child for me. Her name was Linda Nadal."

"Where…" Nick's voice broke, "where is she now?"

"Dead," Jillian said baldly. "She died in a car accident two years after you were born."

Nick closed his eyes in pain.

"She got pregnant by a young man on Christmas Break at South Padre Island, his senior year of high school. James Brass was seventeen when you were conceived."

"He never knew?" Nick whispered.

Jillian shook her head. "If he knew, he might claim you. And I was determined to keep you. Bill and I argued when he found out what I'd done, but he wouldn't deny me. He agreed to adopt you and give you his name. He never bonded with you, though. He tolerated you for me."

"What about the other kids?" Nick asked.

"William was off at boarding school. Lynnette and Ashley were too young to understand. They never knew. We swore the other three to secrecy." Jillian replied.

Tears pooled in his eyes. "So if you wanted me so much, why did you let the Judge treat me like that?" Nick knew that Jillian knew the Judge had beaten him frequently.

"After I found out what Jack Webster did to you, I couldn't stand to be around you, to have you touch me. You made me nauseous. Bill reminded me that I had an obligation to you, so I fulfilled that obligation. Just like I fulfilled it when I encouraged you to go to Las Vegas. I knew your father was here. I've fulfilled my final duty to you by tellin' you the truth, so please don't try to contact me again."

Nick say it now, the disgust in her eyes. Nick barely realized she was leaving. He heard it echo in his mind, over and over, "… couldn't stand to be around you; to have you touch me… made me nauseous…" He'd made his mother sick. He _disgusted_ her.

* * *

A/N: I know I'm torturing poor Nick. But he's strong, he can take it. And he's had support almost the whole time. You'll hear that in later chapters.


	30. Chapter 30

FF_2/5/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_He'd made his mother sick. He __disgusted__ her._

Nick didn't hear the others file back in. He didn't see the concerned looks exchanged. Maria reached for his hand, but he pulled away from her touch.

"Don't touch me," he whispered and the voices continued in his head. Maria looked at Megan.

Billy breathed, "Oh, God, what did she _do_ to him?" as he moved quickly to the bed. He reached for Nick. Megan grabbed his wrist before he could touch him.

"Don't," she said firmly. She turned to Nick. "Nick?" she asked gently, making sure not to touch him. "Nick, what did your mother say to you?"

"My mother's dead," Nick whispered.

Everyone froze. Looks were exchanged. That wasn't what they expected.

"Nick?" Megan asked again, gently.

"I can't… I don't want…" Nick finally looked up. Megan flinched at the devastation in his eyes. "I just wanna sleep. Please, just help me sleep." He wrapped his arms around his ribs and rocked back and forth, eyes closed, tears leaking down his cheeks.

"Ok, Nick, ok," Megan tried to sooth him verbally as she reached for the phone. She kept her eyes on Nick while she ordered a sedative from the nurse. She flashed a warning glance at the others. By the time she got off the phone, Nick was whispering again.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry… I couldn't stop him… I'm sorry… Please… please don't hate me… I couldn't… Please… I'm sorry… Please don't hate me…"

"Nick… Nick, listen to me. Are you listening to me, Nick?" Megan's voice was soft. "No one hates you, Nick. Do you hear me? No one hates you. You didn't do anything wrong."

Nick suddenly stopped rocking. He looked straight at Megan and said, "I made her sick," calmly and clearly. Then he closed his eyes and refused to acknowledge anyone or anything.

Megan took the sedative the nurse brought in and injected it into Nick's IV port. "I think everyone should leave."

She was interrupted by Billy's curse. He was pressing on something in his ear. "Are you sure? Ok, where? Got it." Billy looked at Brass. "We have intruders. One of my guys just caught sight of the impostor and three others entering the hospital."

"How many guys ya got?" Brass asked, the emergency overriding his irritation at Billy not trusting his security.

"Twenty," Billy said. "Ten on, ten off."

All eyes shot to him. He ignored everyone but Brass.

Brass looked around the room. "Who's carrying?" he asked.

Catherine and Grissom indicated they were. Calleigh hesitantly raised her hand. But the shocker was Greg. He had adamantly refused to carry a handgun, even though it was part of the job as a CSI. Grissom and Catherine had been patient with him but it appeared that Nick's latest brush with death had changed his mind.

"You qualify?" Brass asked gruffly.

"Yeah," Greg answered, not insulted by the question. "Nick… Nick pretty much insisted that I did. He told me I didn't have to carry, but I needed to be able to handle a gun if necessary. So I actually qualified two months ago."

"Ok. Everyone stay in here. Lock the door. Don't unlock it unless Billy or I tell you to, no matter who it is." Brass and Billy prepared to leave. Before they could, there was a knock on the door.

"Yeah," Brass called.

"There's someone here for Captain Stokes," Officer Mitchell replied.

Brass opened the door. The man standing there looked vaguely familiar, like he'd met him somewhere before. But Brass couldn't remember where or when. Then Billy solved the mystery.

"Tucker," he said in confusion, "I thought I put you on leave? Your family needs you right now."

"I thought about it, boss. But both me and my family believe I should be here – helping protect Nick." Patrick Tucker replied. "It's what Mikey would have wanted."

Billy looked at Brass. Brass nodded back. "Ok," Billy gave in. "Stay outside with Officer Mitchell. No one goes in unless Captain Brass or myself approves."

Tucker nodded and turned to Mitchell. "Pat Tucker," he introduced himself. "Mike spoke of you often."

Brass had a feeling Mike spoke of more than just fellow officers, often. He had a feeling Pat was an inside source of information on Nick for Billy. Looking at Billy, he could see he wasn't going to confirm his suspicions. "Let's go," he gestured at Nick's brother to follow him from the room.

* * *

A/N:


	31. Chapter 31

FF_2/5/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_Let's go," he gestured at Nick's brother to follow him from the room._

Nick felt the pain as images swirled in his mind. His memories flickered like movies as he remembered his interactions with Jillian Stokes. He refused to call her his mother anymore, even in the privacy of his own mind.

Anger seeped in behind the pain as he wondered what gave her, gave them the right. Just because they had the money, the power, they were able to take his life and do whatever they wanted with it. And by doing so, they'd hurt even more people. Nick didn't care about the damage to himself, but what about the others?

How would Ashley and Billy react to the fact that they were no blood relation to him at all? Nick knew both he and Billy had entertained the idea that he wasn't the Judge's son. It was why Billy acquired the water bottle after all. But he knew the no blood tie information would throw his brother for a loop. And Brass – how was he gonna handle the fact that he was Nick's father? Earlier kind words aside, it's got to be hard to discover you've got a thirty-seven year old son you knew nothing about. And how the hell was Nick supposed to tell them?

A knock on the door brought all eyes to it. It caused them to miss Nick's flinch. He didn't want them to know he was awake yet. He still didn't know how to deal with everything he'd heard. His eyes opened to slits so he could see what was happening.

"Mom, Dad!" he heard Chris exclaim. "What're you doin' here?"

"We came as soon as I heard my witch of a sister was on her way," Barbara Taylor exclaimed.

"Now, Barb," Richard Taylor tried to sooth her. "You know ya need to calm down."

"Is she still here?" She demanded.

"No," Billy replied, entering the room with Brass. "She did her damage and left." He ran a hand through his hair and looked at his aunt with tears in his eyes. "After she left, he couldn't stand for us to touch him." He blinked the tears back. "And he asked… Nick _asked_ to be sedated."

Barbara reached out and hugged him. "He's strong, Billy. Nick is so strong. You know that. He'll get over this, too. We just have to be there for him."

"Jim," Grissom broke in, "what happened with the intruders?" Nick fought to stay calm as he heard this question. They'd know he was awake if the monitors went haywire because of his stress.

"We only found three guys. The impostor got away again." Greg and Chris cursed.

"If you don't like that, you won't like the fact that we had to let 'em go," Billy groused.

"What?!" Ashley exclaimed. "Why?"

"We didn't have any evidence they'd done anything wrong," Brass said quietly. "Billy's got some guys on 'em though."

"The impostor's the only one y'all have anythin' on?" Calleigh asked.

"Yes," Grissom said calmly. "And we only have him on impersonating an officer."

"But Nick said…" Greg allowed his voice to trail off when Grissom frowned at him.

"It doesn't matter what Nick said," Grissom said gently. "It matters what we have evidence to prove."

"And right now, we have _no_ evidence against the people who did this," Catherine said, frustrated. "Who were these three guys?"

"Their names aren't important," Brass replied. "What's important is that Nick was right. They're minor crooks who, at one point, were convicted based on Nick's testimony."

While they were talking, Barbara had taken a seat next to Nick. She was just sitting there patting his hand, listening. She glanced over at Nick and was startled to see his eyes open, watching her.

"Nick?" she gasped.

"You knew the truth all along, didn't you?" Nick said hoarsely. His tone wasn't accusatory, just tired.

Barbara gathered him into her arms as best she could while she nodded. Nick collapsed into her embrace and wept. He couldn't stop his tears and sobs, so he buried his face into his aunt's shoulder to muffle the sounds of his distress.

When his tears slowed, she whispered, "We did what we could. I'm just sorry we couldn't do more."

When Nick looked at her in confusion, she said softly, "Why do you think I insisted on visitin' on your birthday and every major holiday? I knew she wouldn't let him hit you from several days before we came until after we left. I tried…" Barbara turned her head away for a moment, but Nick saw the guilt on her face. "I tried to talk her into givin' you to me, but the Judge was adamant. You bore his name, so you'd be raised in his house." Tears fell down her face.

Nick couldn't bear to tell his aunt that the beatings were much, much worse after they left. So he tightened his hug and whispered, "It's not your fault. You did the best you could. Thank you."

As his aunt released him and he leaned back against his pillows, Nick knew he was the focus of everyone's attention. It was Megan who spoke next. "Nick, how are you feeling?" She moved next to his bed, standing next to Barbara.

Nick closed his eyes for a moment. A brief look of pain passed over his face. He looked up and met her eyes. "It hurts," he admitted quietly. "Some things… some things it's better not to know."

* * *

A/N: Let me know if you're still with me. :)


	32. Chapter 32

FF_2/9/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_It hurts," he admitted quietly. "Some things… some things it's better not to know."_

He looked around the room, seeing the concern and reflections of his pain in many of the eyes he met. "I need… I need to tell y'all lots of things, but first I need to talk to Jim, alone."

Brass looked at Nick once the others were gone. He'd moved to a chair next to the bed. "What is it, Nick?" he asked gently.

Nick still didn't know how to tell him, so he pulled the papers Wendy'd given him out of the bedside table. He shuffled through them until he'd found the right one and just silently handed it to Brass. His hands clenched into fists full of blankets and sheets as he waited for Brass's reaction.

Brass read through the paper twice before looking up at Nick. "Wendy?" was all he asked.

Nick nodded and confirmed, "Wendy."

"So it's not…" Brass let his voice trail off.

"It's not a joke or a mistake," Nick confirmed again.

"Good," Brass said firmly. His eyes met Nick's and never wavered. He reached out and gently freed Nick's hand from the blankets and sheets. He squeezed Nick's hand firmly. "I meant what I said before. I always thought of you as the son I never had. Now that I know you _are_ my son…" Brass stopped for a moment to get his voice back under control. "I'm glad, Nick."

"I didn't want you to find out in front of everyone else," Nick said. "I wanted you to have the choice as to whether anyone else knows." Brass started to ask his opinion, but Nick insisted, "I don't care one way or the other. As long as you and I know, I'm good with that."

"I'll think about it," Brass said hesitantly. "Did she tell you the whole story?"

"Yeah," Nick sighed. "Do you mind hearin' it with everyone else?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not sure I'm up to tellin' it more than once."

"No, that's ok," Brass opened the door and invited everyone back in. He got questioning looks from Grissom and Billy, but he ignored them.

Maria took her place next to Nick, holding his right hand. Megan pulled a chair up next to her. Brass quietly moved back to Nick's other side and took the chair there. He didn't take Nick's hand, but set his on the bed next to Nick, ready to support him if necessary.

Nick still wasn't sure how to go about this. He should have known Billy wasn't going to wait for him to find the right words.

"So, bro, what did Wendy tell you?" Billy asked. They all saw Nick flinch at the 'bro'.

Nick sighed and squeezed Maria's hand. "Well, you and Ash share the same parents, and one of 'em is the Judge."

"And you, bro?" This time Billy deliberately used the slang.

"Our DNA has nothing in common," Nick said slowly. His eyes rose to Billy's. "We're not…"

Billy interrupted him. "Don't you dare! Don't you f—kin' dare say we're not brothers!" He stared hard at Nick. "Are you gonna tell me that you lied to Warrick all those years? That the two of you weren't brothers because you didn't share DNA? Are you gonna tell me that?" He glared at Nick.

Nick was taken aback by Billy's vehemence. But he knew what he was saying. "No, I'm not gonna tell ya that. But we both know this isn't what we were expectin'. It's not a shock to either of us that my DNA didn't match _His_ – but neither of them? You know that's a shock."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we're not brothers," Billy was a little calmer.

"Actually, I suppose we're legally brothers," Nick grinned at Billy.

He grinned back. "So you were adopted."

"Yeah," Nick sighed and his grin slowly dissolved.

"Why, Nick?" Ashley asked. "Why did they adopt you? Did Mom tell you?"

Nick looked pensive. "Yeah. She said she's the reason I'm here." Shocked silence answered this statement. "Here on this earth, not here in the hospital." His lips twitched when the others simultaneously took a deep breath."

"She said she wanted another baby a year after Ash, But He didn't. He apparently didn't want to deal with more of the problems She had when She was pregnant with Ash," Nick continued.

"So what agency did they adopt you from?" Ashley asked, curious.

"They didn't adopt me through an agency," Nick replied. "She hired a girl to get pregnant for her."

"She what?" Billy was shocked. Then another thought hit him. "Why didn't I know?"

"You were at boarding school, and Ashley and Lynette were too young," Nick said. "The other three knew. They swore them to secrecy."

"So who was this girl she hired to get pregnant?" Chris asked.

"Her name was Linda Nadal. She died in a car accident two years after I was born." Nick was not the only one who saw Brass's hand jerk. He searched Brass's face. Then he offered more details. The room was silent except for his voice when Nick said, "My father was a high school senior on Christmas break at South Padre Island. He never knew about me."

The silence was broken after a few minutes by Brass. He'd been staring at Nick since he'd said his mother's name. His voice was hoarse with emotion when he said, "I remember her, Nick. Oh God, I remember her. She was so beautiful."

He reached out and took Nick's hand and went on with tears in his eyes. "We were together all week," he whispered. He blinked back the tears as he said, "I thought we were in love." Brass looked down, his face pensive. "Then she disappeared the morning before I left. I spent that day and night looking for her. But I never saw her again."

"Did you… did you have any pictures?" Nick asked hesitantly.

"No, she always refused. I just thought she didn't like to have her picture taken," Brass replied.

It was quiet for a few moments before Grissom said, "So I guess congratulations are in order?"

* * *

A/N: So what do you think? I know you all have been waiting for this!


	33. Chapter 33

FF_2/12/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_It was quiet for a few moments before Grissom said, "So I guess congratulations are in order?"_

"Yeah," Brass said, grinning. "Who'd'a guessed it."

Greg winced, "Won't Ecklie have a field day with that!"

"Actually," Nick said, thoughtfully, "I'll bet he already knows." He looked up at their curious gazes. "My guess is that it was…" He paused for a moment. "My guess is that it's Jillian he's reportin' to. I'll bet the Judge has a different source."

"Nick," Ashley had a frown on her face, "Nick, I don't understand. Mom knew that Dad hit you."

"Yeah," Nick confirmed with a flinch.

"If she wanted you so badly, why'd she let him hit you? He would have stopped if she asked him to."

Nick looked down. Without conscious thought his hands wrapped around his waist and he started rocking back and forth.

Megan looked intently at him, concerned. "Nick," she began, but he cut her off.

He shook his head and murmured, "I'm fine."

Billy looked about to explode. He froze when Nick looked up and they could all see the pain in his eyes. Without saying anything, Brass slid his hand around to the back of Nick's neck, supporting him. Nick's unconscious rocking stopped and he leaned for a moment on Brass's supporting hand before speaking softly.

"I asked… I asked her that." Nick looked up and his lips twisted when he saw Billy and Ash's expressions of shock at his daring.

"Did she tell you?" Billy's voice was subdued.

"Yeah," Nick replied. He didn't speak for a long moment. "I don't think she knew he hit me until after… after what happened with Jack Webster."

"They didn't know… she couldn't have known…" Ashley looked horrified.

"I don't think… I don't know if they knew while it was goin' on, but they both definitely knew afterwards," Nick said with certainty.

"How do you know?" Chris asked. "How can you be sure?"

Nick looked pensive. "The story about me bein' buried went nationwide, remember?" He looked around for the others' nods of confirmation. "Well I got a lot of mail from that. One of the things I did to keep from goin' stir crazy while I was off work, was sort through that mail. Most of it was weirdos, women, or best wishes. There were a few letters from old acquaintances."

"And then there was one that was more interestin'. The return address was a Dr. M. Brand at Parkland Hospital in Dallas. It was marked _'Personal and Confidential'_. Apparently Dr. Marcus Brand was the intern in the ER who examined me after the snakebite. He did a thorough examination in order to determine if there was more than one bite. He found the evidence of … evidence of what Jack Webster did to me." Nick had to stop for a moment. He knew Megan told the others about what Jack Webster had done to him, but he still found it difficult to discuss.

"Dr. Brand told both of them what he'd found," Nick continued, "and the Judge lost it. He went ballistic. Told Dr. Brand if he wanted to continue to practice medicine, he wouldn't spread lies like that. Dr. Brand was young. His wife was pregnant. So he caved. He wrote the letter to apologize for not followin' through. But both of them definitely knew."

"What does that have to do with why she let him hit you?" Chris asked.

Nick looked at his cousin and his mouth opened and closed several times without anything coming out.

Brass squeezed his shoulder and got his attention. "Look at me, Nick. Just tell me."

"She said… she said that after what Webster did to me, she couldn't stand bein' around me, havin' me touch her. She said I made her nauseous." Nick started rocking again.

"I'll kill her," Barb said, breaking the horrified silence.

"I'll hold her for ya," Rich wasn't soothing his wife anymore.

"Nick, how often did the Judge hit you? And how often did he hit the others?" Catherine wanted to change the subject. She didn't want to think too closely about what Nick'd just said or she'd join the Taylors in their plans to murder Jillian.

"Oh, he never hit any of the others," Nick said quietly, "only me. Before _that_ summer, it was only once or twice a month. After, it was at least three times a week."

Billy swore violently.

"Let it go, bro," Nick told him gently.

"I shoulda protected you!" Billy spat out.

"You tried," Nick assured him. "You gave up your future for me, bro. You did everything you could."

"That's the second time you said that, Nick. What do you mean, Billy gave up his future for ya?" Calleigh asked.

Both Nick and Billy sighed. Their gazes clashed as Nick prepared to tell that story, too. He quietly asked Maria for a drink before he began.

* * *

A/N: I promise we will eventually get back to the case and find out who exactly was behind the attack. :) Just stay with me.


	34. Chapter 34

FF_2/12/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Both Nick and Billy sighed. Their gazes clashed as Nick prepared to tell that story, too. He quietly asked Maria for a drink before he began._

"It was the day I was released from my doctors' care, about a month after the snakebite. Jillian and the Judge took me to my appointments. The visit with Dr. Roberts, my medical doctor, went well. It was the visit to the psychiatrist that set him off. Dr. Reston told him I was wastin' her time and his money – that she couldn't help me if I wouldn't talk."

"The Judge spent the whole drive home tellin' me what a weak, coward I was." Nick's voice became bitter. "At the time, I thought 'if only you knew'. But as I found out later, he did know. He told me I should be ashamed and that I couldn't do anythin' right. She just sat there. She was only there because she had an obligation to me. She told me that – that the Judge had to remind her she had an obligation to me."

Nick tried to keep his face as composed as he could. But this was hurting so bad. The fear, the loneliness he'd felt. He'd been so alone. Nick knew if it hadn't been for Billy and Ashley he wouldn't have been strong enough to survive. He took a deep breath and prepared to continue. He wanted the rest of his family to understand how much he owed them. And yet it was so hard to open up to them.

"When we got home, the Judge told me to do my chores since the doctor released me. Ashley was gonna object, but I got her attention and shook my head. So she asked about a celebration dinner." Nick had to stop. He'd never gotten a celebration dinner – not for anything, not even before… "The Judge told her I was nothin' to celebrate and slammed into his study. Ashley tried to help me muck out the stalls, but I wouldn't let her. I was afraid of the Judge's reaction if he found out."

Nick took a deep breath, and the words kept coming. "I went out to the barn and tried to muck out the stalls. But my hands started shakin'. Dr. Roberts told me that might happen. He said the snake venom caused some nerve damage and it would take a while to heal. Knowin' what caused it didn't help much when I was tryin' to hold on to the tools and keep the buckets from spillin'. An hour and a half later, I was only done with three stalls. I could do four an hour before…"

A shudder rippled through his frame. "And then, suddenly the Judge was there, askin' what the hell was takin' so long. When I looked at him, I guess that's the first time I saw it – realized what it was." Nick fell silent.

"What was it?" Calleigh moved closer to the bed.

"Hate," Nick said softly. "I saw hate, disgust and rage in his eyes. When he saw my shakin' hands… I took a step backwards." Nick looked up and they saw the tears in his eyes. "That was the wrong thing to do. It just enraged him more. He took off his belt and gestured for me to take off my shirt. I was able to stay on my knees for a while, then I fell forward to my hands and knees. When he was done, he told me he didn't want to see me until I was done with the stalls."

Nick took a deep breath and looked down at his shaking hands. "I pulled myself up usin' the stall door. Then someone came up behind me. I collapsed back to the floor and curled into a ball." Nick stopped and looked at his brother. His next words were soft and hard to hear. "Jack… Jack liked to watch the Judge hit me. After the Judge would leave, Jack would… he would t-touch me. When I felt the hand on my shoulder, I thought it was him. I forgot he was dead. I thought it was him. I scooted away as best I could. I just stayed in the corner, shakin'." Nick took another deep breath.

"When nothin' happened for a few minutes, I remembered he was dead. I waited for someone to say somethin'. When no one did, I uncurled myself and got up again. I went back to the feed, but my hands were still shakin' so hard. Then… then suddenly someone was supportin' my hands from underneath. I looked over and saw Billy. He didn't say anythin', just supported me while I finished the stalls."

Nick looked down at his shaking hands again. Billy couldn't stand it any more. He sat on the edge of Nick's bed and slid his hands under his brother's.

"I saw him hittin' Nick," Billy spoke softly. "I'd been away at college so I didn't know what'd been goin' on. I heard what happened when they got home – I was in the kitchen. I was gonna go out and help with the stalls but Nick was so afraid of Ashley doin' it, that I decided against it. So I stayed in the house talkin' to Ashley, tryin' to find out what was goin' on with Nick and my father. Then I saw my father stormin' out to the barn. I was horrified when I saw him hittin' Nick with his belt."

"After we finished the stalls, I started askin' Nick questions." Billy met Nick's eyes. They shared a long look. Then Billy continued. "Nick wasn't talkin' yet. But he answered my questions with nods and shakes of his head. And he definitely objected to my plans."

* * *

A/N: I hope you're still with me.


	35. Chapter 35

FF_2/20/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Then Billy continued. "Nick wasn't talkin' yet. But he answered my questions with nods and shakes of his head. And he definitely objected to my plans."_

"Which were?" Grissom asked.

"I was gonna ask one of my professors how I could get custody of Nick. I was upset with how often the Judge was hittin' him."

"I was right," Nick stared hard at Billy.

Billy stared back, fighting to keep a straight face. "You've been waitin' how many years to say that?" They stared at each other again, then broke into laughter simultaneously. Their laughter slowly died, but they held eye contact.

"I _was_ right. I was afraid he'd hurt you somehow, for tryin' to help me." Nick's voice was full of pain. "And he did…" his last words were whispered.

Billy squeezed Nick's hands again, but stayed silent. He wasn't going to give the details of exactly what happened to him. Nick didn't need to know. He'd never been on the receiving end of his father's rage before this incident. It'd shocked him. And it still saddened him to realize Nick had experienced it so many times.

"I didn't find out what happened until two days later," Nick continued, his voice a little stronger. He cleared his throat and took a quick sip of water, trying to stay composed. "The Judge gathered everyone together for a family talk." Nick saw his aunt flinch. Calleigh looked pensive and Chris was frowning. Ashley had come up behind Billy and put her hands on his shoulders. Billy turned his head and flashed her a smile. Nick saw his work family exchange glances at the others' reactions to his words.

"I take it family talks were not a good thing in the Stokes household?" Grissom asked gently.

Billy shook his head 'no' and nodded at Nick to continue. He'd never heard his brother's account of this incident. He wanted to.

"I'll never forget it," Nick said softly. "He said, 'Your brother's in trouble. He was stopped on his way back to school. The police found drugs in his car.' He stared at me the whole time. All I could think was that Billy didn't do drugs. I knew the Judge knew that, too. That's when I realized that this had to do with me… with what Billy tried to do for me." Nick paused and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he opened them and continued. "He told us the judge was an old family friend so he was willin' to give Billy a choice. He could go into the military with no record or he could go to jail."

All eyes focused on Billy. He shrugged but kept his gaze on Nick. "I always wanted to be a Navy SEAL," he said quietly.

"The Judge told us that Billy chose the Navy." Nick pulled his hands away from Billy and wrapped them around himself. "I knew then that I was alone." Nick took a deep breath at the expressions around him. He hadn't meant to say that out loud.

Before anyone could express their reactions, Nick continued. "The Judge told us to go do our chores. I wasn't surprised when he followed me to the barn. He grabbed me by the arm and shook me. Then he pulled me closer to him. He asked me if I was happy now and shook me again." Nick's right hand moved to his left bicep. He unconsciously rubbed it, trying to rub away the remembered pain.

"I was tryin' to keep from cryin' out; he was holding my arm so hard. He told me I ruined my brother's life; that now he had no chance for college; that all his dreams were gone because of me. He said there was no way I could make it up to him; that I wouldn't even get to see him since all his leaves would be spent on base. He shook me again and let me go so I fell into the stall door. Then he asked me if I was happy again."

"When I shook my head no, he started unbuckling his belt. I knew what that meant. I raised my shirt and got down on my knees. I didn't see Billy again until yesterday."

Calleigh looked from Nick to Billy and back. "Don't _even_ tell me y'all didn't keep in touch. You, Billy, knew exactly where to find Nick. And you, Nick, weren't all that surprised to see Billy."

Billy and Nick exchanged glances. Billy spoke first. "I wasn't lyin' when I said I wanted to be a Navy SEAL. It's why I chose the Navy when given the choice. Basic wasn't easy, but it isn't supposed to be. It didn't help that I was worried about Nick. As soon as I could I put in for the SEALs. Nothin' happened. Of course I knew my father was monitorin' me somehow. I wondered if that's why I didn't hear about my application. They're supposed to interview everyone who applies."

Billy took a deep breath. "If I made the SEALs, my father'd lose all control over me. I knew he'd do anything he could to avoid that. And he did, for two years. Then one of the guys from my unit was getting' interviewed and mentioned that he felt guilty because I applied three times and never got interviewed, but he did on his first time. I never could get him to admit whether he did it on purpose or not."

"It didn't matter why he said it, the results were that the SEALs knew I applied but they never received my application. They went to the officer in charge of that paperwork to ask whether my application got lost. They knew who I was and were determined to interview me. So the officer 'found' my application and had to give it over. They never mentioned any of this during my interview."

"I passed the interview and got through most of SEAL training before they pulled me from the others. It was right after Hell Week as a matter of fact. They wanted to know what was goin' on with me. Apparently when they accepted me, they were forced to accept another candidate. He didn't have to actually do anythin', he was passed as long as I was. They wanted to know why."

"I knew the other was there to spy on me for my father. I didn't know how far his influence went up the chain of command. So I told them my answer depended on whether I was gonna pass. There were five guys in the room with me: four instructors and the CO of the SEALs. They exchanged glances and finally admitted that I was gonna pass. I'd kinda figured that or they wouldn't have cared about what was goin' on."

"So I told them the truth: how I came to be in the Navy and why, as well as one of my reasons for applyin' to the SEALs. They asked… they asked what happened to Nick. I told them until I went to SEAL trainin' I hadn't been allowed off-base in two years. I'd had letters from Ashley, but all she knew was what she'd observed – Nick wasn't talkin' to her." Billy met Nick's eyes. Nick flushed but didn't back down.

"I didn't want anythin' bad to happen to her," he said softly. "I'd already lost you. If I lost her, I don't know that I'd've survived." Nick moved his gaze to Ashley. She smiled supportively at Nick. He smiled quietly back.

"Yeah, well, the next thing I know there are plans flyin' around for John Banks, one of the instructors, to join the recruiters in Dallas. They asked what school Nick was in and had me write a letter to Nick about what was goin' on with me. John left right after graduation."

* * *


	36. Chapter 36

FF_2/20/2009

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_Yeah, well, the next thing I know there are plans flyin' around for John Banks, one of the instructors, to join the recruiters in Dallas. They asked what school Nick was in and had me write a letter to Nick about what was goin' on with me. John left right after graduation."_

"He got back a month later. I got called in from trainin' with my team to meet with the same five officers. When John started talkin' about his trip, he got angry. He had no problem getting' included on the trip to Nick's school. But that was apparently the only easy part. Nick 'resisted' meetin' with him alone. It took a lot of convincin' to get Nick to meet with him. All the recruiters met with the students individually. But Nick was bein' stubborn." He mock glared at Nick.

"Yeah, yeah," Nick grumbled. "Knowin' my history y'all woulda killed me if I agreed to meet with a stranger who said he had important information that I just _had_ to hear. Someone who said, 'trust me' and I was just supposed to do that? Ri-ight!" He looked up at his family and friends, lips twitching.

Billy rolled his eyes. "You only invoke that when it works in your favor." He rolled his eyes again at his brother.

Nick appreciated Billy's efforts to lighten things up, but he didn't want to get too far from the story. "I was scared," he admitted quietly. "I didn't know who to trust. And Johnny didn't want to use your name until we were alone because he didn't know if the Judge had any spies there."

"So what happened when you finally agreed to talk with him?" Brass asked quietly.

"He reached for my shoulder, to reassure me, I think, and I took a step backwards. Then I saw him take something out of his pocket and push it at me. I gasped and cowered backward. I thought for a moment he was gonna hit me." Nick sighed. "I felt really stupid when I realized he was just tryin' to give me a letter."

"Johnny just stood there, holdin' the letter out. He'd frozen when I gasped. I reached forward tentatively and took the letter. I nearly dropped it when I recognized Billy's handwritin'. I asked him if he knew Billy and he admitted he did. He told me Billy'd become a Navy SEAL. He asked how I was doin' – how everythin' was at home. I didn't know how to answer him. So I mumbled that I was fine, but I couldn't look at him."

Nick sighed, remembering. "Johnny was so patient. He didn't push. He just sat down in the chair furthest from me and told me to go ahead and read my letter. So I did. Then he told me I could write back to Billy. I didn't know what to say. I didn't trust Johnny, not yet. And yet, he _had_ brought me Billy's letter. I guess I was afraid of a trap. So I scribbled a quick letter." Nick was suddenly interrupted by Billy's loud laughter.

"A quick letter?" Billy asked. "It was four sentences!" He looked around at the others. "It was so Nick, too. It went: 'I'm fine. I'm so sorry. I love you. Be careful. Love, Nick.'" He locked glances with Nick. "I was never so glad to get a letter in my life," he said softly. He tried to blink back the tears in his eyes. "I was so glad you didn't hate me for abandonin' you."

"You didn't abandon me; you were taken away from me." Nick's voice was just as soft. "Anyway, the SEALs kind of adopted me. There was always at least one around. They passed letters back and forth, gave me advice, and taught me a lot. When I got into high school, they started workin' out at a local gym and invited out teams to work out with 'em. It was around that time that the Judge stopped hittin' me." Nick met Billy's eyes again. "He still found ways to keep Billy and I from seein' each other, though."

"He just didn't know we had this whole other way of communicatin'," Billy agreed. "As long as Nick was livin' at home, we thought it best to stay away from each other. But we always kept in touch."

Megan was watching Nick closely. There'd been a lot of good communication. It did Nick a lot of good to remember those who cared about him. With the news of his birth parents, maybe he could move past the pain of his legal parents' abuse. But it had been a lot of talking and Megan could see the exhaustion on Nick's face.

"Ok, guys, I think it's time for Nick to rest," Megan spoke softly but authoritatively.

They all began moving toward the door. Billy reached out and squeezed Nick's hand once quickly, then winked as he left. Nick smiled. Then he looked at Brass. He was finding it hard to keep his eyes open.

"Than's Jim," he whispered as they fluttered closed. Brass rested his hand on Nick's head for a moment, then left with the others.

Nick slept peacefully through the night except for a few restless dreams. He woke once to eat – broth and jello, but he went right back to sleep.

* * *

A/N: I know you all hate the short chapters, but I'm scrambling to keep ahead of you! So hopefully this will keep the story moving, but I can still stay in front.


	37. Chapter 37

FF_2/27/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: A little bit of lovin' before we get back to the case!

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Nick slept peacefully through the night except for a few restless dreams. He woke once to eat – broth and jello, but he went right back to sleep._

When he woke in the morning, he felt much better. He was still tired, but the rest had really helped. Nick relished his time alone. He knew it wouldn't last. It's not that he didn't appreciate his family and friends' support. But a lot had happened and he needed some time to assimilate it.

Nick thought about his biological mother. He wondered if she'd wanted him. He wondered if she'd survived, whether she would have tried to contact him when he was older. Slowly Nick pushed those thoughts away. He knew they weren't going to help. There were no answers out there. But he also knew the questions wouldn't go away easily.

A smile appeared on his face as he thought of Brass. At least he knew quite a lot about his biological father. He continued to smile as he remembered how many times Jim had been there for him through the years.

After a few minutes of reminiscing, Nick's thoughts turned to his current situation. He couldn't get the impostor out of his mind. He _knew_ he should know who that was. I mean, he'd just gotten his memories back. Surely in all that mess was the identity of the impostor.

Nick's thoughts were interrupted when his door opened and Maria walked in. She smiled at Nick and moved next to his bed. She reached out and slipped her fingers through his. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," he smiled back.

Maria's free hand gently caressed his cheek and then slid up into his hair. She leaned down and gave him a soft kiss on his lips. Nick lifted his hand to her cheek and returned her kiss. It wasn't long before Maria pulled away gently. She gently caressed his cheek again and slipped onto the edge of Nick's bed.

"I love you," she breathed before giving him another quick kiss.

"I love you too, darlin'," Nick stole another quick kiss. Maria put her fingers over his lips before he could steal another.

"Slow down, Cowboy," Maria smiled. "You've got a date with the surgeon in a few hours. And you need to do a lot more healing before you're up to too much." She smoothed her hand down his cheek again.

"You up to a visit from the team on your case?" Maria didn't miss the flinch when she mentioned the case.

"Yeah," Nick sighed, his smile folding into a frown. "I _hate_ bein' a victim," he muttered under his breath.

"I heard that," Maria scolded. "You're not a victim, you're a survivor."

Nick twisted his lips into a brief smile. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But sometimes… sometimes I just wanna be normal."

Maria did her best to sooth his pain away, though she knew it wasn't that easy. As she gently smoothed the unshed tears from his eyes, she whispered, "You could never be normal, my love. You're so far above normal; you could never sink that low. Spectacular is as low as you can go."

Nick laughed softly, just like she intended. He rested his head on her shoulder and basked in the feeling of her love surrounding him. "I don't deserve you, but there's no way I can ever let you go. I need you so much." He met Maria's eyes and let her see everything he felt in his eyes: the love, the gratitude, the faith in their relationship. After a few moments, he looked down again. "You said somethin' about a visit from the team?"

"Yes," Maria caressed his cheek one more time, before getting up and opening the door.

Brass led the parade into Nick's room. He was followed by Ecklie, Grissom, Catherine, Greg, Vartann, Vega, Lt. Casey, Calleigh, and Billy.

"Calleigh?" Nick asked, startled that his cousin was included with the investigating team.

"Well, I am a CSI," Calleigh said quickly. "And y'all know I'd go stir crazy without somethin' to do."

Nick acknowledged Calleigh's words as Brass moved to his bedside. The two men shared a glance and the unanimous desire to keep their new relationship low-key, especially with Ecklie around. So Brass just said, "Hey, Nick," and gently patted Nick's hand.

Nick just replied, "Mornin' Jim."

The others were arranging themselves in the various chairs around the room when Pat Tucker knocked on the door and then slipped inside.

"Hey, Nick," he said.

"Hey, Pat," Nick replied. It was obvious that Nick knew Mike Tucker's brother pretty well.

"Do you know a…" Pat looked at the business card in his hand, "…an A. J. Dennison, Nick?"

"Denny? Denny's here?" Nick looked confused.

"Yeah, do you want to see him?" Pat asked.

"Yeah, I can't imagine…" Nick let his voice trail off as Pat went back outside to get Nick's visitor. Nick ignored the others' questions while he watched the door and waited to see his old friend again.

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the little interlude with Maria. Things will get heavy again when we find out why an old friend is visiting! :)


	38. Chapter 38

FF_3/2/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: And it's back to the case - sort of...evil grin

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Nick ignored the others' questions while he watched the door and waited to see his old friend again._

Calleigh gasped when A. J. Dennison walked in. It was the same man they'd seen in the Chinese restaurant. Seeing him up close, Calleigh realized he wasn't as young as she'd originally thought. He just had a baby face.

"Denny, it's great to see ya, man. But why are ya here?" Nick smiled at his friend, but the confusion was still in his eyes.

Denny looked at Nick and took a few seconds to silently catalogue his visible injuries. He saw the bandages on his head, the edge of bandages visible under Nick's left sleeve, the temporary casts on Nick's left leg and lower right leg. He'd known it was going to be bad, but not this bad.

"Hey, Nick," he finally said. "How are ya doin'?" He closely watched Nick answer.

"I've been better," Nick admitted. "But it's gettin' better all the time."

Denny seemed to come to some decision. "We need to talk, Nick." He looked around at the others in the room uneasily. "You might want some privacy."

"What is this about, Denny?" Nick was getting concerned.

Denny's uneasy glance darted back to Billy. "The boss sent me, Nick. We think we might have some information you need."

"Nick," Brass's voice was sharp. "Ya wanna introduce us to your friend?"

"Sorry, Jim," Nick looked around the room. "This is Denny Dennison. I worked with him fifteen years ago at the Dallas PD Crime Lab."

Brass and the others relaxed a bit as Denny smiled and said, "Ya just had to give me that god-awful nick-name, didn't ya, Nick! It stuck, too. Even my wife calls me Denny, now."

Brass gave him a polite smile and asked, "So ya still with the Dallas PD Crime Lab?"

"Yeah," Denny replied, sobered. "I'm the Day Shift Supervisor."

"Denny, if you had information, why didn't ya just call?" Nick asked. He was sure he wasn't going to like the answer.

"We weren't sure who we could trust," Denny admitted. "Nick…"

"Denny, this is the team investigatin' my assault," Nick said quietly. "Anythin' you've got to say connected to that, these are the people who need to hear it."

Denny nodded. "Ok, man. Ok." He looked away and took a deep breath. Looking back at Nick he said quickly, "Nick, Craig Miller's out on parole."

Nick froze. Every bit of color drained from his face. He stopped breathing. The expression on his face went completely blank. It wasn't until black spots formed in front of his eyes that he gasped in a breath. He didn't hear the concerned voices demanding to know what was wrong. Nick gasped in another breath, then another. He flung his right arm over his face and fought to just breathe.

Suddenly it was all so clear. Craig Miller was the impostor. But why hadn't he remembered his voice? He didn't think he'd have ever forgotten that voice. Maybe that was the possible trigger for his amnesia Megan had mentioned. Nick was drawn out of his internal musings by Brass's demand to know just who the hell Craig Miller was.

Slowly Nick pulled his arm from his face. As he pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed his eyes, he whispered, "Just give me a minute, Jim."

They waited in silence while Nick regained his composure. When he looked up, Denny had taken a seat to his right. Their eyes met for a long moment. Then Denny nodded once and began speaking.

"Craig Miller _was_ a CSI at the Dallas PD Crime Lab." Denny looked up and saw the shock at that statement. "He _is_ a serial killer. Of course, we were never able to prove that," he said bitterly.

"What does he have to do with Nick?" Billy got right to the point.

"Nick," Denny looked back at him. "Nick was the only one who saw what he was. He tried to tell us what was going on, but not one of us believed him." Denny rubbed his face. "So he started investigatin' on his own." Denny searched Nick's face. He still wasn't sure how much information Nick wanted the others to have.

"So Nick caught the guy?" Greg asked.

"Because of the information Nick gathered, we were able to catch him before he killed his last victim; the only victim who survived," Denny said carefully. "All we could prove was kidnappin' and assault, though."

"Nick testified against him?" Grissom asked.

"There wasn't a trial," Denny replied. "He pled guilty to kidnappin' and assault because he didn't want us investigatin' any further. He thought if he was already in jail, any urgency to investigate his other crimes would eventually evaporate. And he was right." Denny said bitterly. "Other cases became priority. And after Nick left, the motivation just seemed to die. Nick did speak at his sentencin' though."

"I didn't think they let investigators speak at the sentencing." Ecklie said, puzzled.

Nick finally spoke. "They don't." He looked quickly around the room, his pain visible in his eyes. "They only let victims or the families of victims speak." The silence was deafening. "Craig caught me investigatin' the disappearance of one of our suspects in a rape case. His body hadn't been found yet. I was gettin' close to findin' the scene of his abduction, though. So, Craig took me before I got to the evidence. He would have killed me but he was still torturin' the rapist. The time it took for him to finish with the rapist and dispose of his body gave Denny and the others the opportunity to find my notes and eventually me. He'd only just started beatin' me when they got there."

"What was his sentence?" Vega asked quietly.

"The maximum sentence at that time for kidnappin' and assault was twenty-five years, with parole after fifteen." Nick said, staring into space.

"So why didn't you mention him as a suspect before? It's been fifteen years, right?" Ecklie asked sarcastically.

"Because he was sentenced to twenty-five years without parole," Nick said, moving his stare to Ecklie as if daring him to object.

* * *

A/N: I hope y'all are still here! Let me know. :)


	39. Chapter 39

FF_3/2/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: For nicksfriend - because you asked! :) Warning - some extreme violence discussed.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_Because he was sentenced to twenty-five years without parole," Nick said, moving his stare to Ecklie as if daring him to object._

"But didn't y'all just say the maximum included parole?" Calleigh asked.

Nick sighed. He twisted his fingers together. He stared at his hands. Then he jumped when Denny asked, "Nick, do ya want me …?" softly.

"No," Nick said, tiredly. "No, I'll… I'll do it."

"Nick, before you continue I have a question," Grissom said thoughtfully. "Why haven't any of us heard about this case before?"

"It was kept very quiet." Nick said softly. "Dallas PD was not eager to let anyone know they'd hired a serial killer. And… and even though most of the Texas justice system knew the story, it didn't go beyond that."

"I don't understand how that's possible?" Lt. Casey said.

"It's possible for the same reason the maximum sentence was superseded." Denny said softly. He looked at Nick sympathetically. "Nick wasn't the only one who spoke at the sentencin'. Craig also spoke. Usually that's an opportunity for the perpetrator to express his remorse. That's not what Craig did, though." His eyes met Nick's as he pulled a tape recorder from his pocket.

Nick's eyes closed. "You brought the tape," he whispered.

"We thought it was the easiest way to be taken seriously," Denny replied. "We didn't know who we'd be dealin' with here."

"What tape?" Billy asked ominously.

"The tape of Craig Miller's statement at the sentencin'," Nick's voice was just above a whisper. "It's why he got the sentence he did; why he was unable to appeal that sentence until now; why no one was willin' to discuss the case." He closed his eyes again. He didn't want to continue this, but he didn't see how he had much choice. And he'd rather be a part of it than excluded. He opened his eyes and looked at Denny.

Denny met his eyes cautiously. When Nick nodded, he spoke quietly, "Nick, are you sure?"

"Yeah," Nick replied. "They need to understand who we're dealin' with."

Denny nodded. He looked around at the others. "This is… very, um… very… disturbin'. I just want you to be… prepared."

He set up the tape recorder, looked around one last time and pressed play.

"Mr. Miller, do you have anything you want to say before I set your sentence?"

"Yeah, but not to you. What I have to say is to my friend, my close friend Nick Stokes. I'll never forget you, Nick. You'd better run, you'd better hide, my friend. When I catch up to you, you'll regret ever _hearin'_ my name. What I'll do to you will make anythin' I've ever done to anyone else a walk in the park. I'll gouge your eyes out with a spoon. I'll cut your tongue out with scissors. I'll cut off your fingers and toes one at a time. I'll flay the skin from your body. I'll cut off your hands and your feet. And through it all, I'll keep you alive. You'll beg for death while you can still speak. And I'll show you no mercy. Nothin' and no one can shield you from me. I'll never forget you my friend and you'd be a fool to ever forget me."

"Get him out of here…" Denny shut off the tape.

No one spoke for a moment. It was Ecklie who broke the silence. "So how did that tape do all you say?"

Nick looked up and locked eyes with him. "Do you really not get it? Isn't there anyone you can think of who has the power and connections to control the Texas justice system like that?"

Billy looked at him with obvious surprise. "You mean…"

"The Judge was there for the sentencin'. The presiding judge was an old friend of his. Every lawyer who was contacted regardin' any of Craig's appeals was warned that takin' it would destroy their career. Eventually he gave up and earned his own law degree. Then the tape was played by one of the Judge's staff for every judge who would hear each appeal. It was always denied." Nick looked at his hands. "It's the only time he ever protected me." Nick refused to look up. "And he _never_ let me forget what he was doin' for me."

"Why?" Billy was shocked. "Why would he do all that for you when he never took a step out of his way for you your whole life?"

Nick finally looked up. "All I could ever figure is that it was an insult to his pride. Craig said no one could protect me from him. The Judge decided to prove him wrong."

"So what changed?" Grissom asked. "How did he get out on parole?"

"He appealed directly to the Texas Supreme Court," Denny replied. "He's been doin' that for years. But this time… this time the Court didn't deny it. And they ruled in his favor. Judge Stokes presided over the entire proceeding. He encouraged his fellow justices to review the case and give the correct legal result. That's why we didn't dare try to contact you any way except in person."

"Only the person who denied him all these years," Calleigh realized, "only he could get Miller released."

"Why would he do that now?" Greg asked. "I don't understand?"

"I think I do." Billy's face was ashen. "I think the only reason he protected you was to have control over Miller."

"You believe your father tried to kill Nick through Craig Miller?" Catherine asked, shocked. "You believe he's capable of that?"

* * *

A/N: What is the Judge capable of? Guess we'll have to wait to find out! :P


	40. Chapter 40

FF_3/4/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: To find the person behind the assault, we need to investigate Nick's past.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_You believe your father tried to kill Nick through Craig Miller?" Catherine asked, shocked. "You believe he's capable of that?"_

"You want to know if Judge Stokes is capable of tryin' to kill Nick?" Calleigh asked bitterly. She met Nick's eyes. "Why not? He's done it before." This statement brought all eyes to her. Her eyes stayed on Nick as she said, "I'll never forget what you said to me that day: 'You cannot imagine the levels of violence he's capable of.' You told me that when you were sixteen years old." Calleigh wiped the tears from her eyes. "And then you asked me to never discuss what happened ever again."

"He told me if I ever told anyone what happened, he'd kill me and them," Nick said quietly. "And I believed him. So I lied… to everyone." He smiled bitterly. "I'm _real_ good at lyin' when I wanna be."

Nick thought quickly. He really, really didn't want to get bogged down in the past again. So he moved to his first real question regarding the investigation. "Does anyone have any idea how Craig Miller and Nigel Crane got together?"

"Does Jack Willman or Jeff McKeen have any connection to Craig Miller?" Catherine asked.

"Why Willman or McKeen?" Nick asked.

"Willman's in the same cellblock as Crane and McKeen's isolation cell is right next door," Greg answered.

Nick stared at him for a moment. The he turned to Lt. Bob Casey. "Is someone lookin' into McKeen's phone records?"

"Yeah, we're looking back two years," Bob Casey replied.

"Can you find out if he's ever called 976-555-3234?" Nick asked quietly.

"Nick…?" Billy started, shock on his face.

"We need to know, Billy," Nick said softly but firmly. They shared a long look. Finally Billy nodded.

While they'd been talking, Casey got on his cell phone. He asked the question, then listened quietly, before assuring the person on the other end that he'd be in touch and hanging up. He looked back at Nick. "That's a prepaid cell phone number."

Nick looked at Billy then back at Casey. "And…?" he asked.

"And apparently, the identification of the owner of that number is one of the biggest questions they have right now. There were routine weekly phone calls up until shortly before Warrick was murdered. During that time and the time you were investigating Warrick's murder, the calls became more frequent. They stopped all together after McKeen was arrested. Then they started up again about three weeks ago. Pretty much every time McKeen's had phone privileges in the past three weeks, he's called that number, up until your assault." Casey stopped. He knew he'd have to ask the question, but he wanted to give the Stokes a little time. He already had an idea what his answer was.

Billy cursed violently and moved to face the wall. He pulled his left fist back and punched at the wall. He clenched his teeth and tightened his jaw as he forced his fist to stop just before it hit the wall.

Nick just put his right arm up over his eyes and lay there quietly. He didn't know why he was surprised. It was what he'd suspected. And yet it still hurt.

Billy turned back to Nick. Anger covered his face but his hands were gentle when he touched the arm covering Nick's face. "I'm sorry," he said helplessly. "God, Nick…"

"It's not _your_ fault," Nick said softly. He moved his arm and met Billy's eyes squarely. "You had _nothin'_ to do with any of this."

"No, just my father," Billy said bitterly. Looking at Lt. Casey he said, "In case you had any doubt, that's my father's private cell phone number." He looked back at Nick. "I just don't understand. I don't understand how he could hurt you like that when you were a kid. And I don't understand why he would want you dead now." Billy blinked back the tears in his eyes.

"What do you mean you don't understand how he could hurt Nick when he was a kid?" Ecklie asked.

"What, are you gonna say you didn't know that the _lovin'_ couple you've been spyin' for abused Nick when he was a kid?" Billy watched with satisfaction as Ecklie's face became ashen.

"Billy," Nick said quietly, "Stop takin' it out on Ecklie. It's not his fault, either."

Billy opened his mouth to make another comment but Nick forestalled him by saying, "Please Billy, not _now_."

Billy looked ashamed and muttered, "Sorry."

Nick looked at Billy until he met his eyes. "There's only one reason I can think of that would set him off like that," he said softly. He held Billy's eyes. "He must have figured out…"

"No!" Billy exploded. "No, no, no fuckin' way! Don't you dare tell me he's goin' after you because he found out we were keepin' in contact! Don't you dare!"

"Billy," Brass's voice was cold with warning, "don't yell at Nick. He's not the one you should be angry with."

Nick quickly shot Brass a calming glance. He _knew_ Billy would never hurt him. And Brass had no idea how Billy felt right now. He said softly to his brother. "If you get to feel guilty about this, I get to feel guilty about you bein' sent to the Navy."

"There's no fuckin' comparison. This is so much worse," Billy looked at Nick with tears in his eyes, though his voice was light. "He's tryin' to _kill_ you."

"He put you in a job where killin' or bein' killed _is_ the job." Nick replied, seriously.

Billy stared at him for a moment, before collapsing into the chair next to Nick's bed. "Ya know, I never quite thought of it that way," he mused quietly.

"Nicky always could get you to thinkin' instead of reactin' faster than anyone else," a voice from the door interjected.

Both Nick's and Billy's eyes shot to the door as they exclaimed "Mandy!" and "Amanda!" simultaneously.

* * *

A/N: And now who is Amanda? :)


	41. Chapter 41

FF_3/4/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

Spoilers: For Daddy's Little Girl.

NickyFan: Here you go!

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Both Nick's and Billy's eyes shot to the door as they exclaimed "Mandy!" and "Amanda!" simultaneously._

"Mandy, should you be here?" Nick asked with concern.

"It's ok, Nick," the tall dark-haired man who followed the good-looking auburn-haired woman in stated. "It's a decision we made together. And it's not as dangerous as you might think."

"What's goin' on, Matt?" Nick asked, examining the third person to enter with interest.

"I'm here on official business. We're lookin' into removin' him from the bench." Matt replied.

Nick took a deep breath, shocked. He looked around the room, trying to hold on to his composure. He saw the curiosity and suspicion in the others' looks at the newcomers.

"This is my sister Amanda and her husband Matt Hancock. Last I knew, Matt was an ADA for the Dallas District Attorney's Office," he introduced quietly. He quickly introduced the investigating team to his sister and her companions.

"Actually I've taken leave from the DA's Office," Matt replied. "I've been appointed Special Prosecutor to the Governor's Office. My charge is to look into possible malfeasance by Justice William Stokes. I'm here to investigate the Judge's contact with a Jeffrey McKeen." Matt found himself being examined very carefully.

"And your friend?" Brass asked Matt quietly.

"His friend definitely shouldn't be here," Nick said with frustration. "Had anyone bothered to call, I could've told 'em that."

"I needed to know you were ok, Nick. I needed to make sure what I was doin' wasn't puttin' you in more danger." The unidentified man spoke softly, but sincerely.

"Nick, do you trust him?" Brass asked quietly.

"Yeah," Nick spoke tiredly. "He's a little impulsive, but he's trustworthy, otherwise he wouldn't've been elected."

Everyone stared at the anonymous visitor. Suddenly Catherine said, "I know who you are. You're…"

"I'm a friend of Nick's," he interrupted. "Nick's right that I shouldn't be here now. But I _needed_ to see with my own eyes that he's gonna be ok. And I wanted to make sure he's protected." He looked back at Nick. "You saved my life twice. I needed to know you're safe."

"Well, it's better than bargin' in with a drawn gun to test the security, I suppose," Nick said, glancing at his brother.

"Bil-ly!" Amanda exclaimed and smacked him on the arm.

Nick looked at Matt. "Why are you investigatin' him now?" he asked.

"The way Craig Miller was released got our attention," Matt admitted, "but it isn't because of what you think. We had another convicted felon come forward several months ago sayin' he was given an unfair sentence – it didn't follow guidelines. He was told if he kept quiet and played his cards right, he'd be contacted and released early." Matt looked at Nick. "After Craig Miller was released, we started takin' him more seriously."

Matt kept his eyes on Nick. He didn't know exactly what this meant, but he knew it meant something. "Nick, do you know someone named Sylvia Mullens?"

Grissom cursed violently. All eyes shot to him. The emotional outburst was so out of character for him, they were all shocked. He was moving toward Nick. "Nick…"

Nick was shaking his head, tears streaming down his face. "It'll _never_ be over," he whispered. "Never…" his voice trailed off. He flung his right arm aver his face again.

Amanda pushed past Grissom who was just standing there helplessly. She moved to Nick's side, slid onto the bed and gathered Nick into her arms. She rocked him gently and hummed tunelessly. Nick's arms went around her waist and he held on to her desperately, burying his face in her shoulder.

"Shhh," she soothed. "It's gonna be ok, Nicky. It's gonna be ok."

"I'm sorry, does someone what to tell me what can of worms I've opened?" Matt asked, looking around the room. Detectives Vega and Vartann looked as confused as he felt. So did Billy, Calleigh, Greg, Ecklie and Lt. Casey. Catherine looked concerned. Brass was getting angry, his anger overriding his concern.

"Nick…" Grissom said again. "Nick, do you want me…?"

"No," the word burst from Nick. He was quiet for a moment before continuing. "Are you sure you trust us all enough to discuss this?" he asked bitterly.

"Nick…" It was Catherine this time.

"You don't understand, Catherine – you can't." The bitterness still laced his voice.

"Then explain it. Explain it to all of us, bro." Billy moved quietly between Nick and Grissom, looking at Grissom with suspicion.

"Sylvia Mullens was Walter Gordon's business partner." The whole room seemed to take a deep breath and hold it. "We didn't know that when Catherine and I caught the case when she was murdered. She was pinned to the wall of the parking garage where she worked by her own car. When I looked at her appointment book, I noticed she had an appointment earlier that day with Kelly Gordon. I'd seen Kelly a couple of times since she'd gotten out of prison."

"I didn't know that," Grissom observed quietly.

"I didn't mention it to anyone. I saw her at a crime scene, first. Then she visited me at the lab." Nick met Grissom's eyes as his colleagues flinched in surprise. "She said she came to tell me she'd been thinkin' about what I told her when I went to see her in prison."

"Which was…?" Billy asked.

"I told her not to take it with her when she got out," Nick said. "Anyway, when I was lookin' Kelly up in the computer, I checked her links to other cases. One of 'em was mine. And there was a message there about new evidence logged by Grissom." All eyes went to Grissom's face. It was composed, but you could see the tension around his eyes if you knew what to look for.

"When I checked out the new evidence, I found an audio file. Apparently someone found the tape from when I'd been… buried… and turned it in. I listened to the file… and there was another voice on the end." Nick continued.

* * *

A/N: If you're wondering who Nick's friend is, just think about Matt's new position; and the fact that the friend was elected. That's all I'm gonna say :P He's there incognito! The Judge isn't the only one with friends in high places :)


	42. Chapter 42

FF_3/4/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

Spoilers: Daddy's Little Girl

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_When I checked out the new evidence, I found an audio file. Apparently someone found the tape from when I'd been… buried… and turned it in. I listened to the file… and there was another voice on the end." Nick continued._

"There was what?" Catherine asked, shocked. Hers wasn't the only shocked face.

Nick felt better knowing Grissom hadn't told any of the others about the tape, either. "There was another voice on the tape. I'd noticed a tape recorder in Ms. Mullens' belongings. She taped her meetings with clients. I found the meeting with Kelly on the tape and took it to Archie. I had him compare Kelly's voice to the second voice on my tape. It didn't match. Sylvia Mullens' did, though." Nick closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he looked straight at Matt.

"So what's the connection between Sylvia Mullens and the Judge?" he asked, resignedly.

"Nick, who killed Sylvia Mullens?" Matt asked. He waited while Nick thought about his non-answer for a few moments.

"Kelly Gordon did. Our AV Tech was able to get a good picture of the prison tattoo on the palm of her hand when she unfocused the surveillance camera in the parking garage." Nick was watching Matt closely as he answered.

Matt cursed and clenched his fists. "Where is Ms. Gordon now?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Why? Does she have a connection to my father, too?" Billy asked caustically.

Matt didn't answer for a moment. "No, your mother," he finally admitted. He looked over at Nick in the stunned silence that followed. "I'm sorry, I know this is hard, but I need to know where Kelly Gordon is right now."

"She's dead," Nick's voice was a faint whisper of sound. "I got a ringside seat at her suicide when Detective Curtis and I went to pick her up on the murder charge. She OD'd right in front of us."

Nick rubbed his eyes with his right hand. "I don't understand," he whispered. "Warrick and I flipped a coin to decide who would take the trash run that night. How did… how did the Judge…? There's no way he could have predicted I'd be the one on that scene."

"The information I have is that they set it up so it'd be called in on your shift. The Judge didn't figure your supervisor would take a call like that, so he believed he had a fifty-fifty chance on getting' you." Matt replied.

Nick shook his head. It was incomprehensible. How could the man who called himself his father most of his life do something so monstrous to him. "I don't understand why he hates me so much," he whispered. He forced that thought away. He couldn't focus on that now. "What was he gonna do if they got Warrick instead?"

"I don't know, Nick," Matt replied softly. "Those plans weren't spelled out in the information we received."

"Why were you so concerned about the location of Kelly Gordon?" Calleigh spoke up.

"The search warrant we had allowed us to search for any evidence of a connection with anyone who would want to hurt Nick, not just Craig Miller. One of the things we found were reports that suggested Ms. Gordon was stalking Nick. They were in Jillian's private papers."

Nick heard both Brass and Billy curse. He blocked it out; the reactions of his friends. His right arm went across his face again. He felt so exposed. Pain, fear, despair filled him. "What was Sylvia Mullens' connection to the Judge?" he asked again, his voice hoarse with emotion. He struggled to hide the trembling of his body from the others.

"We found evidence of them communicatin' back when you were abducted." Matt said quietly. He hated hurting Nick like this. But Nick and the people protecting him needed to know how far the Judge would go to hurt Nick.

"We also found evidence that he initiated contact with her after you went back to Vegas – back to work. We believe…" his voice trailed off when he saw the shudder run through Nick's body. "Nick…"

"Just say it, Matt," Nick demanded in a whisper.

"We believe he was tryin' to convince her to make another attempt. We also believe he was behind the ransom demand. Ms. Willows acquirin' the money put a wrench in his plans. But he figured there was no way she could get another ransom together. We believe Ms. Mullens was resistant at first because she was in the clear – no one suspected her involvement."

What changed?" Grissom asked calmly.

"There was an appeal before the Texas Supreme Court at that time. It involved Ms. Mullens' brother." Matt stated. Billy shook his head.

Nick spoke without moving his arm from his face. "Do you know why Kelly killed her?"

"We have evidence of several exchanges of e-mails between Ms. Gordon and Jillian. Ms. Gordon was already obsessed with you. It was obvious from the tone of her e-mailed reports. All Jillian did was convince her you'd never be safe with Ms. Mullens alive."

"So she lied. She lied right to my face while she was dyin'. She told me she did it because Sylvia Mullens stole her father's estate. That the ransom was Sylvia's idea and when it fell through, Sylvia took the money from the estate and left her penniless. She lied straight to my face, and then she convulsed and died." Nick's voice trailed off and the others were frozen by the pain in it.

It was silent until Nick spoke again, his voice a whisper. "So, two women died because the Judge and Jillian were fightin' over me. Maybe it would've been better…"

"No," Brass interrupted forcefully. His hand went to Nick's arm that lay over his face. He gently but firmly moved it away and waited until Nick looked at him before continuing. "You know that's not true, Nick. Nothin' would've been better if you had died down there."

"So many people have died because of me," Nick whispered, tears welling in his eyes. "Was Warrick murdered because he was a danger to McKeen, or because the Judge wanted me alone? Maybe he died because of me, too?"

"No," this time it was Billy who spoke. "It wasn't any of _your_ choices that led to _any_ of those deaths. It was their choices; it was my parents' choices that caused all of this, not you."

"They were fightin' over _me_," Nick said, the tears silently sliding down his face.

"Nicky, you can't control what they fight about. You got caught in the middle. Billy's right – you can't take responsibility for their choices," Amanda gently wiped the tears from his face.

"Mandy, I'm so tired," Nick whispered. "I'm so sorry I almost broke my promise to you. I meant to tell you that when I was home after… But then they made that ultimatum and I couldn't…" Nick's voice trailed off and he started to turn his head away. "I'm so tired," he whispered again.

* * *

A/N: Rough times for Nick. But he does have support.


	43. Chapter 43

FF_3/26/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_I'm so tired," he whispered again._

Amanda gathered him into her arms again. She murmured reassurances into his ear, then looked at Matt and Billy. "Can you get Maria?" she asked, running calming hands through Nick's hair. "He's had enough. He needs to rest right now."

Billy nodded and left the room. Matt looked around at the others and suggested they move to the Waiting Room.

The man who'd arrived with Matt and Amanda stopped next to Nick before leaving the room. "Nick, I have to go back home," he said softly. "But let me know if there's _anythin'_ I can do for you. I mean it," he added when Nick opened his eyes and looked at him, "_Anythin'!_"

Nick just nodded and returned his head to Amanda's shoulder. He couldn't deal with anything else right now. It was too much. He just wanted to block everything out. Amanda began rocking him again and Nick just let the tears fall.

Nick didn't react when Amanda held him up so Maria could take her place. It wasn't until the door closed behind Amanda that Nick's broken sobs broke free. "M'ria, it's too much. I can't … I can't deal with it. How can he hate me so much? I thought he was my _father_. How could he do this to me?" His body shook with the force of his sobs.

"Shhh, Nick. Shhh, it's going to be ok." Maria rocked him gently. "He's _not_ your father. You have a father who loves you; a father who cared about you before he knew he was your father."

"I know," Nick looked up at her, so much pain in his eyes. "I _do_ know that. And I'm glad; I appreciate it so much. But it doesn't make what the Judge did to me right. It doesn't take away the questions. It doesn't stop all the pain he's inflicted on me. It hurts so bad. I don't know how to stop the pain." He was shaking as he continued. "I think the only way to stop it is to get the answers. But I'm not sure we'll ever know. So many people are dead."

Nick held on to Maria tightly. He was still shaking and the tears were still sliding down his face. He looked at Maria again and told her his biggest fear. "I don't know how I'll be able to go on if Warrick was killed because he was my friend," he whispered.

"Shhh, Nick, shhh … It doesn't matter why Warrick was killed," she whispered, rocking him like Amanda had. "It _wasn't_ your fault. I'm sure Warrick would agree with me. You are not responsible for Warrick's or McKeen's or the Judge's choices. You're only responsible for _your_ choices. And if you could choose, Warrick would be alive and well at your side. You loved him, we all know that."

Maria gently kissed his temple and let him hide his face in her shoulder again. She gently ran one hand through his hair, the other rubbed his back. She continued soothing him as he cried himself to sleep.

When Amanda walked into the Waiting Room, she immediately greeted Megan O'Rourke. "Megs," she gave her a big hug.

"Amanda," Megan hugged her back.

"You know Dr. O'Rourke?" Ashley asked her.

"Megan and I went to school together," Amanda said quietly. "It's one of the reasons Nick trusts her enough to talk to her."

"I didn't know you and Nick…" Ashley began.

"Nick didn't want anyone to know," Amanda interrupted. "And we had to be careful because the Judge could destroy Matt's career. Nick didn't let anyone know he was in contact with Billy, either."

"Yeah, but we were both there at home," Ashley said, a little hurt.

"And we were both petrified the Judge would find out and do somethin' like he did to Billy," Amanda said, hugging her sister. "At least you were allowed to be somewhat open about caring for him. Because I knew he was adopted, the Judge expected me to not give a damn about what happened to him." Both Billy and Ashley stared at Amanda in shock at the bitterness in her tone.

Amanda had tears in her eyes when she said, "He's _my_ brother, too. Just because I knew he was adopted…" her voice trailed off for a moment. "He never asked. He knew I had to know, but he _never_ put me in the middle." Matt came over and put his arms around his wife. She laid her head on his shoulder.

"Nick's the reason you didn't go away to college," Ashley realized.

"Nick's the reason I went into psychology, too," Amanda replied.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Hancock," Grissom broke in. "May I ask you a question?"

"Please, call me Amanda," she replied. "What do you want to know?"

"Nick said he was sorry he almost broke his promise to you. Do you mind my asking what promise that was?" Grissom wasn't expecting Amanda's eyes to fill before she turned into her husband's arms. "I'm sorry…" he said.

"No, I'm sorry," Amanda replied. "You just… you have no idea what you asked."

* * *

A/N: I know this is a little short. And I know I haven't updated recently. I've had some stuff get in the way. I'll do my best to continue, but updates will probably be a little slower. I'll try to make them better - :) to compensate! Please just bear with me.


	44. Chapter 44

FF_3/27/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: Have a hanky handy.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_No, I'm sorry," Amanda replied. "You just… you have no idea what you asked."_

"You don't have to…" Grissom began.

"No, I'll answer your question. But you won't like it." Amanda ran her hands through her hair. "You'll probably regret asking."

Silence filled the room. Amanda had the attention of everyone there: Nick's family and friends as well as the investigating team.

"Billy was away at boarding school. Ashley was too young to understand what was goin' on. But I was there and I saw what was happenin'. Mom didn't tell the Judge what she'd done until three months before Nick was born."

"She had Linda stayin' with us – actin' as Ashley and Lynnette's nanny. When… when Mom told the Judge why Linda was really there, our house became a war zone. Ashley and Lynnette were young enough that they were sheltered from it. But Leslie, Nancy and I learned real quick when to make ourselves scarce. They fought about it right up until the day Nick was born."

"It's not… it's not anythin' any of us has ever forgotten. When Nick was born, Mom told the Judge he had a choice: he could either get in the car or get out. When he just stared at her, she said if it made it easier to understand, he could either sign adoption papers or divorce papers."

Amanda took a deep breath. "Well, he finally went with her. And they brought Nick back with them. That didn't mean everythin' was smooth sailin' after that though. I don't think the Judge ever forgave her for makin' him choose."

"They constantly fought over Nick. It was…" Amanda wiped the tears from her eyes. "It was easier to just keep away from him so ya didn't get caught up in the feudin'," she whispered. "I felt so guilty about that after…"

Amanda took another deep breath and wiped her eyes again. "Nick always was quiet – the Judge would slap him down, usually verbally, whenever he got the least bit rowdy. But when he was nine, he got even quieter. I didn't know then what was goin' on." She looked up when Ashley spoke.

"Do you know what Jack Webster did?" Ashley asked quietly.

Amanda squeezed her sister's hand and closed her eyes. After a moment, she opened them and met Ashley's look. "Yeah, Nick… Nick gave me the general idea after he told Megan." Amanda's throat ached with her unshed tears. "He told her it was ok to discuss it with me. I don't think we ever did, though. I didn't want or need the details."

"Nick's room was right next to mine. I could hear him… I could hear him cryin' at night. For a long time I was too afraid to do anythin'. The Judge conducted bed checks and heaven help you if you weren't where you were supposed to be."

"Then one night, I just couldn't take it anymore." Amanda reached for Matt with one of her hands. He gently held it between both of his. The others quickly realized Amanda hadn't told anyone this before, not even Matt. "I waited until the Judge made his rounds, then fixed my pillows in my bed to look like me and slipped from my room to Nick's."

She stopped speaking and turned into her husband's arms for a moment. She was visibly trembling. "Amanda?" Matt asked softly.

Amanda looked up at him gratefully and gently touched his cheek. A small but steady stream of tears slid down her face. She took a deep breath before facing the group and continuing.

"I've always thanked God I finally did somethin' that night. Nick was ten. When I got into his room, his window was open and he was half-way out of it. I don't know how I knew what he was doin', maybe it was the expression on his face. I was almost runnin' when I moved to the window and grabbed him back into the room. He collapsed into my arms, cryin'. When I asked him what he was doin' he refused to tell me at first. Finally… finally he admitted he was gonna climb the roof to its highest point, then throw himself off." Amanda's tears continued their steady trickle. She'd cried most of her tears on this subject years ago. She ignored the gasps of shock and continued. "He didn't see an end to the pain. He was ten and he hurt so badly he wanted to die."

Amanda looked up at the others. The shock and pain on their faces saddened her. But she felt they needed the truth – the whole truth.

"The promise you asked me about Mr. Grissom? I asked Nick to promise me he wouldn't try to kill himself again. He was apologizin' because he… he almost… when he ran out of air…" Amanda couldn't continue.

"I had no idea," Grissom murmured, mostly to himself.

"I started babysittin' Nick as often as I could after that. Our closets backed each other. One Saturday everyone was gone but Nick and I. We used that day to cut a secret door in the closets between our rooms. That made it easier and safer for me to get to Nick."

"Y'all knew what the Judge was doin' to Nick. Momma knew. But I _saw_." Amanda couldn't stop the tears. "I saw his back after the Judge beat him. I saw his knees after he made Nick kneel and clean the floors. I held him when he cried. I saw the worst of it." She turned her face into Matt's shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

* * *


	45. Chapter 45

FF_5/14/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in so long. Real Life has intruded into my creative time. I'll try to finish this story off in a timely manner.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_She turned her face into Matt's shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her and held her close._

"If you saw all that, why didn't you contact CFS?" Catherine asked.

"I didn't know what was goin' on until after Billy was sent away." Amanda didn't try to hide her pain and guilt. "So I was afraid." She met Catherine's eyes. "But I tried. The Director of CFS was visitin' Momma one day. I told her I was doin' a paper and had some questions. I asked what they did when they got a complaint about someone who seemed above reproach. She told me those were the most difficult cases. But they were lucky there in Dallas. They were lucky because they had my father. They just called him in and he wouldn't rest until he got them to confess." Amanda looked up at the others. "CFS was lucky because my father was merciless to child abusers. So, how could I tell her he was one himself? She never would have believed me. I was helpless. All I could do was watch and try to comfort Nick."

"You saw the worst of it," Billy echoed.

"Yeah," Amanda replied.

"What was it?" Billy asked.

"What was what?" Amanda was confused.

"What was the worst of it?" Billy asked quietly, but insistently.

Amanda flinched. "That's not important," she said.

"Yeah, it is. If the Judge is behind this – if he's tryin' to kill Nick, his past conduct is important." It was Denny Dennison who spoke. "Y'all may know how the Judge treated Nick when he was a child, but the rest of us are operatin' in the dark. The boss, the Director of our Lab, Clyde Devereaux, he sent me here because he wanted to help protect Nick. He was our supervisor when Nick was in Dallas. So I'm not leavin' till I know Nick's safe. I think we need to know what the 'worst' was that you saw." He looked at Calleigh. "We also need to know how the Judge tried to kill Nick before."

"I can't discuss that," Calleigh said, upset. "Don't ask me that. I can't discuss it without talkin' to Nick first. I gave him my word."

"Is your word more important than Nick's life?" Brass asked quietly.

"You don't understand. I don't know,… I didn't see everythin' that happened."

Attention shifted from Calleigh when Maria walked into the room. "Nick's in surgery," she said in answer to the inquiring looks. "He'll be there several hours." She sank into one of the chairs and rubbed her eyes.

Brass came over and put his hand on Maria's shoulder. "How was he doing?" he asked gently.

"He was very upset," Maria admitted. "If the Judge had Warrick killed, Nick's going to be devastated."

"You need to get some rest, Maria," Megan O'Rourke said quietly.

"No, I need to know what's going on," Maria replied. "Nick's going to want, no _need_ to know what you're doing, where the investigation is going. What were you discussing when I came in?"

"We were discussin' Nick's relationship with Amanda," Billy said quietly.

"I know they are very close," Maria said, "and were even closer when they both lived at home." Maria could see she'd surprised most of the group.

"Nick talks to me, really talks. Feeling so comfortable talking is what made us so close." Maria spoke softly, looking at her hands. "We discussed everything from Jack Webster to Walter Gordon." She looked up for a moment, her eyes serious. "I probably know more about his life than anyone else here or anywhere. I know he tried to kill himself when he was ten. I know how badly he was beaten when he was eleven. And I know the Judge tried to kill him when he was sixteen. What I don't know is how that is involved in this latest assault."

Matt quickly explained how the Judge was involved with Sylvia Mullens and Craig Miller. He also explained the relationship between Kelly Gordon and Jillian Stokes.

"Amanda said she saw the worst of it. I want to know what that was, but she doesn't want to tell us." Billy said sullenly.

Maria looked at Amanda then turned back to Billy. "She doesn't want to tell _you_," she said gently.

"What?" Billy was getting angry.

"She's trying to protect you," Maria continued.

Billy just stared at her, his mouth opened slightly in shock.

"The worst happened the day the Judge found out you made it into the SEALs." Maria said gently.

Billy closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. Others in the room cursed, but Billy seemed beyond that. He just sat there unmoving for a long moment. Finally he slid his hands up and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. Billy looked up at Amanda and sorrowfully asked, "What was the worst, Amanda? I need to know." His voice was hoarse with fatigue and pain.

* * *

A/N: A little more history, before we move to the main resolution.


	46. Chapter 46

FF_5/14/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Billy looked up at Amanda and sorrowfully asked, "What was the worst, Amanda? I need to know." His voice was hoarse with fatigue and pain._

"Momma told us about it at supper," Amanda spoke softly and tears filled her eyes. "No one said anythin' for a moment then Nick smiled and said you'd always wanted to be a SEAL. When the Judge slammed his fork down, we both knew it was a mistake. Nick immediately apologized and stared down at his plate. I saw… I saw the fear in his eyes. The Judge told him he was finished with supper and to get out to the barn and do his chores. He hadn't had a chance to eat but a quarter of his meal, but he cleaned up his plate and moved toward the back door."

Amanda looked down at the floor, seeing the scene again in her memory. She laughed bitterly. "It wasn't enough that the Judge interrupted his meal and was gonna beat him, but _She_ had to get into it, too. Before Nick could get outside, she had to lecture him about wastin' food." Amanda laughed bitterly again and shook her head. "The rule was: if it was on your plate, it stayed there until you ate it. If you couldn't finish, you got the lecture about wastin' food. But this wasn't Nick's fault. He was still hungry. We all knew it – even Momma. She just couldn't resist interferin' with the Judge when he was correctin' Nick."

"Nick apologized again, but Momma wouldn't accept it. She told him that he was responsible for clearin' the table and washin' the dishes after he was finished with his chores in the barn. He shot me a look of despair before continuin' out to the barn. We both knew he wouldn't be in any condition to clean up the kitchen when the Judge was finished with him in the barn. But I couldn't say anythin'. I knew it wouldn't do any good. All I could do was wait and watch for an opportunity to help."

Amanda sighed and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her palms. "I finished supper. Momma wouldn't let me take care of my own dishes. So I went upstairs and tried to study while I waited. I got caught up and before I knew it, it was midnight. Nick still hadn't come in. I looked out the window and the doors to the barn were still closed. It scared the hell out of me." Amanda couldn't go on.

"What's the significance of the closed barn doors?" Grissom asked.

When Amanda didn't answer, Ashley spoke. "When Nick was smaller, the Judge caught some of the ranch hands helpin' him with his chores. After that, he instituted a new rule. Nick was supposed to close the doors on his way in. No one was allowed in until he opened the doors when he was finished, no one but the Judge. That also gave the Judge the privacy to beat Nick without witnesses. There's no way it ever took Nick until midnight to clean the stalls, though." Ashley looked at Amanda and raised her eyebrows.

Amanda shook her head then sighed before starting to speak again. "I hurried downstairs. I caught… I caught Nancy and Ash just finishin' the dishes and cleanin' the kitchen. They were afraid, too. No one had seen Nick since he'd left the supper table at 5:30. I told them to go to bed. It wouldn't do any good for all of us to get in trouble."

"I opened the door and slipped inside the barn. Nick… Nick looked up at me from the floor." Amanda paused and her tears began falling. "H was tryin'… tryin' to drag himself across the floor. He couldn't get to his feet – I could t-tell he was hurtin' so bad." Amanda closed her eyes, her tears streaming, seeing it all again. "I rushed over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He flinched and cried out. I… I j-jerked my hand away. I could see the p-pain in his eyes. He started apologizin'. His voice was a whisper. He… he wouldn't stop apologizin'. He w-wanted me to leave him there. He didn't want the Judge to find me there. He didn't think he could m-make it back to the house, and he didn't want me to get in trouble for helpin' him."

Amanda took a deep breath and wiped her cheeks, but her tears continued to fall. "We both knew how much trouble he'd be in if he wasn't in bed in the mornin'. Nick'd managed to get all but one of the stalls cleaned before the Judge came out. I got a saddle blanket, wrapped it around him and carried Nick to some clean straw and made him as comfortable as I could. He moaned the whole time I was carryin' him. I cleaned the last stall as quick as I could. Then I went to pick him up again. But Nick refused to let me carry him. He did let me help him up and support him across to the house. Like when I carried him, he moaned the whole time."

* * *

A/N: To make up for my absence, I'll post two for the price of one! :)


	47. Chapter 47

FF_5/14/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

A/N: The end of the worst.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_But Nick refused to let me carry him. He did let me help him up and support him across to the house. Like when I carried him, he moaned the whole time."_

"I helped him get his pj's on when we finally got to his room. He… he c-couldn't s-sit, so I helped him get his shirt off while he was standin' up. His back was bright red and I could see some of the welts. The Judge made sure he didn't break the skin, though. When I helped him get his pj shirt on, I saw the bruises on his chest and stomach. It looked like he'd been kicked."

Amanda wiped her eyes again. "Every time I t-touched him, he flinched and moaned. I steadied him while he pulled off his jeans. I could see… I saw that the backs of his legs were in the same condition as his back. I held him up while he pulled on his pj pants, then helped him lie down. He c-couldn't lay on his b-back or his stomach. I'd never seen him in so much pain. I wanted to ask what happened, but Nick insisted I get to bed. He was still concerned about me getting' in trouble."

There was silence in the room while Amanda wiped her eyes again. "In the mornin' the Judge was late comin' down. I didn't dare stop, because he was in Nick's room. When he did come down, he announced that Nick had mono. He called Nick's school and told them Nick wouldn't bee in for a week."

Amanda looked at Ashley. "We all knew what it meant when the Judge called Nick in sick. He didn't want anyone to see the evidence of what he'd done to him. The most he'd ever kept Nick home before was only one day, though. The week meant he knew how badly he'd hurt him this time."

"I offered to watch Nick after my test that mornin'. The Judge knew I had a test and there was no way he'd let me miss it just to take care of Nick." Amanda's voice was full of bitterness again. "The Judge nodded his permission and said he'd leave Nick some water for while I was gone. I knew he really wanted to warn Nick not to tell anyone what happened. I left for my class, knowin' Nick was on his own until I got home."

"Why didn't you wait for the Judge to leave and just stay home?" Sara asked.

"There's no way the Judge would leave until after I did. And my instructor would tell him if I missed my test," Amanda replied. She didn't try to control the bitterness when she continued. "Nick wasn't the only one he tried to control. So I had to go. I came home right afterward, though."

"N-Nick was alone when I got back home. I was g-glad the Judge hadn't stayed with him and yet… and yet…" Amanda faltered for a moment. Maria went over to her and put her arm around Amanda's shoulders. She gently guided Nick's sister to a seat, murmuring soothingly all the way. She gently patted Amanda's hand and encouraged her to continue.

"When I g-got up to his room, Nick was r-reachin' for the water the Judge had left. The Judge… he left the water just out of Nick's reach. I swore then and there that that man was not my father and I'd never call him that again." Amanda practically spat out the last part. She fought to push back her hate and rage. "He did it on purpose," she whispered. "He p-put the water out of Nick's reach on purpose."

No one spoke; they were getting used to hearing about the Judge's little cruelties. "I put everything down and rushed to help Nick with the water. I stayed with him the rest of the week."

"That's the week Nick met the Tucker twins," Maria said quietly. She smiled when all eyes shot to her. "Mike volunteered to bring Nick his homework. They knew each other casually before that, since they were in the same class, but that's when they became best friends."

"Nick knew Mike Tucker in Texas?" Vega asked.

"Nicks' the reason Mike became a cop," Pat Tucker said as he walked into the Waiting Room. "You don't really think it was a coincidence that I ended up a SEAL in Billy's team and Mike a copy, first in Dallas, then Las Vegas?" Pat shook his head, smiling faintly. "It was all part of Mike's plan."

"Mike's plan?" Vartann asked.

"Mike's plan to watch over Nick," Pat replied. "You have no idea how much of an impact Nick had on Mike." He sighed. "When the teacher asked who lived near Nick and could take him his homework, Mike's hand shot up. He'd been wantin' to hang with Nick, but Nick really didn't hang with anyone. So he thought this was the perfect chance."

Pat inclined his head to Ashley. "When we got to the house, Ashley told us to go right up, that Amanda was with Nick. I guess we were pretty quiet goin' up the stairs. We could hear Nick and Amanda talkin'. Nick was… he was tellin' Amanda that it hurt… that everythin' hurt, but it was worse when he moved. Amanda told him he nee4ded to keep movin' though. That it'd be even worse if he stayed still. She told him she knew it hurt, but the best way to get through it was to do as much as he could. Mike and I were frozen on the stairs. We both just stared at each other, realizin' that Nick didn't really have mono. Mike waved me back and we slipped back down the steps as quietly as we could. Then we headed back up noisily, talkin' about the homework we had for Nick."

Amanda was waitin' for us at the top of the stairs this time. Mike asked if we could see Nick. Amanda… Amanda told us he was contagious. That didn't faze Mike. He was relentless when he had a goal. So he asked if we could say hi from the doorway. Amanda looked uncertain. She started to say she didn't' think that was a good idea. But Nick interrupted her. He asked her to let us see him. Nick and Mike just seemed to connect from that moment on. The three of us became inseparable."

Pat paused. There were tears in his eyes. "We saw a lot. We never talked about it with Nick, but it was the reason Mike became a cop. He wanted to be able to stop people like the Judge. So if his death can bring the Judge down, Mike will rest easy."

* * *

A/N: We'll get back to the present for the next chapter. :) Please review.


	48. Chapter 48

FF_7/4/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Pat paused. There were tears in his eyes. "We saw a lot. We never talked about it with Nick, but it was the reason Mike became a cop. He wanted to be able to stop people like the Judge. So if his death can bring the Judge down, Mike will rest easy."_

Nick felt the pain before he opened his eyes. He knew he'd had surgery, but he didn't understand why the pain was so bad. He started to speak, but the tube in his throat prevented it. He steadily forced his eyelids up, blinking when he finally got them open.

Nick froze when he saw who was standing next to his bed. Angie Riker smiled down at him when she saw he was awake. The scalpel in her hand glinted as she raised it to Nick's chest. Nick tried to cry out, but the tube down his throat muffled it. He tried to raise his arms to defend himself, but she'd restrained him again.

The pain in his legs was sapping his strength. Nick's eyes moved to Nurse Riker's face as she cut into his chest. He screamed in pain, but only a wheeze could be heard. His eyes filled with tears of agony and he struggled against the restraints with what little strength he had. It was useless.

Nick screamed when she cut into him again, but a wheeze was still all that made it past the tube. His throat was burning with the strain. Nick looked around desperately, looking for something – anything to help him.

When he saw Pat Tucker in the doorway, his right hand started drumming against the rail of his bed. He saw Pat meet his eyes and he looked at his hand. When he looked back at Pat, he saw Pat's gaze had followed his. He watched as Pat backed out the door, satisfied his message had gotten across.

Nick screamed again as the scalpel cut into his chest a third time. His throat was on fire, his legs throbbing, his chest fiery with pain. His eyes were streaming with tears of pain. He struggled to blink them away as he followed his IV tubing to the pump. It was turned off.

Nick silently begged Pat to hurry as he screamed again. Angie Riker continued to cut him.

"Craig wants you to die screamin' and beggin'," she hissed at him.

"He won't get his wish if we have anythin' to say about it," Calleigh's voice came from behind Riker.

Angie Riker reached toward Nick with the scalpel one more time. Calleigh grabbed her free hand while Pat Tucker grabbed the scalpel. Between them, they kept the nurse from cutting Nick again.

Nick closed his eyes and sighed with relief. He couldn't stop the tears of pain, though. He panted against the agony.

"Nick?" he heard Pat ask gently.

Nick forced his eyes open. He was moaning with pain. He met Pat's eyes, then moved them to the IV pump. Pat again followed his gaze. Nick heard him curse when he saw that the pump had been shut off.

"We need some help, here," Calleigh called to the nurses, as she cuffed Riker.

A nurse rushed over. Seeing the problem immediately, she called for a new pump and IV. Dr. Jenkins came in to check on Nick and saw all the activity. Quickly getting answers, he got the new IV started and pain medicine re-dispensed. He also administered a shot for immediate relief.

Dr. Jenkins monitored Nick for several minutes before asking if he wanted the tube out of his throat. When Nick nodded, he quietly began to prepare. The tube was quickly removed and Nick sighed in relief. His throat was still on fire, but the pain medication was pushing it away.

Nick reached out to Pat and whispered, "Thanks," before letting the medication drag him down into unconsciousness.

When he woke again, it was to much less pain. But it was still an effort to open his eyes. When he did, it was to meet the concerned gazes of both Maria and Brass.

"Damn, Nicky," Brass exclaimed softly when he saw Nick was awake. "Do I need to go everywhere with ya? You're the only person I know who can get in trouble in the Surgical Recovery Room."

Nick grinned and shook his head. His grin died and he looked seriously at Brass. "What's goin' on?" he whispered.

Brass examined Nick's face. He wasn't sure Nick was well enough to get into all the complexities of what was happening at this time.

"I'm fine," Nick whispered. "Really, Jim. My throat's sore, but I'm ok."

Finally Brass nodded. "We took Nurse Riker into custody. Angela Riker is her real name. She has no prior offenses." He met Nick's gaze. "It appears that she was Craig Miller's pen pal while he was in jail. She's not giving us anything, though."

Nick nodded. He looked up, startled, when Bob Casey rushed into the room.

"Brass, I got news from the prison," the words tumbled from the lieutenant's mouth.

Brass looked at Nick, wondering if he could convince him to let the others deal with it now. Nick could be filled in later. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy. It never was with Nick.

* * *


	49. Chapter 49

FF_7/6/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Brass looked at Nick, wondering if he could convince him to let the others deal with it now. Nick could be filled in later. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy. It never was with Nick._

Nick studied Casey as he stood frozen, shocked that Nick was awake. Before anyone else could say anything, Nick spoke softly. "Nigel killed them both, didn't he: he killed Jeff McKeen and Jack Willman?" When Casey just stared at him, he continued, "Did he kill himself, too?"

Slowly Casey nodded. Nick could tell he found it unbelievable that Nick had figured out what had happened. His next words confirmed it. "How did you…?" Casey's voice trailed off when Nick shrugged.

"I've just gotten to know how he reacts, I guess," Nick said. "He must have found out that they weren't gonna give up tryin' to kill me. Or it could be Nigel found out who Craig Miller was. That's probably more likely. I don't think it'd be too hard for Nigel to find out what Craig'd threatened me with."

"So why'd he kill himself?" Brass asked, curiously.

"Because he knew he'd never get out, now. Those two murders ensured he'd never be released from prison." Nick looked thoughtful. "Maybe he thought by takin' them out, Craig would lose his support and give up."

Casey looked at Brass. "Did you get anything from the nurse?" he asked.

"No," Brass admitted. "She asked for a lawyer and refused to answer any questions. Denny found out that she corresponded with Miller while he was in prison. That's really all we got. We caught her red-handed, though. The case against her is air-tight."

He looked over at Nick. "Brad Longley also found the camera in the collapsed building," he said quietly.

"Was it intact?" Nick asked, his hoarse whisper still expressing his excitement.

"Not completely," Brass said, "but Archie's working on it now. Hopefully it'll give us Craig Miller."

"They were masked when they killed Tuck and… and hurt me," Nick said quietly. The water Maria had given him was soothing his sore throat. Soothing his memories of the torture he'd experienced wouldn't be so easy.

"Archie's trying to match his voice from the building to the original tape Denny brought," Greg said as he, Catherine, Grissom and Ecklie came in.

Catherine moved to the bed and kissed Nick on the cheek. "How are you feeling, Nicky?" she asked.

"Better," Nick admitted. "I wish… I wish it was all over, though." He closed his eyes for a moment. "It won't be over until Craig's back in custody and the Judge is dealt with." He opened his eyes when the door to his room opened again.

The rest of the investigating team: Calleigh, Billy, Vega, Vartann, Denny and Matt filed in.

"So what's the news you had to get to Brass so quickly you couldn't stop to tell us?" Ecklie asked Casey.

"Nigel Crane killed McKeen and Willman, then himself," Nick answered for the IAB lieutenant. The others were stunned. No one spoke for a moment. Then Nick cleared his throat.

Before he could begin, Matt's cell phone rang. He quickly excused himself and moved to the corner of the room to take the call.

Nick cleared his throat again. But before he could speak, Calleigh asked if he was ok.

"Yeah," Nick answered hoarsely. He looked uncomfortable though, admitting, "It's just that screamin' with that tube in really irritated my throat." He looked around. He started to ask again if there were any more breaks in the case, but Matt's heated conversation on his cell phone distracted him.

Matt let out a soft but heart-felt curse as he closed his phone and turned back to the group. His face didn't show it but his heart fell when he saw Nick looking at him expectantly. He had no reprieve.

Matt cleared his throat nervously, "That was the Governor's secretary," he said. His eyes met Nick's. They shared a long look. Matt watched the expression in Nick's eyes change as he realized the news wasn't the best. He slowly continued, "Judge Stokes came to them and proposed a deal. He'd resign/ retire if the investigation into him was dropped. They consulted with the Bar Association and decided it was in the best interests of the state of Texas if they agreed to the deal. It becomes official tomorrow."

"But what about Nick?" it was Billy who recovered from the shock first. "What about what he's done to Nick?"

"If you can find solid evidence that he was involved in the conspiracy against Nick, then we can go after him. But you've already lost three of the four major conspirators," Matt replied solemnly.

"What about the phone calls?" Calleigh asked.

"The phone calls started well before the conspiracy did. They can't be used to implicate the Judge." Matt faced the shock and disbelief on the others' faces squarely. "I'm sorry. I know how you feel. But…" Matt stopped the rationalization, knowing it wasn't something the others were willing to hear right now.

Nick evidently felt differently. "But if they were to continue the investigation, it could call into question every case the Judge has ever had a hand in. That's almost fifty years worth of cases. Most of those cases probably had the correct legal result." He watched the others start to object on his behalf.

"Don't," he said gently. "Let it go."

"It's not fair," Billy said quietly.

"If life was fair, he'd never have hit me in the first place," Nick responded, just as quietly. "It's not fair to the victims to question all those old cases now, either. So what weighs more, my case, or the hundreds he's touched in his career?"

"You deserve better," this time it was Catherine who spoke.

"All I want is for him to leave me alone." Nick looked down to where his hand was joined with Maria's. "If he leaves me and the people I care about alone, then I'll be ok with the situation."

"How can you be happy with that?" Greg burst out.

"I didn't say I'd be happy, Greg," Nick pointed out. "But really… I never expected him to answer for what he did to me." Nick closed his eyes and leaned his head back against his pillows.

* * *


	50. Chapter 50

FF_992224_7/25/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_I didn't say I'd be happy, Greg," Nick pointed out. "But really… I never expected him to answer for what he did to me." Nick closed his eyes and leaned his head back against his pillows._

"Nick," It was Denny who spoke next.

"Yeah," Nick answered without opening his eyes.

"Do you really think he'll leave ya alone?" Denny asked.

Nick still didn't open his eyes. He took a deep breath and let it out, slowly and quietly. "I don't know," he finally admitted. "I just don't know."

"Nicky," it was Brass who met Denny's gaze and took up the delicate subject. "Nicky, why did he try to kill you before?" Brass looked at Calleigh then back at Nick.

Nick didn't move or change expression, but his whole body tensed. He'd deliberately not talked about it before. He still didn't want to talk about it. And yet, he could see their reasoning: knowing what set him off before might give them insight into whether he'd come after Nick again.

Nick sighed. His hand tightened on Maria's. It was her face filled with love and concern that he saw first when he finally opened his eyes.

"Do you want me to tell them?" she asked gently.

Nick smiled at her. He let his hand slip from hers and reached up to gently caress her cheek. "No, but thanks for the offer, darlin'."

Maria smiled back and turned her head to kiss his palm. Nick gently traced her soft lips with his thumb, absorbing as much of her love and tenderness as he could before closing his eyes again.

He sighed again and his hand fell back to the bed. Maria just silently gathered it into her loving grasp. She held on firmly, letting Nick know he had her support. She knew this wasn't going to be easy for him.

"I was sixteen," Nick began. '_Just stick to the facts,_' he thought to himself. '_You can handle that, can't you?_' Still Nick refused to open his eyes. Remembering all these horrible memories was taking a toll on him. He wanted the past to stay in the past.

"I was sixteen," Nick began again, his voice hoarser. "It was summer and Calleigh and her family were visitin'." Nick tightened his fingers around Maria's. "The Judge had had a bad day."

Nick failed to control the bitterness in his voice as he continued. "Unfortunately, I usually paid for his bad days." Nick heard the bitterness in his voice and stopped for a moment, fighting to control his emotions. He wanted to just curl up in Maria's arms and hide from all their questions. But Nick knew hiding wasn't an option for him. So he just squeezed Maria's hand and prepared to take up his story again.

"When we had guests, the Judge would take me into the loft in the barn for privacy. And I guess that day I got cocky. He hadn't hit me for two years. So while I stood there listenin' to him rant and rave about his hard day – tryin' to convict a child abuser, all I could think about was his hypocrisy. He kept goin' on and on about how this man hit his daughter at least once a week." Nick paused.

"And finally I couldn't take it anymore. I asked him how he could be so hypocritical. It was like settin' a lit match to gasoline. He exploded. He started yellin' that I was the last one who could criticize him. I was worthless. I was useless. And after each sentence he shoved me backwards."

Nick stopped. He was shaking. The fear he'd felt was sitting in a ball in his stomach. Nick kept his eyes closed, holding the tears inside. He jerked when Maria ran her free hand through his hair. Then he reached out and pulled her hand to his cheek, burying his face against it, holding back his sobs with effort. After a few minutes, Nick's shaking eased and he cleared his throat self-consciously.

His voice was a hoarse whisper as he continued. "I guess we both realized where I was at the same time. We both looked down at my feet on the edge of the loft, and then back at each other." Nick knew what came next would horrify his friends and he braced himself before going on. "The Judge said, 'I hope you die,' then shoved me over the edge." Silence filled the room as Nick's friends and colleagues tried to come to grips with what'd happened to him twenty-one years before.

Brass felt nauseous. He didn't understand how anyone could cold-bloodedly hurt a child like that. He didn't understand how anyone could hurt _Nick_ like that. Whatever he'd expected, it hadn't been that deliberate cruelty.

Bob Casey quietly examined Nick's face. He'd been watching him since he'd figured out what Nigel Crane had done. His respect for the CSI just kept growing. Whatever came his way, he faced it and did his best to overcome it. Still watching Nick, he quietly contemplated what kind of person could so coldly hurt a child.

Greg cursed softly under his breath. He didn't understand how Nick could be so normal with everything he'd suffered growing up. He was glad his friend had had the help of good friends along the way. He made a promise to himself that Nick would continue to have that kind of help and support from him.

Catherine let her tears fall. They might not be professional, but she hurt for all Nick's pain. Nick had been there for her with Eddie and she decided then and there that nothing would keep her from being there for him.

Grissom quietly thought about the Judge's reactions. The Judge was able to control and focus his rage. Grissom knew Nick wasn't finished. He had an idea that whatever came next would just provide more evidence of the Judge's focus. It wouldn't pay to underestimate Judge Stokes. "I hope you appreciate in hindsight that that was the wrong thing to say," he murmured to Nick. Nick snorted and everyone else in the room, including Ecklie, just glared at Grissom. He shrugged in incomprehension and stayed silent.

Ecklie shook his head. What Nick was describing was hard to believe. And yet Ecklie realized he wasn't surprised. He shook his head again at Grissom's words. Even _he _had more empathy for Nick than that.

Calleigh sat there, her face in her hands. She was fighting back the horror and nausea connected to the memories Nick was bringing back. She blinked back her tears when Catherine put a hand on her shoulder in support.

Billy was sick, just sick at heart. He wanted to just walk away and not hear any more. And yet, if Nick had survived it, shouldn't he be able to listen to it? Billy was glad he didn't know all Nick had suffered before he'd stopped in Dallas. Knowing what he knew now, he'd have had no qualms with fighting back when his father struck him.

Vega looked quietly at Nick. He'd seen and heard of Nick going through some truly horrific things as a CSI. He was deeply shocked that his friend and colleague had suffered so much as a child and young man as well. His thoughts turned to the kind of perpetrator who'd do what Nick was describing. He was much more comfortable concentrating on Judge Stokes and what he'd do now than focusing on Nick.

Vartann focused on Nick. Lots of wild rumors were flying around the station regarding Nick and his situation. He was in a position to know what was true and what wasn't. Alex knew he'd never betray that trust. He had no problem believing that Nick had influenced Mike Tucker enough to become a cop. He felt he owed Tucker now. And he'd pay his debt by doing his best to protect Nick Stokes as Tucker had. It was the least he could do.

Denny Dennison flinched, hearing about the Judge's malice. He'd come to Las Vegas to help protect Nick. But he couldn't protect him from his past. He was deeply disappointed in the end of the investigation into the Judge. And no matter how badly he wanted to stay until Nick was safe, he knew it wasn't likely he'd be able to. He heaved a frustrated sigh and held on to his hope that he could have a hand in ending Nick's danger.

Matt was looking out the window, his fists clenched in frustration. He'd never felt so powerless. There was nothing he could do to make the Judge pay for what he'd done – nothing! The Governor's Office had tied his hands on the Judge's recent crimes. And the statute of limitations had run out on the crimes he'd committed against Nick as a child. Matt clenched his fists harder and grimly held back his tears of frustration and anger.

* * *

A/N: Please review.


	51. Chapter 51

FF_992224_9/22/2009

A/N: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Matt clenched his fists harder and grimly held back his tears of frustration and anger._

Maria could feel Nick shaking. She wanted to end this now. She knew the story already, so she knew Nick's pain and fear weren't over. But she also knew Nick would be the first to protest if she said he wasn't strong enough to continue. She ran her hand through his hair again, silently hoping to soothe his pain and remind Nick that he wasn't alone anymore.

"I'd been workin' out a lot with the SEALs," Nick said hoarsely. "I think – no, I _know_ that saved my life. I don't know how I did it, when I was fallin' backwards like that, but somehow I managed to grab on to the edge of the loft with my left hand." Nick paused, still shaking badly. His voice was almost inaudible when he continued. "I think I…" he cleared his throat and tried again. "I think I screamed when my weight hit after my arm was fully extended. I didn't realize it then, but I dislocated my shoulder. I swung back and forth a few times, too stunned to try to grab the loft with my right hand. By the time I was thinkin' again, the Judge was there."

Nick paused again, his hand pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing his eyes, fighting to stay composed. They could all see him shaking.

"At first I thought…" Nick kept his hand over his eyes, trying to hide the tears he could no longer hold back. "I thought he'd just step on my fingers. But then he knelt next to me and for a split second… I thought… I thought he was gonna help me. He just stared at me for a couple seconds though, with no expression on his face. Then he pried my first and pinky fingers up. He knelt there and watched while I clawed at the edge, tryin' to hold on."

Nick fought to breathe around the memories of pain and terror. He couldn't stop his shaking or his tears. He pulled in another deep breath. "I couldn't… I couldn't hold on. I fell backwards. I knew if I wanted a chance to survive, I'd have to remember what the SEALs taught me. When my feet hit the ground, I collapsed and rolled backwards. I ended up on my stomach."

"I was stunned, but I didn't lose consciousness. By the time I opened my eyes, the Judge was standing there looking down at me. His face was still blank. When he saw that my eyes were open, he kicked me: once, twice, three times." Nick wasn't prepared for the curses at that revelation. He jerked and pulled his hand from his eyes. Seeing the shock, horror and nausea on all the faces staring at him, Nick covered his eyes again.

Nick took a deep breath and tried to ignore all the eyes he knew were watching him. He took another breath, but it wasn't helping. Nick took a third breath and held it, rubbing his eyes. He slowly let the air out then jumped when someone tentatively rubbed his left arm. When he moved his hand and opened his eyes, his gaze met Calleigh's tear-filled one. Something unspoken passed between them, then Nick closed his eyes and put his hand over them again.

Nick thought back to that day. He'd been laying face-down on the ground. The Judge was standing over him, kicking him. Suddenly Nick's breath hitched and he moaned, "No… no… I didn't _want_ to remember that." He pulled both his hands to his face and covered his expression of terror and anguish. He curled into a ball, rocking back-and-forth, moaning, "No," over and over.

Everyone was stunned. Maria reached for Nick, but he shrank away from her. She looked around at all the concerned face. Moving quickly, Maria picked up the phone and asked to have Dr. O'Rourke paged to Mr. Stokes' room. They all waited tensely. All eyes flew to the door when Megan O'Rourke came in.

"What happened?" Megan asked, calmly.

"Nick was telling us about when the Judge tried to kill him when he was sixteen," it was Maria who replied softly. "He got to when the Judge was kicking him on the ground and several people cursed. That startled him for a moment. When he concentrated on his memories again, he must have remembered something he hadn't before." Maria paused and sighed. She closed her eyes for a moment before continuing. "All of a sudden, he started moaning 'No'. He said he didn't _want_ to remember that. Then he covered his eyes and started rocking, moaning 'No' over and over."

Megan switched places with Maria. "Nick," she said softly, "Nick, it's Megan."

"No," Nick moaned softly.

"Nick, I need you to anchor yourself," Megan replied firmly. "You need to calm down. Put your hands down and tell me five things you can see."

"No," Nick moaned again.

"Nick, do you trust me?" Megan was insistent that Nick respond.

For a moment, it didn't seem like he would. He continued to rock, his hands to his face. But finally, Nick whispered, "Yes."

"Then tell me five things you can see," Megan insisted.

Nick slowly lowered his hands, but kept his head bowed. His face was wet with tears. He was shaking as he whispered, "the blanket, the sheet, my hands, the bed rail, the floor." He refused to look up, but his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"And five things you can feel?" Megan asked.

Though Nick answered, his cheeks stayed flushed and his head stayed bowed.

"Now five things you can hear," Megan continued.

Again Nick replied, ending his list with, "some mean doctor, asking silly questions." Some of the tension had left his body and his desperate rocking slowed. But he still refused to raise his head and his cheeks stayed flushed.

"Nick," Megan said softly, "Nick, look at me."

It took almost a full minute, but Nick slowly raised his head and met her gaze. The others were silenced by the pain in his eyes.

"What happened, Nick?" Megan asked gently. "What did you remember that freaked you out?"

* * *

A/N: I know I haven't posted in a while, but I am determined to finish this story. So please hang with me! :)


	52. Chapter 52

FF_992224_9/22/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_What happened, Nick?" Megan asked gently. "What did you remember that freaked you out?"_

It took a while for Nick to reply. "I remembered everything he said," he whispered.

"Is it more than you told me?" Megan asked.

Nick nodded mutely.

"Have you told anyone about this?" was Megan's next question.

Nick shook his head. He met Megan's eyes again. "_I_ didn't even remember it. I… I-I think I _deliberately_ forgot it. I didn't… I don't _want_ to remember this." Nick bowed his head again. "But now it keeps echoing in my head. And I can't get it to stop. I _need_ it to stop."

"Will you tell us?" Megan reached out and touched Nick's arm for just a second in reassurance.

"Do you think saying it out loud will keep it from repeating over and over in my head?" Nick whispered tearfully.

"I don't know," Megan answered. "But I _do_ know that refusing to share it will not help it go away."

Nick nodded slowly, as if Megan's words just confirmed his own thoughts. "I was on the ground. He kicked me three times before he started talking." Nick was staring at his shaking hands while he spoke.

"He said, "You're not _my_ son. I don't know whose son you are and I don't care. I bought you as a baby. I _own_ you. And as long as I have a piece of paper that gives you my name, I'll have two things from you: loyalty and obedience. Loyalty means you'll _never_ speak of what happens between us. If you ever do, I'll make what Jack Webster did to you seem like a picnic."

Nick ignored the gasps of shock and outrage. He was reliving the horror. It was as if he was back there, hearing it again. "He was kickin' me with every sentence. He said, 'Obedience means you'll do _what_ I say, _when_ I say, and _how_ I say. I will tolerate no arguments, no backtalk and no dissention; not even any discussion.'" Nick's body jerked as he relived the kicks the Judge unleashed for emphasis. "'If you ever tell anyone _anythin'_ about this, I will make you watch me kill them; and then I'll kill you with my bare hands.' Then he kicked me again and walked away." Nick just lay there, frozen, the pain he felt now masquerading as the pain he felt then.

Megan was concerned. She didn't like the way Nick was reacting – as if he was still in that barn. Before she could speak, though, Calleigh did. "Nicky! Oh god, Nicky! I'm here; you're gonna be ok. I promise you're gonna be ok."

Megan didn't know if that's what Calleigh said in the barn, but it must have been close enough because Nick responded to it. "Cal-leigh," he whispered, "Hurts."

"I'm here," Calleigh couldn't stop the tears. She was reliving her memories as well. "I'll help you."

"Don't tell, Cal-leigh," Nick whispered, raising his head. "Promise me, don't ever tell."

"But he kicked you," Calleigh responded. "He hurt you."

What Nick said next sank into the others in the room like a knife. It wasn't what he said, they'd heard the words before; but how he said it and the expression on his face that impacted them so deeply. His harsh, low whisper, along with the pain and terror on his face emphasized the horror in the words he spoke. "You cannot imagine the levels of violence he's capable of." Nick looked at Calleigh and repeated. "Promise me, don't ever tell."

"I promise," Calleigh whispered. She gently touched Nick's right shoulder.

The others in the room were silent, shocked by the deeply traumatic events recounted by their friend and colleague. No one knew what to say, how to react. Megan looked at Nick, seriously concerned. She knew she needed to see if Nick would respond to her; to see how badly he'd been hurt by the recovered memory.

"Nick?" Megan's voice was gentle, quiet. The room was enveloped in silence for the long moment Megan waited for an answer. "Nick?" she questioned again, her concern evident in her soft words.

Nick looked up at her, his eyes filled with tears. "He told me then," Nick whispered. "He _told_ me I wasn't his son. But I blocked it out. I didn't want to know. Why would I block it out?"

"Nick," Megan said quietly and calmly. "You'd just been through a major trauma. You weren't thinking clearly. You had all you could do to survive the realization that your father would try to kill you. There was no way you could deal with him not being your father at the same time."

Nick nodded, slowly. His eyes met Maria's for a brief moment before they moved back to his shaking hands. He couldn't stop the shaking. His whole body was shaking with reaction as well as remembered terror and pain. Nick stared at his shaking hands, knowing he needed to accept what'd happened before he'd be able to calm down.

Maria couldn't see Nick's pain and not react. She moved carefully around Megan to his side. A gentle hand through his hair to let him know she was there, then her hands gently held and supported Nick's shaking ones.

Silence fell in the room. Nick's friends and colleagues were content to wait and let him come to grips with the devastating memory at his own pace. It was nearly a half an hour later before the silence was broken by the ringing of a cell phone.

Grissom moved quickly to silence the seemingly over-loud ringing. "Grissom," he muttered quietly, turning away from the silent group. The silence enabled everyone to hear his entire conversation even though he kept his voice soft in an effort to avoid disturbing Nick. "Yeah, he's here. I'll let him know so he can update the APB. Good work, Archie. Yeah, let me know if you find anything else."

Grissom closed his phone and turned to Brass. "Archie has a positive match on Craig Miller: footage from Nick's assault and Tucker's murder to the tape from his trial. The DA's gotten an arrest warrant for kidnapping, assault and murder. Now we just need to find him."

Brass nodded and got on his phone quietly to update the APB.

Grissom checked on Nick and found him watching him quietly. Grissom swallowed nervously, then continued. "Archie found some other files saved in the camera's memory. He's checking into them now."

Nick nodded without speaking. His face showed his exhaustion.

"Maybe one of those files will tell us who-all was involved in the attempt on Nick," Denny said quietly.

"Hopefully, it'll give us evidence against the Judge," Matt muttered.

"Do you really think he was involved?" Nick flinched when he met Matt's surprised eyes.

"Don't you, Nick?" It was Billy who got the question out first.

"I don't know what to believe anymore," Nick whispered, clenching his hands tightly together. Before he could say any more, there was a disturbance outside the room.

* * *

A/N: Not as long a wait, this time. I'm trying to finish this story. I've decided that some things will have to be resolved in a sequel. Please keep reading and reviewing. Thanks! :)


	53. Chapter 53

FF_992224_10/4/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

"_I don't know what to believe anymore," Nick whispered, clenching his hands tightly together. Before he could say any more, there was a disturbance outside the room._

"I just want to talk to him," insisted the one voice.

"There's no way in _hell _I'm lettin' _you_ in there with Nick!" It was Pat Tucker not quite shouting in response. "You've done enough!"

"If y'all could _prove_ I've done anythin'," replied the visitor, "I'd be in jail now. It's not your call. Let Nick know I'm here."

"No," Pat seethed, "and there's no way you can make me."

The situation outside the hospital room quickly deteriorated into a stalemate with the first voice's angry insistence of "Well, _I'm_ not leavin' till I've spoken with Nick. And since you've no proof I've done anythin' wrong, there's no _legal_ way y'all can make me go."

Inside the room, both Billy and Calleigh had paled when they recognized the voice of the visitor. Billy moved between Nick and the door, glancing back and forth, ready to defend his brother from the intruder. Calleigh shrank back and her hands plucked at Nick's left arm, almost as if she was seeking his protection from that same visitor.

Brass moved next to Billy. "That's the Judge out there." It wasn't a question, but Matt answered it anyway.

"Yeah, that's the Judge," he frowned toward Nick. "And he's right – we have no proof he's done anythin' illegal."

Nick lay there silently, his eyes closed. He fought to keep the tears from sliding down his face, but he couldn't. He was so tired. But he knew the Judge wouldn't just go away quietly, though. Maybe after what he'd so recently remembered, Nick should be afraid of him – but for some reason he wasn't.

What he was, was tired: tired of the pain, the fear, and the drama that always seemed to follow the Judge around like a shadow. Thinking about it was making him irritable. He saw the looks the others kept shooting at him – the looks that said they were just waiting for him to fall apart. Those looks were transforming his irritation into true anger. Nick knew he wasn't going to get any rest until he dealt with the Judge.

So what he said next shocked the heck out of everyone else, but seemed perfectly reasonable to Nick. "Let him in," he said quietly.

Nick sat silently through the uproar that followed his words. He looked down at his still shaking hands and waited until the others got it out of their systems. When the room was silent again, Nick repeated, "Let him in."

"Nick…" Brass began. His words faded when he met Nick's eyes.

"Y'all can stay if you want," Nick spoke calmly and quietly. But Brass saw the anger in his eyes. "But let him in, _now_."

Brass nodded at Vega to open the door. Vartann took Maria's place on Nick's right. Maria and Megan moved to Nick's left, next to Calleigh, away from the door. Billy stayed between Nick and the door, next to Brass.

Pat looked at the door in disbelief when it opened. Before anyone else could speak, Nick called hoarsely, "Let him in, Pat."

"But…" Pat protested

"_Now_, Pat," Nick was adamant.

"See," the Judge said triumphantly. He moved into the room, stopping abruptly when he saw the number of Nick's visitors and their glares.

"Nick," it was Grissom who spoke first. When Nick moved his eyes to Grissom's face, he continued. "We'll wait outside," he gestured to Catherine, Greg and Ecklie.

Nick nodded without speaking. He wasn't surprised when Calleigh joined them. She was looking at the Judge like he was a snake, with horror and loathing in her eyes.

Nick waited for them to leave and the door to be closed. Then he moved his eyes back to the Judge and asked, "What do you want?" His expression was blank and his tone was neutral.

"I want to talk with you," the Judge said.

Nick let a little of his anger show. "_What_ do you want?" he repeated.

The Judge looked around the room. Matt's expression was carefully neutral, but his hands were clenched in his pockets. Denny Dennison was clearly hostile, his stare like daggers. Bob Casey openly examined him, trying to reconcile the monster of Nick's stories and memories with the man standing before him. Vega stood just inside the door; his eyes the watchful stare of a cop, his expression giving nothing away. Vartann, standing next to Nick's bed, was a little more protective of Nick, but again, it was the watchful, prepared, police officer the Judge saw there.

Maria's attention was focused on Nick. Megan O'Rourke was looking from Nick to the Judge and back. Her expression was calm, but her eyes were worried. She wasn't sure if this was a good idea.

The Judge let his eyes skate over the two figures in the center of the room; radiating hostility like the sun radiates heat. Brass's hand was on Billy's shoulder. He could feel the younger man trembling with the force of his emotions. Hate, rage and grief shone in Billy's eyes, though his face was the stone of a professional solder.

Brass wasn't the only one who noticed Billy's reaction. "Billy, will you please sit down?" Nick asked softly. Billy didn't move, his stare focused on his father. "Please, Billy," Nick repeated.

Never taking his eyes off his father, Billy slowly moved to the chair at Nick's left. "Thank you," Nick said, his voice staying soft. Nick knew the chair wouldn't stop Billy if he started after the Judge, but his seated position might help him think _before_ he moved.

"Jim?" Nick quietly focused on Brass now. Brass inclined his head, and with a swift glance at Nick, he moved several steps back until he was standing at the foot of Nick's bed.

Nick moved his eyes back to the Judge. "What do you want?" his tone had hardened from what he'd used with Billy and Brass. His impatience peeked through. "Why are you here?"

* * *

A/N: Hope y'all like it! :)


	54. Chapter 54

FF_992224_10/4/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_Nick moved his eyes back to the Judge. "What do you want?" his tone had hardened from what he'd used with Billy and Brass. His impatience peeked through. "Why are you here?"_

The Judge met his look and their eyes locked. "I came to tell you two things and to ask you for somethin'," he replied, no emotion visible in his voice or expression.

The rumble of discontent at the Judge's words was swiftly silenced by Nick's quick glance around the room. Meeting the Judge's eyes again, he said, "I'm listenin'," and waited.

"Warrick Brown," the Judge said, softly. The tension in the room spiked up immediately. "His death was not my idea. Nor did I, in any way, condone it." He kept his eyes steady on Nick's. "McKeen was an idiot who panicked. Doin' what he was doin' and expectin' to get away with it with your people around every day was lunacy. He got away with it for far longer than I expected."

Nick considered his words, his eyes never leaving the Judge's. He knew how well the other man could lie. Finally, he said, "ok." There was no give in his voice, just a reasoned acceptance of the other's words.

The Judge nodded and continued, "The building collapse." Again, the tension increased in the room. "I wasn't involved in that, either."

Nick was surprised at how composed Brass was when he asked, "You mean you weren't involved apart from letting Craig Miller out of jail?"

Judge Stokes looked down at his hands. His voice was defensive when he retorted, "I just let him out when he legally should have been released anyway. I had no way of knowing he would go after Nick."

"You were there in that courtroom when Craig Miller threatened him," Denny Dennison shot back. "You were threatened enough to deny his appeals all those years. Now you say you couldn't know he'd go after Nick?" He snorted in disbelief.

"Do you _know_ how many threats I've heard in the courtroom?" the Judge asked, meeting Denny's eyes. "Ninety-five percent of the time, they're never followed up on." Everyone in the room knew that to be true. And yet, they'd all heard the tape of Miller's threats. The silence was plainly filled with a rigid censure.

Bob Casey spoke next after several long minutes of silence. "And how do you explain all the calls between Jeff McKeen and yourself?"

"I never spoke with him," the Judge replied. "All his calls went to voice mail and he never left a message. Once he was in jail, I wanted nothing to do with him. He was only useful to me when he was in his position as Under-Sheriff."

"And we all know how you abandon those who are no longer useful to you," Billy's voice was bitter.

Nick saw the anger in the Judge's posture. Then he turned and met Nick's eyes. These were the kind of situations when the Judge would take his anger and frustration out on Nick. And they both knew it. The Judge glared at Nick. Nick, for his part, didn't flinch. He supposed he should be more intimidated, especially after recovering his most recent memory. But what Nick felt most was bitter satisfaction. There was no way the Judge could hurt Nick now. The slight smile on his face seemed to infuriate the Judge even more. The silence stretched as their eyes stayed locked.

It was the Judge who broke first. He looked down to where his hands were clenched tightly enough to draw blood. Nick saw him take a deep breath and a hint of shame flickered across the Judge's face. He looked back at Nick. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

Nick was shocked. Not even in his wildest dreams had he ever expected to hear those words from the Judge. And there was more.

"I didn't know," the Judge paused, searching for the right words. "I honestly had no idea what Jack Webster was doin'." This time the shame was a little more pronounced. "I knew he was hurtin' you, but I was so blinded by my hatred, I didn't think to wonder or ask how." He held his eyes steady on Nick's. "I don't _think_ I would have condoned _that_."

Nick's lips twisted before he spoke. "I never thought I'd hear y'all admit it," he said quietly.

The Judge looked puzzled. "Admit what?" he asked.

"That y'all hated me," Nick kept his gaze on the Judge.

There was silence while the Judge thought about how to respond to that. Finally he said, "It wasn't personal."

Before he could go on, Billy burst out, "It wasn't personal? How can hatin' someone not be personal?"

Both Nick and the Judge ignored his outburst. The Judge continued. "I hated you from the moment I knew you existed – before you were even born."

"Why?" Nick didn't know who asked the softly spoken question, but it didn't matter. It was what he wanted to know as well.

The Judge let out a sharp bark of laughter, although there was no amusement in his eyes. "Look around," he suggested. "What do you see?" He gestured around the room.

"I don't understand," Nick said, puzzled.

"Just in this room, there are eight people ready to defend you against me. Five more just left. That doesn't include Pat Tucker or anyone else not here. And I have how many people with me? None." The Judge's tone was bitter.

"So I have good friends…" Nick began.

"It's been like this since the day you were born," the Judge interrupted, still bitter. "You could charm the birds out of the trees. Everyone flocked to you. No one asked me about my day. No, it was 'Look at what the baby did.' No one cared about me once you were around; especially Jillian. You were Jillian's miracle baby. Ever since she spoke to Linda Nadal, she loved you more than she loved me." The Judge winced and stopped speaking. Nick could tell he would call those words back if he could. He hadn't meant to admit _that_. The Judge stared at his hands, refusing now to meet Nick's eyes.

But Nick saw the pain there. So he did something so uniquely Nick. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know what you think.


	55. Chapter 55

FF_992224_10/4/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_But Nick saw the pain there. So he did something so uniquely Nick. "I'm sorry," he said softly._

The Judge nodded once, in acceptance, then met Nick's eyes again. "It would have been better for both of us if I'd chosen the divorce papers that day." He looked down at his hands again before admitting softly. "But I couldn't. I couldn't walk away from her."

There was a few minutes of silence before the Judge offered, "She loved you, Nick. She really did."

Nick just shrugged. It didn't make any difference now.

"She still does, in her own way," the Judge reiterated.

Nick stared at him in disbelief before looking away. The Judge was about to speak again when Nick asked, abruptly, "What do you want?"

The Judge looked at him for a moment uncomprehending.

Nick said roughly, "You said you had two things to tell me and a question to ask. So, what do you want?"

"A truce," the Judge said softly. "I know none of the people in this room will stop coming after me unless _you_ ask them to. All I want from you is a truce. I swear I'll leave you alone, if you and yours just let me fade away into retirement."

Nick stared at him in silence for a moment. Then he asked, softly, "Walter Gordon? Sylvia Mullens?"

Their eyes locked and Nick knew. He knew from the look in his eyes that the Judge _had_ been behind the attack. Before he could ask why, the Judge's eyes moved nearly imperceptibly towards Billy then back, and Nick knew the rest as well. _That_ was when the Judge had found out about Nick and Billy's relationship. Nick said nothing; just put his arm over his face. He couldn't let Billy know the truth. It would tear him apart.

The Judge surprised everyone by saying, "Sylvia didn't want to let it go."

Nick moved his arm and met his eyes. "So you let Jillian know…" he let his voice trail off.

"I knew she'd been in contact with Kelly Gordon. And I knew she wouldn't stand for Sylvia's plots. I didn't quite expect exactly what happened, though. And neither did Jillian. But Sylvia was no longer a threat."

Nick nodded and searched the Judge's face carefully. "I agree to a truce," he finally said.

"Nick," Billy protested.

"It's my decision, Billy," Nick said softly. "I'm not gonna change my mind. And I've already told y'all I'd be satisfied with it."

Silence filled the room until the Judge said quietly, "Thank you." He turned toward the door. Vega opened it for him. The Judge appeared to hesitate slightly, before continuing, any last minute thoughts unsaid.

Back in Nick's hospital room, Maria took charge before anyone could speak any of the myriad thoughts she could see on their faces. "Nick needs rest," she said quietly, but authoritatively. "There will be plenty of time to discuss what just happened later."

Brass nodded and jerked his head at Vega to open the door again. No one spoke as they filed out. Billy kept shooting searching glances at Nick. But Nick had his arm over his eyes again and didn't see.

When the room was empty except for Maria and herself, Megan O'Rourke quietly asked Nick, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Nick moved his arm and looked at her. His face was calm and composed. "Not now," he answered, just as quietly. "I really am tired now. And like Maria said, we have plenty of time to discuss it."

* * *

A/N: I know this is even shorter than usual. But it was the best way to split things up. I'll post the next and last chapter quickly to make up for it. :)


	56. Chapter 56

FF_992224_10/15/2009

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

* * *

**Remember My Name**

_When the room was empty except for Maria and herself, Megan O'Rourke quietly asked Nick, "Do you want to talk about it?"_

_Nick moved his arm and looked at her. His face was calm and composed. "Not now," he answered, just as quietly. "I really am tired now. And like Maria said, we have plenty of time to discuss it."_

And they did discuss it often in the next six months. Nick was thinking about that as he limped into the lab, heading into the meeting Ecklie'd called to discuss the status of his case. Of course, no one called it that. The Craig Miller case joined the ranks of the Walter Gordon and Nigel Crane cases – cases no one discussed in his presence unless necessary.

Nick slowed down when he reached the halls of the lab, knowing his limp was less noticeable that way. His right leg had healed and bounced back pretty quickly, but not his left. Nick frowned, thinking about his friends' reactions when they heard his news about his left leg.

"Hey, Nicky," Nick slowed even more at Catherine's call, his escort slowing with him. It was Mitch today. Nick knew the officers took turns protecting him, usually using their own time to do so.

"What's up, Cath?" Nick asked.

"Are you okay?" she asked, "I saw you frowning."

Nick rolled his eyes. "A guy can't smile _all_ the time. I was just thinking about something."

"Really?" Greg popped out of a nearby lab. "I didn't see any smoke coming from your ears." He ducked automatically, but Nick just laughed. It wasn't until Greg lifted his head and grinned that Nick struck. He grabbed him by the back of his neck and ruffled his hair.

"Hey, easy on the do," Greg complained, though his grin didn't die. "It took a long time to get it to look like that!"

Catherine shook her head. "You two are like two little boys, incorrigible." They all laughed as they moved down the hall to the layout room where the meeting was to be held.

Mitch came into the room with them, but stayed standing while they seated themselves around the table. Nick and Greg continued to verbally jab at each other while Catherine just shook her head again and laughed. They were soon joined by Grissom, Brass and Vartann.

"Vega's out on a case," Brass said quietly.

They all sat, talking and laughing for ten minutes until Ecklie got there and closed the door. After taking his seat, he looked around the room and asked, "Ok, where do we stand?"

Grissom spoke first. "Archie's gotten everything off those video files he's going to get." The additional files in the camera's memory were of Craig Miller discussing what he was going to do and implicating McKeen, Willman and Crane, but not Judge Stokes. Unfortunately they were taken in the building that collapsed, so they gave no clues to Miller's current location.

Ecklie looked at Brass. He shook his head. "The tip line's given us nothing, not even any sitings, for the past two weeks," he said gruffly.

Ecklie turned his eyes to Mitch. "Officer Mitchell?" he asked.

"I've seen nothing suspicious and neither has anyone else," Mitch reported quietly. "But that a—hole's still out there and we all know it!"

"He's just waiting for us to call this a cold case and relax. Then he's gonna come back after Nick," Vartann said, angrily.

"I know, I know. Unfortunately my hands are tied. It's been six months since we've gotten any new information. I've held it active as long as I can. I'm sorry, Nick."

"It's ok, Conrad. I know you did the best you could," Nick responded. And it was true. After everything that'd happened, Ecklie had severed all ties with Jillian and done his best for Nick.

"So, Nick, when are the doctors going to let you come back to work?" Greg asked, grinning.

Nick's expression didn't change. His face stayed serious and the others gradually lost their smiles as they realized the news wasn't good.

"I had my last PT visit today," Nick said, quietly.

"What do you mean – last visit? Worker's Comp isn't giving you a hard time, are they?" Catherine asked angrily.

"No, Cath, it's nothin' like that. It's just: my therapists and doctors all agree that they've done all they can," Nick sighed, softly. "My left leg isn't gonna get any better. And there's no way they'll certify me for field work, not like this." There was no bitterness in Nick's voice, just a calm acceptance.

No one spoke for a moment. Nick saw Grissom start to speak and interrupted. "I know there's no lab positions open, not on any shift." Again the silence blanketed the room.

Catherine was the one who broke it. "If you think we're just going to let you walk away, Nicky…" her voice trailed off and there were tears in her eyes.

"Actually, I have a job offer," Nick said, hesitantly. He wasn't sure of his friends' reactions when they heard all his news. "UNLV made me a pretty decent offer."

"They want you to teach?" Catherine asked.

"Not exactly," Nick said, uncomfortably.

"They want you to help administer their Forensics program?" Greg asked.

"Kind of," Nick squirmed.

"Not exactly teach, and kind of administer? So what exactly do they want you to do?" Brass asked, rolling his eyes.

"They want me to be Dean of their Forensics program," Nick admitted, sheepishly.

Surprised silence filled the room for a moment before Catherine said, uncertainly, "I thought they required all their Deans to have a doctorate?"

"Uh…" Nick said, eloquently.

It was Grissom who explained, "He's got one." All eyes flew to Grissom's face in surprise.

Nick searched his calm, smiling expression and snorted. "I should have known you knew," he said, ruefully.

"How come you didn't tell us?" Greg asked, a little hurt. "And what's it in?"

"I told y'all I was takin' classes," Nick said, defensively. "And they're in Forensic Science and Forensic Psychology."

"You never said they were for a degree," Catherine said slowly. "Wow, Nicky, congratulations! That's a heck of a lot of work."

"Nick didn't say anything because he asked me years ago if getting a higher degree would help him in the lab," Grissom said quietly. "And I said it wouldn't; that he needed to prove himself in the field."

"Well, I'd say he's done that, as well," Ecklie said quietly. "Congratulations Nick." He looked into the file he'd carried into the room. "You have three weeks vacation coming. If you don't take it, you'll lose it. I'll put you down as back from leave, but on vacation. Next week you can give me your notice."

"That gives us three weeks to plan a hell of a Going Away Party," Greg grinned at Nick.

"Nicky," Catherine said softly, "with two doctorates, you must have gotten offers before, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Nick shrugged. He stared away from the group for a moment, then turned back, shrugging again. "But I liked bein' a CSI," he admitted. He couldn't hide the pain in his eyes. "I never really considered those other offers."

He looked around the group, "Thanks, y'all; thanks for, well, everythin'." He pushed up from the table, waiting patiently for his left leg to be stable enough to bear his weight, before taking his hands from the table top and leaving the room.

The others watched him move slowly down the hall in silence until he was stopped by Wendy, Mandy and Hodges. That's when Grissom realized Mitch was still in the room.

"Mitch?" he questioned.

"I have plenty of time to catch up," Mitch responded, nodding his head at the crowd surrounding Nick. Henry, Archie and David Phillips had joined the other three. "Besides, they really want him to use a cane, but he refused to bring it into the lab with him." Another silence fell as they recognized just how much Nick's life had changed.

Then Mitch looked at Ecklie and asked, "So do we just abandon him to that maniac?"

"Officially, I can't condone the expense for protection on a cold case," Ecklie said, carefully.

"And unofficially?" Vartann asked softly.

"Unofficially, whatever you do on your own time is your own business, as long as it's not illegal or unethical," Ecklie replied. "And the warrant for Miller's arrest is still open. You come across him, on- or off-duty, he's fair game."

"Got it," Mitch said, seeing the others nod in understanding. "I'll be seeing you," he said as he left the room to join Nick.

The others watched as Nick shook hands and traded hugs with the lab rats, then left with Mitch along-side.

"A cane," Vartann said mournfully, staring after Nick.

"Two doctorates?" Catherine said in wonder.

"I never thought I'd see him leave CSI," Greg said, solemnly.

"Dean of Forensic Science at UNLV," Grissom mused with satisfaction and a little pride.

"Yeah, teaching the next batch of baby CSIs," Brass said, grinning. They all laughed.

"Still close enough to pick his brain," Ecklie said, smiling snidely at Grissom.

"Break it up; break it up," Catherine said, before Grissom could respond. They all laughed again.

"To Nick," Grissom said seriously, holding up his coffee cup in salute.

"To Nick," they all replied, bringing their drinks up as well.

"May he be as successful at UNLV as he was here at CSI," Brass continued.

"Here, here," they all saluted their friend and former colleague again.

* * * The End * * *

* * *

A/N: So, the end. There were times I didn't think I'd get here. But I did. And it's my first actually **_completed_** story. And my first published fic. And my first story I let anyone else read. Let me know if you want a sequel. After all, Craig Miller's still out there! :) Thanks for reading! :)


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